Dear Team

Before Tessie made her way into the Juvenile Court, she passed us several letters addressed to different  members of her family.  She had written them out the night before and sought our assistance to pass them out for her. Tessie also requested that we read out and translate  the letters to her grandmother and her father as they did not read English.  The hearing had not begun but Tessie was already feeling very sure that she will not get to go home that day.  “The probation officer has been continually reminding me to bring a bag of clothes today” she explained to us as she hurried into the court room.    For 5 counts of under aged smoking, Tessie was placed on a 15 month probation order where she has to spent the first 9 months in an institution.

Grandma was staring at us awkwardly as we translated Tessie’s letter to her word for word in Hokkien. Tessie spoke about the fights they used to have and expressed that she was grateful that their relationship had improved the past 2 months.  Tessie apologised for the times she was rude and added that she was always convinced Grandma  loved her. Tessie ended her letter with “I love you!”  Perhaps, such open expressions of affection were not common in their family so grandma was only comfortable responding with silence.    Tessie started her letter to her father with a statement that she hated it whenever he reprimanded her loudly.  She then apologised for frequently getting trouble and assured him that she was doing her best to be good. She then thanked her father for always looking out for her even though he showed his care in a very ‘different’ way from other parents.

Father understood his ‘different’ way to mean that he was loud and straightforward. He remembered his daughter criticising his manner of speech during some of their disagreements. He was touched that Tessie bothered to write letters to the family and  commented she probably stayed up all night to do them. Half embarrassed he told us that’s probably why she could not get up on time to attend court and he felt a little silly that he was shouting at her to get her ready. He wished that he could have been gentler with his daughter that morning.

We are convinced that Tessie has been trying her best. She has gone back to school regularly and had cut down on her cigarettes. She tells us adamantly that she had been free of cigarettes the past 2 weeks. Over the past 2 months, we had authentic conversations with her where she shared her regrets and put herself in a vulnerable position by sharing painful memories and silly things she had done. She is trying her best to be good like she told her father so when we visit her, we will tell her that her efforts have not gone to waste even though she is now institutionalised. Through her letters she has pulled her family together and her absence has highlighted that every member of her family is important and s someone the family cares for very much. Somewhere within her, Tessie knows that a happier family can begin with her.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls. For, thus friends absent speak.
John Donne (1572-1632) English poet

Dear Team
2 weeks after completing a 5 day programme at the Outward Bound School, 3  youths came to us this week requesting for assistance to return to school. These youths are still on their school’s register but have been absent for much of the year. One 16 year old told us that the time away from her routine gave her a chance to reflect about her life and sadly, she identified several regrets.  Going back to  school was just one regret she hoped to put right.   The OBS Programme targeted ‘out-of-school’ youths but it impacted participants differently.  Rob, a youth who broke a window during a programme last year, agreed  to be a part of a coastal clean-up exercise as a way of putting things right. After that first ‘obligatory’ effort, Rob returned for another clean-up exercise voluntarily and I was told that has again signed up for the next one.  Looks like Rob has discovered a sense of purpose and developed a sense of belonging and we are grateful that OBS is always welcoming of youths like him.

The intensity experienced during  the OBS Programme provides  a powerful shared experience between the youths and our colleagues accompanying them.  This experience strengthens the helping relationship as it presents many important reference points for continued purposeful discussions.  John acknowledged to a colleague that his anger needs to be better managed as his quarrel with a female team-mate while rafting led to his friend falling off the raft without his knowledge. He was so consumed with his anger that he was oblivious to the safety of others. It is such experiences that make learning real and relevant.

On Tuesday, we visited OBS as their instructors had requested for a sharing on restorative practices. We thanked them for their interest but emphasised that we were not there to make them like us as the differences between our approaches create a healthy tension that helps our youths grow. Nonetheless after several rounds of discussions it was obvious that the OBS instructors paid a great deal of attention on nurturing  a relationship with their charges and  were primarily concerned with how their charges were developing. We are deeply grateful that we have friends like them who support our work with the youths. Solutions to problems in our community must come from many in a community and not just from a voluntary welfare organisation like us.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Friendship is essentially a partnership
Aristotle

Dear Team
Jim,  a 30 year old father of a child we serve was enthusiastically sharing with us how busy he had been this National Day period putting up flags and organising a carnival for the residents in the neighbourhood he grew up in. We were surprised but pleased to see Jim so full of life as his life is fraught with various problems. He is currently putting up in a shelter for the homeless together with his mother and the mother of his  2 year old boy.  His financial and accommodation problems had been a big strain on his relationships and over the past couple of months, we had to intervene several times to ensure that  the well-being  of the 2 year old was not compromised because the adults in his household were fighting. This child is now doing well in a child care programme and this has also alleviated the stress experienced by his parents to a large extent.

Jim told us that 3 weeks ago,  he accompanied a friend who was active in community service on a round of home visits. He was simply curious how this friend was spending his free time but after those home visits, Jim was convinced that his situation was not the worst and he could actually be doing something positive for the less fortunate. He shared the experience with his girlfriend and now both of them have started assisting the neighbourhood leaders attend to those seeking help.

On Wednesday, we reviewed the information we had gathered from engaging 360 households in a rental housing neighbourhood and we were really heartened that the majority of these households had given us a warm welcome and told us that they would be most happy to support our work with children in their neighbourhood. Sharon, a 60 year old who had been in the neighbourhood for 22 years told us that she would be keen to help us keep in touch with her neighbours who needed some encouragement or practical support. Perhaps, we struck her as a tad youthful and so she peppered  our conversation with nuggets of wisdom such as "If you want to be good, don't be too good. Telling people what to do also makes them angry" and "Instead of asking your neighbours to change, see how much you can change yourself to accommodate them."  

These 360 households were located within a ‘tough’ neighbourhood infamous for  a variety of social ills but because we usually find what we want, we decided that we would be looking for gold and not dirt. We visited these households with the aim of making friends and not enemies and finding ways to involve people and not isolate them.  Well, we found what we wanted and Sharon was just one of many  who will join us in building a safe and nurturing neighbourhood for children.

This is National Day week and I can’t help feeling that despite not being the most well-resourced among us, Jim and Sharon will be contributing so much towards nation building as they reach out to their neighbours. What they may lack in material resources, they more than make up for it with their generosity, sincerity and sense of duty to their fellow citizens.
It is nation building one neighbourhood at a time.

Majulah Singapura!
Gerard

Dear Team
Two weeks ago, a students’ care centre asked if we could assist with a concern they had.  Every morning as they opened their doors, little Mary a 10 year old girl was already there waiting for them. Nothing too unusual except that Mary was usually with a man who was not someone  her family was acquainted with.  The man could have just been a friendly and concerned resident but the students’ care centre never got a chance to find out as he would walk away the moment their staff arrived.  Little Mary  is a special needs child and her answers about the man that keeps her company in the morning were vague. The Principal of the students’ care centre requested that we speak with little Mary’s parents and to highlight the matter to the police as well.  He was someone deeply concerned that his students and the children in the neighbourhood were safe and well.

On Wednesday we had the privilege of working with a police officer who took the time to speak with us and to understand the work we do. He wanted to hear about how we have been assisting children and especially our work in this particular neighbourhood.  After listening  intently, he shared that he was an “old boy” of the neighbourhood. Having lived in the neighbourhood, he had a good idea of the challenges faced by the families living there. With a smile, he added that he also appreciated that these families would be apprehensive of people in authority. So, it would be absolutely important for the police not to only come across as law enforcement officers but also as neighbours who actively care for the neighbourhood’s well-being.

At the home of little Mary, this officer hit it off with her parents immediately. He elaborated on the concern of the students’ care centre and asked the parents for ideas how they could improve the situation. After some discussion, the father assured the officer that he will remain with little Mary outside the students’ care centre  until its doors  opened. The home visit did indeed feel like a meeting between neighbours if not friends.  Besides speaking to the parents, the police officer spent some time speaking with little Mary and her siblings.  The kids laughed and joked with him when he also attempted to get acquainted the smallest member of their family - their pet dog.

