Dear Team
“I’ll be home for Christmas, you can count on me,” was not a promise that several of the children we serve could make. These children had to remain in foster or residential care as we have yet to assure the Child Protection and Welfare Services that they have  responsible and nurturing  families who look forward to having them home.
 
Such advocacy work takes a considerable amount of time and effort as Child Protection and Welfare Services would tend to err on the side of caution. This is understandable but the lengthy due processes have the negative effect of marginalizing children from their own families. Although we run a residential facility, we find it ironical that children are deemed to be safer with strangers like us than with their family. 
 
Yesterday, we arranged for 27 children caught up in such a situation to spend Christmas with their families. A Christmas Lunch was held at our residential facility. Like the song goes, they could be home "only in their dreams"  but it was a heart-warming sight to see these children feeling right at home with their family around them.
 
Lunch was a simple affair with Christmas fare, the customary visit by Santa and amidst it all; the significance of families having a reunion was never lost.  Cleaning up was a breeze as these families helped out and we could not conceal a smile when a grandmother reminded her grandson that he could be helping out with a little more gusto.
 
Thank you very much SK, Zac and Bill for rallying your families and friends to bring us the goodies, good food and goodwill. The basketful of chocolate and candy was definitely a talking point for the children. Also, ‘dragging’ the ice-cream man from Sembawang Park over was a really nice touch that got the thumbs up from both young and old. I believe Santa would approve too as the ice cream man lent him the bell he forgot.
 
Social Work has the role of ensuring children’s well being and safety. Hence, social workers find themselves playing the roles of rescuer, protector, police, care-giver, family educator and so forth. Although these roles are well intentioned, they have the effect of interfering in people’s lives and implicitly telling them that their lives are inferior and not acceptable.
 
Thankfully, these are not the only roles that social workers can play. Social workers have the skills and approaches to protect children in a way that also protects the relationships they have with their families.  It takes a lot of effort to respectfully support families as they face the challenges of raising their children but otherwise, we may end up robbing these children of a childhood at home, leaving  them ‘orphaned’.
 
As we reflect on how helpful we have been this year, it would be helpful to remember that social work is not about showing people how to lead their lives but showing people that they do not need us in their lives; it is not about rectifying everything that is wrong in their lives but celebrating the things that are right; it is not about motivating people to make the ‘right’ choices but about understanding the motivation behind people’s choices and respecting their right to choose.
 
May the last few days of this year be filled with much contentment and optimism for you.
Sincerely,
Gerard
 
The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to them their own.
Benjamin Disraeli

Dear Team
A 20 year old whom we first met as a 5 year old is now 4 and half months pregnant. She told a volunteer who has been in touch with her all these years that she would like to keep the baby and our Babes Team is now supporting her.  While we are happy that she is looking forward to motherhood, we are really concerned that her baby will go into long-term foster care.

You see, this girl has been in various residential facilities since she was 7 or thereabouts. She needed to be placed in a special school and her care-givers were deemed to be incapable as they were on file as long-time welfare recipients. When she turned 18, she was discharged and returned home to her family. Reconnecting with relatives that featured little in her life was not easy and currently she is living with a 50 year old man, the father of her child.
 
I was  rather saddened when I heard the news this afternoon, as I wondered if this young lady could ever get social services off her back.  Her family has been in social services for close to 50 years and the way things are going, another 50 years seems probable. When I first joined Beyond, the family of this girl was frequently used as a case study at professional meetings. Colleagues who were here before me have served her grandparents, parents and extended family members.

Social services aim to support such families out of their difficult life circumstances but sometimes, it also reinforces those circumstances and keeps them where they are. Parents and care-givers in a child's natural support network are often assessed as irresponsible, incompetent or psychologically troubled. They are often seen as  'bad' or 'mad' but usually  it is simply that the lives these people lead are filled with experiences that are very sad.

When those we serve seem uncooperative, inauthentic or manipulative they are  only protecting themselves. Often they need a resource we are offering but at the same time rather embarrassed that they are taking a hand-out. Others may have felt over-powered or 'bullied' by the system. Yet others  may feel punished and humiliated for the choices they have made in life and so constantly seek ways to ward us off. The least there is to do with the likes of us, the better.