This police officer was a comforting presence for little Mary and her family. Instead of acquiring compliance by instilling  a fear of authority; he gained cooperation, trust and respect by his genuine concern for the interest of little Mary and her family.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Dear Team
The children at our child development centre make regular trips to the supermarket as a way of practicing their language and counting skills. On Tuesday, a class was tasked to shop for food items that contained rice or maize as the learning theme for the week was “grains.” As the children were on their way back to the centre, they noticed 2 chicks by the wayside that were left to fend for themselves.  Yes, at that very moment our children decided that they were going to experience the meaning of commitment to a pet.

On Wednesday, one of the chicks died and our children rested it in a little box filled with shredded paper and buried it in our little garden. “Rest in Peace Chicken Little” was written on a piece of wood that marked the spot and several coloured ice-cream sticks with the names of children written on them were stuck into the ground the way flowers would adorn a burial place.  It was not exactly a happy occasion for the children but it presented them with a bite size palatable experience of loss and reverence for life

The world around us is our classroom and learning is meant to prepare one for the world. This means that lessons are beyond language and counting. Perhaps it is this approach towards developing a curriculum for our child development centre that got the attention of the Ministry of Community Development Youth & Sports (MCYS) who will be launching the Early Years Development Framework (EYDF) in September. On Thursday, photographers commissioned by MCYS spent the afternoon capturing our activities . The photographs will be used for the EYDF document and other training and public education materials. In a sense, we were being recognised for the quality curriculum and environment we were providing the children and that recognition was very much appreciated by the parents too. Everyone of them permitted their children to be photographed and were quite proud that the pictures will be used publicly.  

It turned out to be an easy and productive shoot as none of our infants burst out in tears despite the bright lights and disruption to their routine. Instead they lapped up the attention and the photographers were most pleased with the results. It was just as easy with the older children as they tended the garden and harvested lime for their parents. The photographers were surprised that the children were confident and cooperative and they asked a teacher what was the “secret.” We had never thought about it till then but we figured that it must be because our children are accustomed to the many different volunteers who visit them daily. Like the poem “Children Learn What they Live” says,  these volunteers have helped our children live with encouragement thus, they learned confidence.

This little episode has reminded me that it does indeed take a village to raise a child as children need; and have a right to caring adults in their community.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Dear Team
With a dozen packets of nasi lemak, cups of coffee and tea, a colleague waited for a mother and her 2 children to arrive for a meeting scheduled for 8.30 am. He was also expecting 9 of her neighbours to attend.  A few days back one of these neighbours had called him complaining about the lack of care that this mother was giving her children.  After listening to her concerns, our colleague also learned that the neighbours were most willing to help this mother. Hence, the meeting was arranged for the mother to meet her neighbours.

Our colleague anticipated that it could be a long meeting with tense moments. So, he arranged for breakfast which was also meant to facilitate the welcoming and supportive environment needed for the success of the meeting. Breakfast turned out to be the right move as eating at the same table got mother and her neighbours spontaneously talking to each other.

However, half an hour into the meeting proper, our colleague sensed that the tension was not exactly helpful. While the neighbours were well meaning, mother experienced their concern as criticism. She appeared a little less energetic and her answers sounded defensive. Quickly, our colleague told the group to pause the discussion while he drew 2 columns on the whiteboard. One column was for the “Difficulties Faced” while the other was for “Mother’s Strengths.”  He explained that part of being supportive was about encouraging mother to build on what she was already good at.

The neighbours agreed and soon both columns were filled. On hearing her neighbours’ observations such as “she always tries her best to feed her children” and “she never gives up,” mother began participating in the meeting purposefully again. She pledged that she will talk to her neighbours regularly and let them know when she needed help.  Among other things, plans were drawn up for her home to be tidied up, for the children’s after-school care and for a  “breaking of fast” meal at her home.  As a gesture to mark their new friendship, everyone got together for a group photograph before they went on their way.

A common approach to problem solving is to identify what’s lacking and to try to fill the lack. I am heartened and proud that our colleague and his team have identified the lacks in this situation as the lack of encouragement for the mother, the lack of a relationship between her and her neighbours and the lack of a problem solving platform. There was no lack of goodwill, no lack of concern and care for children and no lack of people’s ability to help themselves.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

“Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes."
-- Bertolt Brecht

Dear Team
One of the nicest things in our work is frequently coming into contact with people who want to give; people who just want to make life a little easier if not better for another.  Every day this week, someone called offering something for those we serve. We received a television, emergency funds for families in need, concert tickets, food and job offers just to name a few. These gifts represent the goodwill, care and concern within our community and being the conduit for such goodwill to reach our service-users is an important role to play. Otherwise, in a sense, we would be denying those we serve the goodwill within our community.

Sometimes,  helping professionals like us would argue that attending to all these offers of help is time-consuming and not cost-effective. Well like anything else,  we must always find a balance but perhaps we should reflect if values such as efficiency and cost effectiveness are the only ones that drive an organisation like ours.  Perhaps on balance, we must also be driven by the importance of community involvement and participation; we must honour the compassion and efforts of people reaching out to those we serve.  As children need a supportive family; families need a supportive community.

Following last Saturday's block party, 3 families  initiated a meeting  with their Residents' Committee Chairman  to discuss how the community could be more supportive of the father and 5 children I wrote about last week.  These families told the Chairman that the father was trying hard to earn money and he had a good relationship with his children. He seemed to communicate well with them and would occasionally take them to the beach on weekends. They were  putting the pressure on the Chairman but they really did not have to as the Chairman told them that it was only right for neighbours to look out for each other. Together they came up with a list of things to do which attended to the daily meals for the children,  their attendance at school, their supervision after school and basic necessities such as clothes and toiletries.

While it was really heartening to see the group enthusiastically making plans to help, we had to intervene during their discussions.  We reminded them that while the father would probably be most pleased with their support, it was only correct to involve him in discussions about his own children.  Helping these children is about supporting their father and not replacing him.  After a moment's pause, the group replied that their plan will be a suggestion for father to consider as the father must always be respected as the head of his household.  It was respectful giving at work.  The group may not realise but even if this father eventually does not accept their suggestion, they would have already given  something valuable - the value of respect. 

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa

Dear Team
Why would we pack more that 1400 of our service-users into Zouk which is considered one of the top 10 dance clubs in the world?  Well it is about sharing the world we live in with those we serve. It is about removing barriers real or imaginary that prevent one from acquiring a positive self-esteem or a sense of belonging. Like everything else we do, it is about Integration.

A father of 5 children aged 4 to 12 years old came to us worried as the child protection service had just paid him a visit. The service was responding to a complaint from a member of the public that his children were seen looking for food at a hawker centre. This father explained that the financial assistance that his children were receiving has ended and he was working 2 jobs to make ends meet. Hence, he admitted that there were times when his children could be better supervised. He assured us that he loved his children and was doing the best he could as a single parent the past 3 years.

Raising 5 children single-handedly on a modest salary of a general labourer is difficult and obviously this man needs support. While we have provided support in the form of financial help, it is also important that this family finds support in the friendship offered by neighbours and others in the community they live in. If such, there will be a higher  possibility that the children will be in the company of adults who look out for them.  So, a family living in the same block has been in touch with this man and his children. They invited him to a Block Party happening tomorrow which is organised by neighbours. They told him that it will be an opportunity to mingle with others in the neighbourhood and after the party they will find some time to get to know him better.

The family reaching out to this man and the party organisers are our service-users receiving financial assistance from us. We believe that despite having little, people still can give. They may not be able to give money but among other things, they can give their concern, their energy, their skills and their friendship. 3 weeks ago, 11 adults from this neighbourhood spent an entire Sunday with us attending a volunteer training programme. Through a series of experiential learning activities, participants learnt how to better communicate and work with each other.  That day, these 11 participants also spent a good 3 hours discussing how they could be helpful to their neighbours  needing help. We facilitated the discussion by presenting the group with various scenarios of people needing help.  We are grateful that  these 11 participants are now putting the training to good purpose.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

People don’t belong to their country because the country gives them things. They belong to the country also because they do things for the country. – Acting Minister for Community Development Youth and Sports, MG Chan Chun Sing

Dear Team
Yesterday, volunteers from the Singapore Tourism Board got a birthday party going for a few of our  children born in June.  It was a simple affair but very much appreciated by the children and parents who came. One mother who has just recovered from a severe bout of chicken pox was feeing rather weak but she made the effort to come by. She explained that because of her recent illness and other problems, she had been unable to attend to her children as much as she would have liked . Hence, she did not want her child to miss a birthday celebration as she realises how much these simple things mean.  