Reaching out to such people starts with  us having the space and ability to hear their pain. Pain is not something bad or mad but arises from something sad. None of us are immune from pain so people in pain are just one of us who has had a rougher ride in life. Addressing the pain and alleviating it would be the sensible first step towards a more authentic partnership with those we serve.  Imagine waking up with an intense headache. Not many of us have a threshold that will enable us to get on with our day without feeling irritable or out of sorts. Most likely, we will seek  relief from the pain  before getting on with the day.

The helping relationship is a respectful partnership between us and the people we engage. Perhaps if we remember that a partnership means working WITH people and not just for them, we can remember to hear the pain and ask ourselves What Is The Healing thing to do? This will be a question that we need to reflect upon as we support this 20 year old young lady to move beyond social services and on with her life.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. — Thomas Jefferson

Dear Team
Often when parents are overwhelmed by the non-cooperative behaviours of their child, they lament that they have given the child everything the child had asked for and yet they get no respect. We would then suggest that maybe they should stop giving and the one thing they should not give is to give up on their child.

A father was not exactly impressed with the way we framed our suggestion but he took it all the same by agreeing to hold off going to court to file a Beyond Parental Control Order against his child. His wife and he were at their wits end and going to Court appeared to provide some relief from the anxiety and disappointment they were experiencing. As we continued to find ways how to reach his child, this father summed it up for all the parents when he expressed in a rather tired voice “I just want some hope.”

We believe that it is in children’s best interest to be cared for and supervised by their families. As long as families are committed to the care of their children, it is our role to support them, build on their abilities and help them succeed. Children and their families no matter how challenging have strengths that can be built on to help them develop into well-adjusted individuals and nurturing environments respectively.

At court this week it was rather heart-wrenching to see the parents of a 14 year old girl pleading with the judge to allow their daughter to fulfil her probation order at home. Their daughter’s offending was not something that pleased them but it provided the opportunity for them for sort out the relationship problems between them. The daughter responded well to her parents’ guidance and was really happy that her family, her neighbours and others in the neighbourhood were visibly concerned for her.

After her Family Group Conference, we received an encouraging note from her school counsellor expressing how impressed she was with the sincere effort and support from family and friends to care and guide this girl. However, it was judged that it would be in the girl’s best interest to be separated from her family and friends. We then had to calm one very confused and angry young girl who was upset that her family bliss was short-lived. We had to also warn her not to display this anger in her residential facility as that would only get her into more trouble.

Parents who have had their children removed from them initially fight hard to get them back but it does not take much for the System to overpower them. We then see resignation which is often observed by the system and professionals like us as nonchalance on their part. Our good intentions often weaken and even humiliate people.

This evening we will be holding our annual graduation event to recognise our young people for their achievements in school. A 12 year old who passed his PSLE has refused to come because we have been unable to persuade the halfway house who is currently caring for his mother to allow her to attend. “It would be too stressful for her” they told us.

Obviously no system or fellow helping professional would disagree with our family preservation principles and approaches but they may not have the resources or will to execute them. On Wednesday,  Lyn John picked up a 2 month old infant from a foster family, jumped into a cab and brought the infant to her grand-parents’ home so that their access rights could be honoured. This has been a twice weekly routine the Safe Kids Team has been carrying out for the past month. The system picks up the cab fare so that means they agree with the importance of the family having access to the infant but then it would not have happened if someone like Lyn John was not available. Lyn John told me such inconveniences reminded him why we do what we do. Ferrying the infant was a very meaningful part of the job which made his day.

The message I would like us to take away from this email is that as helping professionals, we must have the humility to recognise that in our attempts to do good we can do harm. We are part of a system that can be clumsy, unresponsive and unkind. Hence, we must have the integrity to constantly reflect on our efforts and hopefully in the process; our actions harm less and help more.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

It is difficult to say who would do you the most mischief; enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best. - E.R. Bulwer-Lytton

Dear Team
Jane (AWB - 0839) was on her best behaviour these past 2 weeks  as she waited excitedly to meet her elder sisters who visited her on Wednesday.  Both sisters are in other residential facilities and it was a rare opportunity for them to come together for some family time at our Kids United Home.  As in our  helping principle  'The essence of family life is co-operation and not togetherness', we planned a day filled with opportunities for the sisters to work together and to look out for each other.

The day started with Jane  hosting a tour of the home.  After the tour, the sisters spent some time in Jane's room before having their welcome lunch. After lunch, they were introduced to  tree-climbing skills and as they supported each other in a very experiential way, they succeeded in climbing the tallest tree in the vicinity. The day ended with a BBQ which Jane had carefully helped to prepare. Jane had ensured that there was adequate supply of her sisters' favourite BBQ food.

The programme gave the day some structure but it did not give the sisters the family structure which was inherently present the moment they got together. 

We observed the eldest sister demonstrating maternal traits  towards her siblings. She combed and braided  Jane's hair, sharing and feeding her lunch and sometimes whispering comforting words into Jane's ear when she sensed agitation. She was also observed quite frequently to be holding hands and intertwining her arms with her sisters.   Most of the time, she sat in between her two sisters, quietly pleased that she had a sister on each side.

Jane's other sister shared her laugh and her interest in music. While she spoke less then her siblings, she expressed her delight at being together with her sisters by performing a duet on the piano with Jane. She was also the best tree climber and beamed when Jane proudly reported to the staff and  the other residents that this sister was the bravest and fastest among them.

As for Jane, she was the perfect host and all through the day, she was looking for opportunities to have a family photo taken. She was obviously very proud of  her sisters and introduced them to everyone whom she bumped into.  The moment her sisters left for the day, she asked us when the next family event would be and requested for the photographs to be developed as quickly as possible.

During the day, Jane and her sisters gossiped about their aunts and uncles and discussed the possibility of them living together under one roof again.  Jane and her sisters may be orphans but they have each other, they have family and they are family. 

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

'Sisters' is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship - Margaret Mead

Dear Team
Our Healthy Start Child Development Centre presented all its students with an award this morning. It was their year-end celebration where parents, care-givers, family and friends were invited to celebrate the progress each of these children has made since they joined us.  From an observer's point of view, it may not have seemed like there was much to celebrate for many of these children but I assure you, it meant the world to these children.

These children were so proud to be performing on stage. I could see the joy in their eyes with every dance move they did right or every line they remembered and expressed correctly. Even our infants seem to know that it was their special moment as they climbed up stage to receive their awards, pausing for a photo and holding their award tightly as they made their way down stage.

Perhaps they did not really understand being described as the 'most expressive',  'most determined' or 'best explorer' but their parents and care-givers did.  Even  infants display various characteristics and it is important that we are able to view them positively. Caring for an infant can be hard work  so understanding and putting their behaviours in positive frames,  reminds their care-givers that they are actually a huge bundle of joy.

The older children were given awards for being most approachable, energetic, confident, friendly and so forth. One girl who was described as most helpful ran up stage excitedly and as she posed for her photograph, looked towards her family with a big smile. It was as if she needed to show her parents and sisters that she was good at something. Her sisters who were sitting behind me cheered loudly and maybe it is just me being a sentimental old fool but those few seconds felt a little warmer and brighter.

After the all the kids had their go, Wan Inn our Chairperson for the Centre gave out a Strengths Profile for every care-giver. The Strengths Profile was an A4 size card that highlighted the positive traits of the care-givers and it was decorated with photos of the care-givers together with their children. It was another little effort on our part to strengthen the Home-School Partnership. Thanks Wan Inn for having an affirming word for each and every parent who shook your hand.

We always feel that there is so much more to do and continue to make plans to improve our work but once in a while it is also important to take stock of the little successes that have come our way. Thank you every one at the HSCDC for remembering to do this. Success is not always something sensational in the eyes of others, sometimes is just something our children feel. 

Enjoy your weekend. 
Gerard

Many people lose the small joys in hope for the big happiness. - Pearl S Buck

Dear Team
3 sisters aged 10, 8 & 7 were working on their family scrap book this afternoon. In it were drawings they had made of their home, their family and photographs of themselves and their family that they collected over the past month.  In a week or so, these sisters will be leaving Kids United Home and moving into a rental flat with their parents. It has been more than 5 years since this family had a place they could call home and this past month, the entire family has been making up for lost time living together, caring and supporting each other.

We have been assisting this family to secure a rental flat and when we learnt that they will be allotted one, we  supported the family reunification process by housing the entire family  at Kids United Home.  Mom brushed up her cooking skills by preparing meals for her family and during his off day, dad brought everyone to the 'new' flat  to clean it up.  During the past weeks, we also had several conversations with mom and dad about having their children with them once again. We spoke about the concerns they had about their children, the children's characteristics, needs and ways how they could share their parenting responsibilities.  