2 weeks ago when this mother was in hospital she was feeling really down. She was aching all over and she lost some of her vision and hearing ability as well. When a colleague visited her she was initially apprehensive but she relaxed when she realised that we were there to celebrate her birthday. The day we visited was not exactly her birthday as she was extremely sick on the actual day but it brought a smile on her face nonetheless. She was delighted with the slice of cake lighted by a solitary candle and her present which was a simple cosmetic kit. “You are not going to always look this pale and sick” our colleague reassured her, “you must find an occasion to look good after you get out of here.”

That birthday celebration was a breakthrough in the helping relationship. It was the first long and authentic conversation between our colleague and this mother which enabled us to gain a deeper insight into her troubles. As this mother shared, she was not always hopeful but her spirits were lifted when our colleague drew her attention to the support that was forthcoming from her sister.  I guess in times of need, we need to be assured that there are people around us.

Last night as this mother was leaving after the birthday party with her child, she called out to our colleague “I will come to Youth United Day this Sunday and I will use your present to look good!”  In our work, the organising of activities and events is routine and sometimes we no longer fully appreciate their significance but to the many we serve, these simple things mean a lot. So, let’s warmly welcome our young people and their families to  Youth United Day. It will be a little effort on our part that breaks down the barriers that keep them feeling apart.

Gerard

I have learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,  but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou

Dear Team
This past week has been filled with different activities that engaged more than 700 youths. Besides keeping these young people purposefully occupied, the activities were a means for us to recognise and honour some of these youths for simply being who they are.  A 16 year old was recognised as an Outstanding Pack Leader during the LAN Gaming Competition. Usually, a Pack Leader has a negative connotation and youth workers tend to make it their goal to break-up packs and nullify their leaders. We have done that too but today, we realise that by doing so we are simply declaring war and making the youths whom we pledge to reach the enemy. How then do the youths see us as friendly adults wanting to help them when we are declaring war on them?  A helping relationship can only be built on mutual trust and respect.  We gave out the award to this 16 year old because he succeeded in persuading 7 others to attend the LAN Gaming Competition. His 7 friends were sleeping or lazing at home and he felt that his friends should honour their promise to show up at the competition. We wanted to recognise how he had used his leadership ability for a positive purpose.

With the many youths we serve, it is a fine line that determines whether they are a hero or a villain.  They are not adults and their path toward adulthood will be lined with several mistakes. Our job is to create a supportive environment around them so that when mistakes happen, they can learn from them and not be derailed in a way where their future is adversely affected. Keeping them purposefully engaged is an important aspect of this supportive environment.

The week’s activities resulted because different youth serving agencies pooled their resources and worked together. The LAN Gaming competition was supported by the Singapore Cyber Sports and Online Gaming Association.  REACH Family Service Centre (FSC) took the lead with a Dragon Boat Competition. At a football tournament, Sheng Hong FSC got the ball rolling but organising duties were shared by  youths from various organisations. The positive experience  at these events was in itself a lesson to the youths in what friendship and cooperation can achieve.  

Every event went well but there were 2 highlights. One was a soccer clinic by the coaches from the English Premier League’s Newcastle United and a visit by World Wrestling Entertainment’s  John Morrison and Melina Perez.  Both John and Melina encouragingly reminded our youths to focus on their strengths and believe that their strengths will pull them through. It was so quiet outside the classroom that we thought everyone had left the centre but when we took a peek into the classroom, it was because our youths were in polite conversation with these star wrestlers.  Both John and Melina shared that they did not have much growing up but they learnt to appreciate what they had and just did their best until the opportunities came their way. It was a message that resonated very much with our youths and that meeting really made their day.

I have given you a snapshot of what we do as part of building a  helping relationship with our youths. As it is Singapore’s National Youth Day next weekend,  I would like to invite you to join our youths and us at a small youth day celebration. It will be on Sunday, 3 July 2011 at Zouk on Jiak Kim Street and you are invited to the VIP reception which begins at 4 p.m.  It would be wonderful catching up over some refreshments. Our youths and us will be most honoured by your presence.  Do let me know if you can make it .

Sincerely,
Gerard

Once you label me, you negate me. – Soren Kierkegaard

Dear Team
Today, we left the hospital with a 61 year old father of 2 teenage sons with news  of his health contrary to what the family had believed. The hospital declared that he did not have diabetes or a kidney ailment.  The hospital explained that the  loss of vision was due to a cataract which needed prompt attention. They also added that he had a mental health condition that could be stabilised with medication.  It was not totally good news as this  father still had health conditions needing attention but at least now with an accurate diagnosis, he could receive the appropriate help.

A few months ago when the man was taken ill and could no longer hold on to his regular job, the family began surviving mainly on the small salary of a 30 year old single daughter who cleaned dishes at a food court.  Mother, who does not have residency status which enables her to gain employment began feeling very vulnerable. Despite being in Singapore for 30 years, she was only conversant in her mother tongue and that increased her sense of isolation. Nonetheless, she was not one to despair and visited the neighbourhood market regularly hoping to share her story with anyone who would care to listen. A few weeks ago, she spotted a lady of similar ethnicity whom she had seen a few times at the market. After asking for a few minutes of this lady’s time, she shared about her husband’s illness, her sons’ educational needs, her quarrels with a neighbour and how her home was infested with bed bugs. The lady who was listening happened to be an acquaintance of a colleague and soon after that conversation,  we learnt of the predicament of this family residing in a nearby neighbourhood.

Our youth work colleague immediately ensured that the education of both teenage sons was not disrupted. He kept the schools informed of the family’s situation and all educational expenses were immediately subsidised by the school and the balance was covered by well wishers. He got a pest control company to clean out the flat and with the help of a HDB officer, mediated the conflict  between the neighbour and the family. The furniture was replaced with clean but pre-loved items and the family was linked to relevant social support schemes. It has been about a month of intensive work of activating and mobilising resources in our community  around this family and I would think that the mother is feeling a little comforted if not less vulnerable. Our colleague did well in bringing help to a family who did not seek help from the formal social support systems but rather sought help from those who lived in her neighbourhood.  

Despite the best social support systems we can build, there will be those who fall through the cracks and the best safety net is  people like the lady who stopped to listen to this 59 year old mother who had a story to tell.  Social work, community services, youth guidance, voluntary work  and the many other descriptions that fall in the category of work we do basically boils down to one truth - it is simply people helping people.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard  

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. - Mother Teresa

Dear Team
On 4 June last year I wrote about a Ida, a foreigner who is single mother of 3 Singaporean children facing a 2 year prison sentence for consumption of a controlled drug (AWB – 1023).  We were helping her put in place a care and supervision plan for her children so that her children need not have to be institutionalised or leave Singapore.  The situation looked bleak and I guess to  keep our spirits up I ended off with the above quotation from Mother Teresa. Following that email, some of you asked me if there was anything we could do and I remember saying that we will continue rendering support with a view of keeping the children with family or friends as far as possible.  I doubt I sounded optimistic as I remember that email to be a  painful one I wrote.

As we journeyed with Ida and her children over the past year, it was not all doom and gloom. We managed to ensure that her children’s education was not disrupted and the basic needs of the family were met. Ida and her children put up with a friend in  the neighbourhood and survived mainly on financial assistance. Occasionally, Ida’s parents would come over and for those few days, her children enjoyed the love and care of their grandparents.  In March this year, Ida learnt that the Attorney General Chambers had decided that she be repatriated after being issued a stern warning for her offence.  The good news was that she did not have to be imprisoned and that her children could visit her during their school holidays if they were not placed in institutional care. Then, we had established contact with the father of her ex-husband but he was not confident that he could adequately care for Ida’s young children as he was getting on in years. Hence, having the children leave Singapore with their mother was not just a possibility but a probability.

We were with  Ida at the police station as she received her stern warning. The Officer Commanding noticed our presence and so she approached us to find out more about Ida’s situation. After hearing us out, she suggested that we may want to consider appealing to the Attorney General Chambers to reconsider their recommendation to repatriate Ida. Immediately, we sought the assistance of the Member of Parliament  for  the constituency where Ida lived.  This MP then wrote to the Attorney General’s Chambers on our behalf.  This week, we learnt that the Attorney General Chambers have carefully considered the matter against Ida and the police will not be seeking her repatriation in view of the “extenuating circumstances of the case.” At this very moment, a colleague is helping Ida with her application for a rental flat.

During the past year, we were not exactly hopeful that our drop in the ocean would make a difference. We persevered only because of our operating values and helping principles.  We believe that it is in children’s best interest to remain with their family and we will do whatever we can to support their family in caring for them.  So, thankfully the ocean was not less because of our missing drop as that drop has brought about a world of difference for Ida and her children.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Love builds up the broken wall and straightens the crooked path Love keeps the stars in the firmament and imposes rhythm on the ocean tides
Each of us is created of it and I suspect each of us was created for it. - Maya Angelou

Dear Team
A pair of siblings received $2000 for clinching the 1st and 2nd prizes in Project 2041, an art contest organised by the Singapore Management University in conjunction with the Vitol Industry Speaker Series.  The contest was opened to children aged 5 to 15 years old and participants were told to imagine what the world would be like in 30 years if our environment took a drastic turn for the worse. Natasha who is 7 and the younger sibling came in tops while her brother who is 12 took 2nd place.

It was the most money these children had ever held in their hands and they quickly passed it on to their parents who were most grateful for this timely windfall. Natasha has 4 older siblings and together with their parents, they had had just vacated their flat at  Queenstown because of the redevelopment in the area. The money is timely for household expenses as they settle into their current flat.  Natasha’s parents has put it down to luck and we concurred with them that they are indeed lucky to have 2 talented young children.

We are glad that Natasha and her family have gotten this lucky break as it is unlikely any voluntary welfare organisation could have given them such money which was necessary but not essential.  Such “luck” comes from the goodwill inherent in our larger community. Thus, a key role of ours is to be a bridge for goodwill to reach our service-users. If I had to choose one word to describe what all our work is about, it would have to be “integration.”  Social work is about reaching the disadvantaged and marginalised among us with compassion and rallying our community to look out for them so that we all live in a place where there is a sense of fair-play even though life will never be fair.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

There can be hope only for a society which acts as one big family, not as many separate ones. -- Anwar Sadat

Dear Team
We learnt important  lessons in managing unhelpful behaviours from Oliver, an 18 year who started volunteering with us this week. When faced with a string of expletives from a child he was tutoring, Oliver simply smiled  and continued sitting next to him. When the child eventually stopped shouting, Oliver gently persuaded the child to finish at least part of the assignment before him. He then continued tutoring with lots of encouragement thrown in.

Later, we asked Oliver how he managed to keep his cool in the face of abusive language and he answered “Simple. I see myself in the child.”  He elaborated that he treated the child the same way he would have liked to be treated.  Oliver explained that by shouting at him the child wanted him to shout back because then the child will experience a sense of control over the situation. The child was making an older person behave exactly in a way that he had predicted. But then, why was this child playing such a ‘game’?   It is because this child  wanted to be attended too but could not trust the person attending to him.  So, the child’s string of  expletives was a test whether this person could be trusted and an invitation for this person to be either helpful or unhelpful.  Oliver chose to be helpful.

Oliver hails from the Bukit Ho Swee neighbourhood and he resides in a rental flat with his mother and an elder brother.  2 years ago he was released from the Singapore Boy’s Home and he completed his N Levels. Today, he hopes to gain admission into a course of study at an Institute of Technical Education but was informed that the school he chooses to attend must be comfortable with a student that walks with a limp. Oliver walks with a  limp because in 2009, he was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma, a form of bone cancer and he had just  completed treatment about 7 months ago.  However, Oliver has not given up hope and aims to further his education but for now, we told him that we will be quite happy that he continues to educate us and the children in our care J.

Let’s do our best in supporting Oliver’s will to further his education.  

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

It is not so much what happens to people that influences their behaviour but the meaning they make of their life experiences:
I am...
Other people are ...
The world is ...
Therefore...
-taken from Alfred Adler’s Private Logic

Dear Team
Tim, a  17 year old was hanging out at a mall with his friends when they noticed another group of boys looking at them. The boys from both groups then started staring at each other until  one of them suggested that they move to a stairwell to have a talk. When both groups had taken their positions opposite each other,  the talk began with a question how both groups could move on from the staring. Tim was not in the conversation but feeling a little nervous, he took out a small penknife knife and folded his arms. The knife was visible though to all present. After a few minutes, it was agreed that the matter would be considered settled if one of the boys agreed to be slapped on the face. The boy agreed and the groups  dispersed after that.  The next day Tim got picked up by the police as the mall’s CCTV cameras had picked up the “settlement” talk. The footage showed Tim taking out his penknife and folding his arms. Tim and his friends were charged for  rioting with a dangerous weapon.  

Currently, Tim is remanded at Changi Prison while he awaits a probation report for the Court’s consideration. The Probation Officer needs to be assured that Tim’s family will be able to keep him out of further trouble should he recommend that Tim be given a probation order instead of a prison sentence or reformative training.   Tim lives with his mother and 2 sisters and mom is a single parent  who has to work long hours for the family’s upkeep. Hence, at first glance it did not appear that his mother who is the only adult would be able to adequately supervise him. Moreover, when his mother first learnt of his arrest she hurt deeply and was feeling extremely helpless.

However, a mother’s love prevailed and over  the past 2 weeks, Tim’s mother picked herself up and took active steps to help the situation. She visited her Member of Parliament who wrote a letter of appeal on her behalf, she visited several relatives to seek their assistance in supervising Tim should he be granted probation and  she had a long chat with her daughters to see how they could be more supportive of their brother. Tim’s older sister offered to find him a part-time job while his younger sister said that she will introduce her friends to him so that he does not have to hang out with the wrong crowd. All these efforts did not escape the attention of the probation officer and hopefully he would begin to see Tim’s mother as a capable adult who will be able to keep Tim in check.

A little support and a reflection of reality on our part was what got Tim’s mom into action. Our colleague spent time with her painting out the different scenarios for Tim’s situation and suggesting how she could rally support to help Tim. She listened quietly but felt too weak to move. Nonetheless, she found comfort in our presence and sprung into action the following day after our colleague “advised” her that the charges were serious and Tim’s situation did not look good but “she should not to be too sad as she will not be able to help Tim nor should she be too hopeful as Tim would fall harder if she conveyed a false sense of hope.”  It is hard to say why this mother acted in such an empowering manner after our colleague’s statement but perhaps she understood it as “do what we can and even if we do not succeed, at least we will have no regrets.”

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” - Anonymous

Dear Team
We supported a single father with 3 young children who had minor ailments resulting from the lack of hygiene. One reason for housing this family was to facilitate the children’s recovery as we worked with their father on improving their living environment.  Another reason was for us to better engage a father who never seemed to have much to say to us.  Nonetheless, he took up our offer of assistance as he wanted his children to get well soon. Their  ailments have already kept them out of pre- school  for more than a month.

Being a casual labourer, he decided to give his children his full attention during their stay. The children who were usually cared for by their aunt,  approved and enjoyed  their father’s  every effort to care. It seemed like they had decided that every meal was going to be delicious even before they tasted it and that every instruction from their father was fair even before he said a word.   When we complimented the man for being an effective care-giver, he sheepishly replied that he surprised himself too.  

As the father settled into his role, our male colleague who had just gotten acquainted with this man, expressed that he needed to understand his situation better.   Perhaps it was the respite from his stresses or simply because he was speaking to another man, this father spoke honestly. He remains grateful for our assistance in the past but at the same time, he is very angry with 3 female colleagues who had previously been attending to him.  He felt that they were reluctant to talk to him and made decisions regarding  his children without his knowledge.  He believes this is partly because our colleagues were coloured by the information from his estranged wife  that he once had a problem with alcohol.  Shaking his head he assured our male colleague that he had been dry and sober for 15 years.

I am absolutely sure our female colleagues had never intended to ignore this man nor were they coloured by the man’s past but yet the man’s anger is real and most likely the reason why he had been hard to engage. He decided that portraying himself as a man of few words was the best way to deal with his opposing feelings of gratefulness and anger.  A common phenomenon in social work is that well-intended help is not appreciated and even criticised by the people receiving it.  Often in response,  we bulldoze our way with our systems, rules and logic; marginalising these people even further.   This father is an adult and his quiet protest has been civil but as a child and youth serving agency, I am sure we are aware how extreme young people in pain can behave when they are protesting in anger.