It was very heartening to see the family coming together again and it was wonderful  that these kids started having their parents as care-givers instead of us.  The efforts from the parents, the way the kids behaved and other little observations convinced me that we did right by having the entire family live together.

One evening, when I dropped off the youngest child at the home, she energetically jumped out of the van, ran towards the home shouting '"Mummy!"  For me, that moment was a great perk-up at the end of a very long day.  In the morning when I pick her for school, the entire family will be there to wave her off.  One morning, this little girl was a little naughty and was rather rude to her mother. After getting her to school, we returned to speak to her mother about the incident. The next day, dad was the only one sending the girl off when I came by to pick her up and this little girl obediently waved goodbye as we made our way to school.

The Kids United Home is not just a place of safety for children but a place for reuniting, strengthening and preserving families.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Every mother and father, regardless of marital status, finances, or physical disadvantage has the right to parent their child above any others. - Family Preservation Advocacy

Dear Team
Hilda is an enthusiastic 8 year old in our Learning Programme who is always asking for a new 'assignment' and she is currently very proud that she scored 60 marks for English during her recent year-end examination. A score of 60 is average but for Hilda, it is the first time she is experiencing what it means to pass an examination. Success has given her the confidence to take on her volunteer tutors in word games and to converse with them about their lives.

A year ago, Hilda was a quiet child who came for lessons fearful that she would get reprimanded for putting a foot wrong.  Learning was always a stressful situation for her as  there was always so much she could not comprehend. Understandably,  she found tutors and teachers rather intimidating. Well, at least until she met tutors who showed her card tricks, sculptured balloons, made her laugh and told her stories about the lands they came from. Whenever Hilda came to the learning programme, she looked forward to meeting a tutor from a different country. During the year, she met tutors from Sri Lanka, India, Japan, the UK, the USA and of course Singapore.

These tutors shared stories about the festivals they celebrated and the customs that were important to them. Some spoke about their families and others introduced their children to Hilda and her friends in our Learning Programme.  Hilda and her friends got to know these tutors as persons as these tutors got them to know how to read.

Yesterday, this bunch of tutors from Merrill Lynch (S) Pte Ltd were awarded the Corporate Citizen Award for Volunteerism  by the National Volunteer & Philanthropy Centre. Congratulations Martina and team and I am sure Hilda and her friends will say you deserve it.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

"A good company delivers excellent products and services, and a great company does all that and strives to make the world a better place."
William Ford Jr., Chairman, Ford Motor Co.

Dear Team
A 13 year old got into a fight with her teen-age brother at home and the police were called in. Her uncle who is acting as her guardian was not at home at that time, so he called us for support. When we got there, the fight was over and the police had left after giving both brother and sister a stern warning. We learnt that the girl was unhappy with her brother over a fight that happened a couple of weeks ago and so she challenged him to another.

Because she 'initiated' the fight, her family felt that she was in the wrong and sought an apology from her for compromising the safety of younger children in the household. The apology though was sought by her uncle through a question "Did you hear your little cousin cry when you started fighting?" This girl refused to answer and what followed was an awkward impasse  that lasted 3 hours.

As the professionals present, we felt an unspoken expectation that we could facilitate cooperation or at least elicit a response from the girl but I am glad we failed miserably. Imagine the sense of helplessness we would have inevitably imposed on the family had we succeeded. It was a painful experience for the family and sharing the pain was perhaps the best gesture of support we could offer.

The situation was resolved after midnight when her aunt took her aside to have a few words. After a few minutes, hugs and tears were exchanged and it was family as usual. We were relieved that the tension was defused and that we could head home.

On hindsight, we could identify various factors and positions taken by the uncle and the girl that probably contributed to the impasse. If we could relive that evening, we would probably be more skilful but then we may have suppressed the aunt's abilities as a harmoniser and peace keeper.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
 - Jimi Hendrix

Dear Team
This morning  as I picked up a 6 year old for a family event at our Healthy Start Child Development Centre, she was beaming, radiant and visibly proud of how she looked. She was dressed up in a traditional Punjabi suit and on her way to a dual festival celebration of Hari Raya and Deepavali. Children were told to attend school today in their ethnic clothing and there is really something about magical about such attire as it makes all our children look like little princes and princesses.