Whether, it is an adult or a young person, let’s remember that anger is a not just a signal but a declaration that we have been disrespectful and that cannot be when one is in the service of others.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Our society must make it right and possible not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilisation is the way it cares for its helpless members – Pearl S. Buck

Dear Team
Tomorrow, political parties seek a mandate  to govern as Singapore votes.  It has been 9 days of active campaigning as Singaporeans decide on the people they trust to serve them.  We are not politicians but our effectiveness  also begins with  our ability to secure a mandate. Just because someone comes to us seeking for financial assistance, it does not give us the mandate to address his or her marital problems even though we may believe that those problems are contributing to the financial difficulties.  Attempting to do so without securing a mandate would be  interfering and  a more desperate service-user will not fight us but will fool us. Our efforts then are nothing more than a fool’s game.

Framing a problem and identifying possible solutions are  often the easy parts;  getting our service-users to see it the way we do is the tough part. Actually, we do not need our service-users to see things our way, we just need them to get out of harm’s way. While we see the dangers ahead, our effectiveness depends on whether they allow us to show them what we see. So if we care, each day we need to find a way to secure that mandate. At times, we get it without asking because there a crisis that  requires our instant response but often, that mandate can only be won with a relationship of mutual trust and respect. In a sense we must enjoy the company of the people we serve and they are most at ease in our presence.

We were alerted to a quarrel that was getting out of hand. A grandfather returned from Malaysia to find that he had been locked out of his son-in-law’s flat.  His grandson who was  inside the flat was torn as he wanted to open the door but his father had given him strict instructions not to do so. Hence, he could only shut his ears, remain silent and imagine that he was someplace else. Anyway, when we got there the fight was over but we were greeted by a simmering tension. So we asked  grandfather and his son-in-law if they were cool enough to sort it out over coffee.  Both nodded and a time was set.

We waited 2 hours before the son-in-law arrived for the coffee appointment. During the meeting, he spoke in English  and while he was cordial, we had to put the grandfather up with neighbours after the meeting ended. Nodding one’s head or even saying ‘Yes’ is not the same as getting a mandate.  By coming 2 hours late, the son-in-law must have half-expected us not be there as arranged. Also, by speaking in English,  he did not allow the grandfather to participate in the conversation.  It was obvious in his eyes, we had no mandate to be assisting with his family affairs.

Basically while we have chosen to serve, it does not mean that we will be allowed to serve.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

It is not enough to show people how to live better: there is a mandate for any group with enormous powers of communication to show people how to be better.
– Marya Mannes

Dear Team
An 17 year old broke his probation curfew and did not return home for several days. His parents were deeply concerned as they were aware that institutional care for their son would be a possible consequence. They searched for him around the neighbourhood and talked to his friends. Eventually they learnt that he was with his girlfriend but because he never responded to their phone calls and short messages, they felt it was only right to keep his probation officer informed.  To their relief the probation officer was understanding of the situation. He said that he will inform their son to return home and only if he did not after another week will he take punitive action. A few days later when the parents got out of bed in the morning, they found their son at home.

Very often young people continue to misbehave simply because they believe that there is really no way out for them. They behave thinking that  “I am going down anyway so let’s go out in style” or “ I am not going to have this much fun for a long time to come so let’s make the best of what I’ve got ”   It is not responsible thinking but they do not believe that they will be given a chance to act responsibly anyway.  Hence, we applaud the probation officer for his wisdom in giving this 17 year old an opportunity to return home, learn from this mistake and to grow in maturity.

That morning, his parents did not reprimand him but  told him how relieved they were to see him. They then told him not to run off again as they had planned to celebrate his 18th birthday.  Last weekend the whole family together with the birthday boy’s girlfriend were at our premises celebrating. It was an important step in problem solving as the girlfriend’s mother was also invited. Although the girl’s mother did not show as she was taken ill after a long day at work, the girlfriend promised that she will arrange for her mother to meet her boyfriend’s parents soon. The birthday party  was already an important gesture of affirmation from the parents to their son but more than once,  they said that they were also celebrating his “ return” and looked towards a new beginning.  We believe it was exactly what the birthday boy and his girlfriend needed and wanted to hear.  The parents intuitively knew that it was the right thing to do. Otherwise, how do we make sense of this teenage couple enthusiastically enjoying themselves in a childish game of musical chairs with the entire family? J .

Perhaps it is cultural but the couple of times we facilitated an exercise to identify each other’s strengths, people began feeling extremely awkward. So we introduced “Talking Behind Your Back” where we taped a piece of paper on everyone’s back and gave everyone a pen to write on each other’s back.  In this way, it would be difficult for the recipient to identify the person making the comment.  When it was the time for the 18 year old  to read out what had been written about him, it was difficult. He could not believe that he was “helpful, caring,  good to people, a loving person” until a  comment from his younger brother convinced him “ you fed me rice, I love you.”

Healing hurt relationships take time and perhaps lots of courage to risk being hurt again.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Dear Team
A mother of a 9 year old child sought our assistance to be placed on the Home Ownership Plus Education Scheme (HOPE). There was a sense of urgency about her which we could not quite place but she explained that she will be turning 35 soon and she really wanted a home of her own. She added that she was also looking forward to the grants that would enable her to go for training.

As we were getting the necessary information from her and trying to put her application together, she kept sharing aspects of her life without our prompting.  We listened as she spoke about her parents, her child, her husband but were not too sure why she was volunteering all the information when suddenly, she blurted that she has a substance dependency problem. She desperately wanted a home of her own so that she could physically move away from her current environment and start afresh. She felt the training would also keep her occupied and with less time for her cravings.

This mother knew that she had a problem and had been thinking hard about the solution. I would also say that she was thinking hard how her family would be affected if she ended up on the wrong side of the law. It must have taken her a tremendous amount of courage to reach out for help not knowing how we would respond to her disclosure. Yet it was easier to disclose her dependency to us than her family.

Her husband was pleased that his wife had arranged a day out at Sembawang Park but was unsure why we were assisting. As a colleague kept their daughter occupied, we sat with the couple. After a few awkward moments we asked the husband if we should leave them alone but he reassured us that we should stay. His wife then asked for forgiveness as she disclosed her dependency. He was deeply disappointed and I guess our presence was the support his wife needed as they worked through the issue. She is now in touch with the National Addictions Management Service and the family is making the necessary preparations for the care of their child while mother is away in rehabilitation.

When reaching out to those with dependency issues, the window of opportunity is small and an immediate and intensive response is necessary. In one of our lighter moments this week, this mother remarked that she ‘regretted’ disclosing her dependency. Her cravings were still strong but now she had to get pass her family and us if she wanted to satisfy them. She was appreciative things are moving quickly as she was not sure how long she could hold out.

It is the promise of a home of her own, a chance at training in the food and beverage industry and a recent memory of walking hand in hand with her husband who had promised to support her through her recovery; that she is holding on to. It is HOPE that is keeping her on the path of renewal.

Happy Easter weekend!
Gerard

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. – Dale E. Turner

Dear Team
As we enter our Admiralty premises, we will now be greeted by a colourful mural of many faces depicting the diversity we find in people. At the same time, the mural also depicts a commonality that we believe about people. All the different faces were painted on thumbs pointing up. The commonality that we believe about people is that people are basically good.  Thumbs-up to all who walk through our doors.

This mural was completed in a day last week but much thought went into it as we had the privilege of choosing it over  30 other suggestions by the students of Singapore Polytechnic’s School of Design. These students are taking their Diploma in Visual Communication and Media Design and their school asked us if  there was some way their artistic talents could be of service to those we serve.  So now we have another lovely conversation piece to  help us communicate to our service-users that we think well of them. It is also a visual to help our service-users to reflect about the good within themselves.

As people in the service of others, we need to  constantly find ways of  reaching, engaging and  communicating with our service-users.  However,  we tend to over-emphasize the use of language which may not be the most appropriate. Hence, art definitely has a place in our work and this week we are grateful that Studio Mui offered our volunteers and staff a 10 session programme to be trained as art teachers for children.  A few days ago, a colleague came into the office looking for crayons and paper. He was trying to get a young child to return to our child development centre but the boy told him that he will not move until he could draw something. We could not find crayons but the boy settled for a few markers and paper. After a few doodles, he went along with our colleague. Guess the little boy needed to say something but could not find the words and somehow he needed to get them out on paper before  he could move on.