The 6 year old I picked up certainly looked just like a little princess. From head to toe, her attire glittered subtly in sync with her smile. This 6 year old has been assessed to be developmentally delayed and a daily challenge of hers is to be able to make her way to the toilet when nature calls.  Going to the toilet today would be a little more complicated considering the way she was dressed but guess what, she went to the toilet when she needed to and she left the party with her mother pretty as a princess.

This 6 year old is currently in our Kids United Home and the celebration was also a wonderful opportunity for her mother be involved in her life.  At the celebration, this little girl received lots of compliments for the way she looked and this made her mother really proud.  Her mother was more accustomed to bad news associated with her daughter's learning difficulties and developmental delays but today, her daughter was the talk of the party and the admiration of her classmates.

Today was a rare occasion for this 6 year old to dress up and I am sure it meant something to her as she certainly liked what she saw in the mirror. Perhaps, what she saw impressed on her that she was more than an awkward 6 year old who was always making a mess. Perhaps, she saw a pretty princess whose radiance added to the festival of lights and it would be a shame if not going to the toilet put out  the lights.

Culture and tradition give people a sense of  identity and pride that make them strong.  Lets continue to honour them.

Enjoy your long weekend and Happy Deepavali to all who share the light.
Gerard

In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.  ~Aaron Rose

Dear Team

We have in our care, 2 young boys aged 13 & 14 who were roaming the streets and the beaches the whole night through just 2 to 3 weeks ago because they were caught up with the Child Welfare System. One of the boys was homeless because care arrangements broke down when his father was incarcerated while the other was running away from a warrant of arrest for not showing up in court. They were extremely distrustful of any offer of assistance from us or any helping professional. They were also distrustful of their peers who were in contact with us.

Both of these boys were not being charged with a crime so they could not understand why the authorities were on their heels. One had the experience of being remanded twice at the Singapore Boys' Home and the only thing he could think of the moment he was released was to run away from it all.  Court procedures, mandatory counselling and police supervision were all intimidating, overwhelming and beyond comprehension. They were very angry and just wanted to be 'free' from it all.

While these boys knew each other, they were not together. Thus, we had to stabilise their situations separately. The factors for stability though were similar and they included Family Involvement, Peer Support, the Cooperation of Other Professionals and Concrete Practical Help. With the assistance of their peers we gathered enough information to track one of them down and for the other to be picked up by the police. In both cases, the police provided us with enlightened measured support that allowed us to keep the boys within the care of their families.  We are really grateful for such cooperation and it was made possible by the working relationships our Youth Workers have been nurturing with their Community Liaison Officers.

The first thing we did when we had these boys at hand was to involve a family who could calm them down, regain their  trust and to talk some sense into them. Being boys, in both cases  it was a male family member they looked up too. We then worked intensively and non-stop with them over 3 days; involving them in various activities that put them in situations where they had to communicate with their peers.  They were more likely to listen to positive peer influence rather than anything we had to say. In a sense, their peers 'walked' them into the lodging that we provided for them and assured them that we had their best interests at heart.

Lodging was an important concrete practical assistance but we also needed the trust and support of other stakeholders like the statutory supervisors, the police, the schools and of course their families. We regularly kept all of them informed of our progress and we received their assurance that they would support the goal to keep these 2 boys cared and supervised in the community as we now work with the Child Welfare System to achieve this.

There are still many challenges ahead but for now, both boys now trust that we have their best interests at heart and they have been most co-operative and participative in our programmes.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

The soul does not know what competition is. It knows only goodwill, and it is through goodwill that co-operation comes. (Benjamin Creme, The Art of Co-operation)

Dear Team
The father and daughter we spoke about last week have been spending time together getting to know each other. The girl always smiled whenever others enquired about her father.   She seem quite proud and pleased that her father was nearby even when she was in residential care.  Last week, when she voiced her doubts about her father's intentions for spending time with her, we realised that we needed to create opportunities where her father could confidently demonstrate his concern. Thus, we arranged for this girl visit her father at his workplace.

The father is a cook at an eating place. It was peak hour when we arrived and the father could not leave the kitchen to greet his daughter but not long after we were seated, a plate of chicken wings arrived with compliments of the chef. The waitress who sent the plate took a good look at the girl, gave her a big smile and giggled excitedly as she left. Everyone at the eating place was thrilled to learn that their 'chef' had a such a 'grown-up' daughter.