Bringing out the good in people requires more than words.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Dear Team
A 16 year girl and her 13 year old brother worked hard at getting a family weekend going.  Last  Sunday was their step-father’s birthday and it was a birthday of much significance for the family as he had just been released from a year of incarceration a few days before.  Celebrations seem to have a way of bringing out the strength within people.  People seldom seem weak or incapable when they are happy.

We were really impressed by the attention to detail this pair of teenagers put into their efforts. They made sure that the “Welcome Home” and “Happy Birthday” posters even had the signature of their 3 year old half-sister. They helped the 3 year old to outline the shape of her hand onto the poster and encouraged her as she wrote her name within the outline.  

Father commented that his children had grown much when he was away. Instead of preparing the party for his children, his children were now preparing the party for him. It was a joyous homecoming celebration for him and the family but it was not one where they did not remember the realities of life.  As mother brought out the dessert during dinner, she announced that it was a family tradition to end all celebratory meals with this particular glutinous rice dessert which she called “pulut putih, pulut merah” which literally meant “white rice, red rice.” The white part of the desert was salty while the red sweet and she instructed everyone at the table to eat both parts together. She then explained to us that life is full of ups and downs and we cannot just  live for the good times but we must also face the bad bravely.   Having this dessert at the end of a celebratory meal reminds everyone to be more appreciative of one’s current happiness and not to take one’s blessings for granted.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

We don’t try to cure illness. We try to pursue happiness. – Daniel Gottlieb, a family therapist.

Dear Team
On Wednesday, several  of us had the privilege of listening to Professor Robert D. Putnam speak on diversity and community at the Civil Service College. We were first introduced to Professor Putnam’s ideas on Social Capital during a Diploma in Social Work Practice Programme we organised for our staff in 2006. Since then, we have always tried to apply the concept of social capital in our work. Social capital refers to the relationships or loose ties among people. People connected to each other are more likely to help each other out when needed. A point highlighted during the lecture was that children growing up in communities with social capital tend to have a better sense of well-being

Today is  Annie’s 12 year old birthday and right now she is at her favourite hamburger restaurant with her parents and 3 younger siblings for dinner. Dinner for the entire family would amount to a more than a day’s pay for her father who is a cleaner and the family’s breadwinner. However, dinner is paid for by 2 friends of the family who could well afford the treat.  One is them is a member of a church near where the family lives and the other is a volunteer whom we had assigned to support Annie and her siblings in their school work. Besides being Annie’s birthday celebration, the family is also celebrating the admission of Annie’s 10 year old sister into a special school operated by the  Movement for the Intellectually Disabled. This 10 year old will begin school next Tuesday to the relief of her parents. Over the past 3 years,  the parents were extremely sad and discouraged that they were unsuccessful in placing their daughter in school.  Though she does not have the words for it, the 10 year old was experiencing feelings of  rejection. When she was visiting the school this week, she spontaneously blurted  “Wah! All these children will be my friends is it?”  

When dinner is over, the entire family will have a surprise activity made possible by a baker in the neighbourhood. This baker has volunteered to teach the family to bake and decorate a  birthday cake.  We are  sure the father will enjoy the cake even if he is not into baking but we are certain mother and the siblings will have a blast at the activity. The loose ties we have with the special school, the person from the church, the volunteer and the baker have resulted in a little happiness for these children and their parents.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

"Every person is a new door to a different world."
- from movie "Six Degrees of Separation"

Dear Team
15  families came by to our Family Service Centre on Wednesday for a short ceremony  to collect a Personal Accident Policy. This one-year policy was a gift from Asia Capital Reinsurance Group Pte Ltd and SHC Capital Ltd. The premium was paid by ACR while the policies were issued by SHC. As a reinsurer, ACR sees this initiative as a meaningful and sustainable way to  contribute to society.  400 families will benefit from this short term product and at the moment we have 174 families comprising 278 children and 177 adults who have signed up.  

It is a ‘pure’ gift with no strings attached but several of the families we contacted were apprehensive as they were ‘certain’ that we will eventually ask them for some kind of payment. A small number did not join the scheme as they felt that getting such a policy would be tempting Fate to hurt them.  These refusals were opportunities for us to be respectful of the  ‘distrust’ that comes our way despite the genuine goodwill we offer. They are opportunities that reveal what we really believe about the people we serve. Do we see an ‘ungrateful or ignorant’  lot or do we see unique people with different worldviews that deserve our respect?

A mother whom we spoke to after the ceremony told us that she was really grateful for the gift as she finds the protection comforting. She told us that insurance is not a product that she has ever thought about because her little income needed to go to more pressing needs. She also told us that she will encourage the other parents she knows to accept this gift.  Listening to her has also reinforced our belief that this is an important and meaningful gift. We are grateful that ACR and SHC had the foresight to give our service-users a gift that is not exactly tangible in the regular sense but no less helpful. Their effort has also reaffirmed our belief and aspiration  that beyond social services, the disadvantaged can still be helped.

Beyond social services is not just about getting our service-users to become self-reliant. It is also an aspiration that a  society where people look out for each other can be nurtured. Help does not need to come mainly from professionally run services or government schemes but help is available because people care.  Many would say that this is  dreamy  talk and the best way to help people is to have a solid social service infrastructure. After all, society has changed and there is no going back.  Perhaps, but we must watch very carefully that such infrastructure does not contribute to a society where all social problems are farmed out to the helping professionals and the rest of us do not have to care.  I exaggerate but words like compassion, social justice and community may no longer be a part of our vocabulary.

Recently, I caught up with a couple of volunteers from the Beautiful People Programme, a  partner-in-service.  Beautiful  People offers friendship to  girls who were in the welfare system till they are out of harm’s way and beyond.  They updated me that the girls who were discharged from our residential programme a few years ago are doing well.  These volunteers joked that their next milestones are to  make sure these girls marry good husbands and to be present at their joyous wedding.  I was so pleased not only because the girls are well but because it was an excellent and genuine community effort that has kept these girls on track.  These girls who were once troubled have blossomed not so much because they were once under our professional care but more because members of our community have never stopped regarding them as beautiful people.  These girls have moved beyond social services because  people cared beyond social services.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Being tolerant of others is actually leaving yourself a lot more room. -  Confucius

Dear Team
This year, after our weekly meetings we usually have lunch provided by one of the mothers we serve.  We  chip in for the cost and this enables the mothers to put a little money into their pockets.  These mothers are unemployed but they are working all the time running their homes. As home-makers caring for several  children, the small little catering job we give them is a welcome break from the daily routine that they enjoy and take seriously.

We discovered  that Alice  was a good cook during a home visit. She was busy in the kitchen and  insisted that we could not leave her home without having something to eat.   Such gestures of hospitality from those we serve are always humbling.  Alice is a mother of 8 children aged 19 years old to 5 months and she is really grateful for the rental flat which she calls home as she knows what it means to be living out of a tent with her family. Her day revolves around her children but once they are all in bed, she prepares the ingredients for our lunch order which she will cook in the morning when most of her  children are in school.

This week was Alice’s turn once again to provide our food and she was so excited that she kept calling a colleague several times a day to find out what we would like to have. We did not specify but just told her to give us something tasty. Alice did a very good job and she looks forward to the next opportunity.  Success at work or succeeding with a task always lifts one’s spirit. It is often said that for a sense of fulfilment, we need challenges that are just about right for our abilities. If the challenge is too big, we will be discouraged and if it is too small, we will be unmotivated.

We serve many like Alice who have chosen the challenge of being a full-time mother and home-maker. It is a challenge they find meaningful and are optimistic that they can succeed with a little support.  While running a household, one develops many skills and for Alice she has excelled in food preparation. This small little job has given her an opportunity to utilise her talent  without compromising her will to be a mother. It is a small step that affirms her and empowers her to press on with her many challenges. A bigger or more ambitious step that is introduced too suddenly may actually disrupt the well-being she is now succeeding with. Small is beautiful and if size matters; it must be the right size.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

No system or machinery or economic doctrine or theory stands on its own feet: it is invariably built on a metaphysical foundation, that is to say, upon man's basic outlook on life, its meaning and its purpose. - Ernest Friedrich Schumacher

Dear Team
4 mothers  who shared a similar concern about their children’s use of inhalants met with us immediately when we suggested that they could mutually help each other and find ways how they could garner the support of their community around them.  These mothers had sons aged from 10 to 12 years old and recently 2 of them fell into a drain while they were cycling under the influence of inhalants.