When the orders tailed off, the father came over to the table with a big chocolate cake for his daughter. His colleagues came by to tease him for keeping such a 'big secret' from them but he laughed it off and simply replied that they had never asked. Soon almost every colleague was coming by to say hello to the girl and we could see that she enjoyed being acknowledged. As we left the eating place that evening, father had a Cajun chicken meal packed for her and she had an invitation for him to the Kids United Home.

As we try to help people to help themselves, it only make sense to facilitate Lifeworld Solutions which are basically  efforts or tasks that the people we serve can competently and confidently carry out.  This father would probably be tongue-tied in a counselling session but on his 'home-ground' he is a respected and skilful cook who has no problem dishing out the food of love which his daughter desires from him.

In sports, statistical analysis have shown that 'playing at home' can be translated into a distinct advantage for the team or the individual. Basically, more games are won at 'home' rather than 'away'.  Thus, if we really want to help the people we serve to succeed, it makes sense having them  play more 'home' games. Hmmm... it will then be more 'away' games for helping professionals like us who are so accustomed to our counselling, diagnostic and treatment approaches. Guess we will get used to it since professional players are expected to win game both home and away.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard
 
He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe  (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832)

Dear Team
A key dimension of our Residential Programme is Family Strengthening and  Reunification. This means that even while the children are physically under our care, we have to find ways where their parents or care-givers influence the way we guide and care for their child. The Kids United Home is a respite from the factors preventing them from remaining at home but it definitely should not be a respite from family ties.

Yesterday, upon our suggestion, a father agreed to spend a few days at the Kids United Home to strengthen ties with his daughter who had never lived with him. This father felt that by doing so, he could count on our support if needed. It seemed like a good idea but not one good enough for his daughter. When she learnt of the plan, she immediately challenged its logic and demanded to know why she could not get acquainted with her father in his  home. She asked us if her father was reluctant to have her live with him.

This girl had valid points. Why did she need professionals like us  'watching over' her father and her? She was already under professional care and what she wanted was fatherly care. Instinctively,  she recognised that this plan was a plan from the professionals and not one from her father.

Perhaps, to help people help themselves, we need to create opportunities for people to do so and get out of their way.  We also need to allow people to help themselves in the way they know how and not simply put them into alien situations organised by professionals.

Our attempts at Family Strengthening with another resident was a little more successful. This boy avoided his grandfather's funeral and this got his father fuming. When his father located him in the neighbourhood, he sought our help to pick him up as he was afraid that he would lose his temper and in the process badly hurt his son. When he calmed down he contacted us again and we brought the boy to see him.  We allowed the father to reprimand the boy and we insisted that his son spend a few days with the family in their time of bereavement. Following which, we ensured that the boy went home regularly. This week, this father did something he had never done before. He closed his chicken rice stall so that he could go swimming with his son.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

You don't calm the waters by walking in them. - Lao Tzu

Dear Team
Many of us  spent the Hari Raya Holiday visiting  the families of the young people we serve. Besides being the culturally appropriate thing to do, it was also a gesture of respect on our part for the traditions and rituals of these families. Tradition is a strength as families took pride in extending their hospitality to us. They were also very appreciative of our presence and for the opportunity to play host.

It is only good manners to be gracious guests but by being so, we also honour the efforts of the hosts and their position of the ones who are 'in-charge'.  It is wonderful seeing those we serve on their 'home-ground' where they are confident, empowered and in control of the situation. Isn't it too often that we see them as 'needy' people who are attending a social service programme? Hari Raya Celebrations stretch for a month. So, this will give us some time yet to continue being graciously served by those we serve and allowing them the joy of giving.

Festive occasions are a time of joy but for families with little material resources, it is also a stressful period as they try to provide a decent celebration for their children. In the pursuit of our 'social work' goals with these families we sometimes fail to see this and a very unkind thing we can do is to question their spending priorities during this period.

Over the last few weeks, as I was discussing various family support plans with different teams, we realised that the level of co-operation from the families were not as forthcoming as usual. There seemed to be more complaints about their situation, a sense of pessimism and even very uncharacteristic comments about their responsibility for the children under their care. We guessed  that it was festive related stress and as we helped these families articulate their concerns and organised practical assistance such as baby-sitting, trips to the night market, donations of new clothes for the children, the situations improved.

In terms of material contribution, it  probably did not cost more than a dinner treat or a night out we would buy ourselves once in awhile but what was valued by these families was the empathy and practical support we provided. They