It was heartening to see the determination and commitment  these mothers displayed in wanting to  safeguard their children from inhalant use but it was also very sad to see their fatigue and self-doubt. They wondered where they had gone wrong as parents and when would their children realise that they were harming themselves. During the meeting these mothers kept repeating that they will not give up on their children because they were really good boys at the core. We reassured them that we too believed their sons were good boys and cited an example how their sons had come forward to help us without being asked when they saw us carrying some things to our centre.

At the end of the meeting, these mothers had put together an alert system involving some friends within their neighbourhood who would inform them immediately if any of their sons were spotted using inhalants or behaving suspiciously. They also agreed that all their children should be home by 10 pm. Most importantly, they agreed that that they should treat each other’s children as their own. Their motto was “your child is my child” and agreed that they will safeguard each other’s children whenever necessary. So if they found each other’s children at the playground after 10 pm, they will bring them home.

These mothers also spoke of their sons’ shared passion for bicycles and so with our support, they will be organising a cycling activity for all 4 of their families to come together during the coming school holidays.  These mothers felt that it would also be a good way for their husbands to bond with their sons. They realised that the father-son relationships were strained by the discipline the fathers had to administer in addressing the issue of inhalant use.

We left the meeting rather hopeful and impressed that people can and want to help themselves.

Enjoy your weekend
Gerard

"Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men is primarily based on mutual trust and only secondarily on institutions such as courts of justice and police." 
Albert Einstein

Dear Team
This Sunday?s English Premier League Game between Manchester United and Liverpool is arguably the tie of season and it is going to be extremely special for a 19 year old young man we serve. He will be watching it live at Anfield together with his elder brother and we are so very happy for him.
This opportunity is part of Standard Chartered Bank?s ?Liverpool Experience Campaign? and this young man is the winner of a parallel lucky draw the Bank conducted for  the children and youths we serve.  He was all smiles when he picked up his travel itinerary from us this afternoon and he will fly tonight.

Every cloud has a silver lining and it always warms our hearts when those we serve get a break. In this case, Lady Luck could not have chosen a more deserving winner. After some youthful indiscretions, this young man picked himself up and worked hard at staying on track. He finished school and he reconnected with his family;  benefitting from the care and guidance he had walked away from.  He grew up mainly guided by his elder brother and it is fitting that this elder brother is accompanying him to Anfield.  He is now holding a job, waiting for National Service and during his free time, helps out with our football activities for young children at Henderson and Lengkok Bahru.

For me, this is more than a lucky holiday for this young man. It is a gift of hope and encouragement. He will remember that despite his youthful indiscretions, he was not forgotten and given the experience of his life that he had never dared to even think about.  He has seen how the authorities, his family, others in the community have given him the necessary support to make this trip.  He has seen how his community has been happy for him and how his community wants him to be happy. When he returns from Anfield in a few days time, he will know for sure that he is returning home.  Thank you Standard Chartered Bank for being here for good.

Enjoy your weekend
Gerard

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart And you'll never walk alone ? from the anthem of the Liverpool Football Club

Dear Team
Every year, we support the Share-A –Meal Programme which raises funds for the Compassion Fund.  The Share-A-Meal Programme encourages everyone to “share a meal” with the less privileged  by donating a small amount equivalent to what one would normally spend on a meal.  The Compassion Fund assists students  who are experiencing a crisis because of the sudden loss of their family’s breadwinner.

On Wednesday, as we were opening the cans we came across one that was really special. Among the coins were 2 little pieces of folded green paper. Curious, we took a closer look and discovered that they were meal coupons from a 7 year old boy. The coupons were given to him by his school because he was from a disadvantaged background. Being 7, he probably did not realise that the coupons were not valid outside his school canteen but it was definitely a genuine gesture on his part to Share- A Meal.  He would have had less to eat that day. For me, this is the value of a fund raising programme. Ideally, fund raising programmes should not just be about opening wallets. They must also open the heart and the mind so that we can all experience a sense of compassion and community in our lives.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Life is about giving and the rest is taken care off.- Peter Cajander

Dear Team
We provided an allowance to a mother of 6, to prepare the meals for a series of  day-long events  at our Admiralty Premises.  There were meetings with our partner VWOs interested in running a Diploma in Social Work Practice Programme as well as oral examinations for participants of  the Family Group Conference (FGC) Co-coordinators Certification Programme.  Susan as I shall call her,  did a fantastic job and work does have a way of giving one a sense of self-worth. When  one of our guests  told Susan that her cereal prawn dish was the best that  he had ever had in his life, her smile lit up the room.  After that,  instead of remaining in the kitchen or the behind the serving counter, she confidently served the guests at the tables. Yesterday, to mark the end of the Chinese New Year, we got all partners to gather round the table for “lo hei” or the Prosperity Toss. The guests called out for Susan and she stepped into the circle without hesitation. Later, Susan told me that she felt really happy being included in the Prosperity Toss.  A simple gesture of inclusion on our part but being included obviously meant a lot to her.

Inclusion in itself is a very important intervention. Often when parents or care-givers are not present in a family, there is a tendency to simply ignore their views. We may even label them as absent parents or disengaged family members and rationalise that by not being around, they have given up their right to have an opinion. The truth is we cannot be more wrong if we do not even attempt to include the ‘absent’ voices. This afternoon, a participant at the FGC Examination shared about a 12 year old who was in need of care because her father was dying.  This girl had been raised by her father and her mother was generally believed to be out of reach.

However,   extended  family members put in much effort  to seek the views of a  child’s father who was in a hospice. The family believed that it was only right to involve this father in all decision making as long as he could contribute. They even chose to hold the Family Group Conference at the hospice in a room next to this father’s ward. Even though he could not participate in the conference, his wishes were put forth for discussion. This family took much pride knowing that they have done whatever they could to include a vulnerable member of their family, at a time when it was most important.  The child is now living with her mother whom she had not seen for several years because the voices of both her father and mother were included in the decision making.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Dear Team
It is generally recognised that teenagers prefer to hang out with their friends rather than their parents or families. However, this does not necessarily mean that family does not matter to them.  A 16 year old girl told us that she has been regular at school and on top of her school work simply because she wants to respect her mother’s wishes. This girl has a history of getting into trouble at school  but during the last school holidays, she made a commitment to do better in school when she realised that her mother was getting quite sick. To respect her mother’s wish for her to stay in school, she put aside her grievances at school and focused on her school work.

This evening 16 youths are here with their siblings and parents around a steamboat dinner. All of them could be considered ‘tough guys’ who had gotten into some trouble or other but they accepted our invitation for a family gathering to mark Chinese New Year without hesitation.   I suspect that it cannot be the modest spread we have prepared that drew them here but hopefully it was a sense of family pride and community. We hope that it is because they wanted to show their family that they are regarded well here and that they have steered clear of trouble for a while now. Also, because of their shared experiences here, they felt comfortable having their family members meet each other.

One aspect of our  work is to get the marginalised among us integrated into the Singapore community. This is really where life beyond social services begins. Over the years, we have responded well to the needs of those we serve by developing a range of good social services. As we hop into the Year of the Rabbit we should challenge ourselves to hop to the next level of developing a community that embraces our service-users, supporting and nurturing them to move beyond their current disadvantaged situation.

Enjoy your weekend
Gerard

There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.
M. Scott Peck

Dear Team
There is always lots of goodwill in the air during festive periods and many gifts come our way without us asking. This week a few  cars drove up to our office with lots of Chinese New Year goodies and warm smiles.  “Pass them to those who need it” was their request and we would not be doing our job if our office looks like a shop at Chinatown. Hence, I am glad that it doesn’t.  For us the goodies probably do not mean very much to us but believe me they mean much to those we serve.  I am grateful for a couple of brief moments that  told me this.

I saw a 5 year old boy immediately becoming the most helpful boy in the family when he realised that we were giving the goodies to his family. He thanked us politely and the moment he was out the door, he tried his best to open a bottle of tarts. His care-giver was a little embarrassed and asked him to eat them at home but as we reassured her that it was ok,  she let the boy have his bite. He was not greedy, he was just hungry. A child who lives with his father and uncle simply shrugged his shoulders when we asked him how he would be spending his Chinese New Year holidays. But his father told us that they would probably be relaxing at home. This family brightened up when we visited with goodies put together in a hamper. Festive periods are times when we must do our best to be the conduits for goodwill from the larger community to those we serve. We must be mindfully insistent though that the giving is done respectfully so that those we serve do not feel like beggars.

In this regard, I have only respect for a grassroots leader who had a widower and his children to be a part of his own family’s reunion dinner. This leader’s generosity speaks well for the wealth of social capital in our community. This Year of the Rabbit, may all of us prosper with the riches of friendships and family ties.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Gerard

It’s not the level of prosperity that makes for happiness but the kinship of heart to heart and the way we look at the world. – Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Dear Team
At a Residents’ Committee (RC) meeting, the Chairman enthused “Did you see Melody yesterday? She was so friendly, confident and helpful!”  We were quietly pleased as that set the tone for the meeting which eventually decided to give our service-users the responsibility of organising Block Parties.  Melody together with 7 other service-users were volunteering last Sunday morning to hand out Chinese New Year goodies to residents in their neighbourhood. The goodies were a gift from their Member of Parliament and the 8 service-users went door to door conveying the well-wishes of  their MP.

A few months ago, Melody was featured in a newspaper as a psychiatric patient who was physically abusing her 73 year old mother.  She was reportedly not taking her medication and had a habit of hoarding things in the flat.  Regular arguments with her mother took place and the lack of space inside the flat led her mother to sleep near the staircase. After the newspaper story, Melody feared leaving her flat and avoided speaking to neighbours. She felt rejected and believed that people perceived her as not filial and even wicked.

With the help of a neighbour, Melody gradually began to speak to us. After helping her with her medical appointments, she allowed us to introduce the RC Chairman to her. The RC Chairperson demonstrated much empathy towards her plight and supported her financially through the government’s ComCare Fund.  Melody then shared that the Chairman’s gesture was comforting and assured  her that she was not rejected by her community.

We were clear from the start that our assistance to Melody had to be in co-operation with others in her local community. Otherwise Melody would only be supported by helping professionals who kept in touch with her periodically via appointments. If so, she would still experience a sense of being marginalised in her neighbourhood and that would only exacerbate the problem.

This week at the 21st  World Conference of the International Association for Volunteer Effort, Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong launched Vertical Kampung, an initiative to strengthen the trust and friendship within communities where happiness originates from giving, helping and sharing. SM Goh also spoke about Asset Based Community Development which operates on the principle that everyone has strengths and talents to make their community a better place. I am sure Melody and the other 7 service-users could not agree with him more.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. – George MacDonald

Dear Team
Harry was one of the first kids who strolled through our doors when we began operating our Whampoa outpost in 2009. He was loud, rough and ever ready to get into a fight. Hence, his behaviour got in the way of his ability to learn and he was doing badly in school.

Harry has 4 younger siblings and being the eldest, he often had to care for the rest. Playing big brother was tough as one brother was intellectually disabled. Over time, we realised that Harry's unhelpful behaviours were his way of telling us that he found it very challenging having to look out for his younger siblings. Yes - we agreed with Harry that it was challenging but we also pointed out that he had been going about his duties in a most responsible and mature way. Being a leader seemed to come naturally to him and so we asked him if he could also help us as a team leader in our learning programmes.

Harry took the role seriously and as he had to lead by example, the rough and tough behaviours became less visible. With these behaviours out of the way, Harry began to learn. Last month, after he received his PSLE results, Harry dropped by on the way home. He told us that he had passed and wanted us to be the first ones to share his joy. We were all really proud of him and a corporate donor generously offered to get him a gift.  Harry was surprised by the offer but did not hesitate to ask for a mountain bike.  The donor made good the offer by giving him $100 worth of vouchers for him to pick up the bicycle from the hyper mart near his home.
This week, we were very glad to see Harry returning to our Centre smartly dressed in his secondary school uniform. He was beaming with pride as this time he was coming in as a volunteer. When we asked him if he was enjoying his new bike, he paused a little and then told us that he did not buy it. He explained that he could not bring himself to buy the bike when he realised that his household was "short of things." He had passed the vouchers to his mother for groceries.

When I heard this story, my first reaction was to get Harry his bike. We have several bicycles and it would be easy to pass him one. But thankfully for the wisdom of my colleagues who work with Harry, they pointed out that by doing so I may be cheapening Harry's sacrifice. Harry on his own free will had decided to put his family above himself and it is definitely one of those moments a 13 year old boy can be proud off for a long time to come. Let's not do anything that may depreciate his effort. For now, less definitely is more.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

The little things? The little moments? They aren't little.
-  John Zabat-Zinn

Dear Team
Whenever Sunny, 20 years old gets a little hungry, he approaches the people around him for some money.  It does not matter to Sunny that these people are strangers as Sunny finds it difficult to understand the implications of doing so. You see, while Sunny is someone we know from our outreach work, he is also supported by Hearts@Work a project by the Catholic Welfare Services to establish a self-sustaining community for adults with intellectual challenges.
Recently, when he approached a man for money, he found himself in a deal he did not bargain for. He was told that there was no such thing as a free lunch and he will get his lunch money if he came back with a bird that the man was interested in. The man then showed Sunny where the bird was and asked to Sunny for his mobile phone on the pretext that he was going to key his contact number into the phone. However, once the phone was in his hand, he told Sunny that he would only get it back when he received the bird.
Sunny was angry but afraid too. He wanted his phone back and decided that he had to get that bird. He succeeded but soon after, he found himself at the police station as the bird's owner had seen him taking it. Sunny was charged in court but the judge called for pre-sentencing reports. Hence, we helped Sunny out by facilitating a Family Group Conference for him to put things right and for his family to work out a care and supervision plan for the Court to review.
It was heartening to see Sunny's family and friends outnumbering the professionals who were from Hearts@Work, MCYS and ourselves. More importantly family and friends impressed the probation officer present with their forthcoming support to  supervise and care for Sunny. Following the conference, Sunny's father brought him to visit the owner of the bird. After Sunny apologized, his father offered his apologies too and explained to the owner about Sunny's intellectual challenges.
This gesture to put things right and the supervision plans have gone into a  report for the Court's consideration.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. - Abraham Lincoln

Dear Team
A mother of 4 took great pains to organize a birthday party for her youngest child who turned 3 last Sunday. There were invitation cards, games, souvenirs and of course a generous spread of food. Her case worker and several of us were invited too and it was heartening to see her pulling everything together. Her leadership skills were apparent as relatives were assigned as the game master, disc jockey, waiters and kitchen help. In all there were more than 20 family and friends who took much pride in making it a day to remember for the young children present.

I saw much love and wisdom in her choice of the game-master. She gave the job to a 22 year old cousin who usually experienced some difficulty in a social situation. I could sense his pride and a surge in confidence as this young man told me that he really enjoyed party games when he was a child. Now that he is an adult, he should be the one giving happiness to the children in his family. This young man used to be in our children's programme and I remember him often being on the wrong end of cruel jokes and pranks because of a his slurred speech.  Hence, I couldn't help feeling so glad and proud of him that he could confidently take on the task of a game-master. He was not the smoothest operator but the children found him humorous and obeyed his every command.

Apart from the birthday boy blowing out the candles on his cake, a highlight of the party was when this 26 year old mother got everyone's attention and told us that she had something to say. She thanked everyone for coming and explained that the birthday celebration was also an opportunity for her to express her gratefulness to  family and  friends who have supported her the past 2 years. She said that over the past 6 months she had been reflecting a lot and she realised that she had been rather childish in her ways.

She then took out self-made cards and passed them to 3 of our colleagues who had been supporting her. She told them that she was really angry when they kept pushing her to do things. She was upset with them because she felt like she no longer had a life. The burden of being homeless with 4 kids and their grandmother in tow was just too much for her and there were days she just ran away from it all. The cards expressed her gratitude for our efforts at stabilizing her situation. She then turned to her mother, her sisters and the others in the room to seek their forgiveness for the times she had been irresponsible.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes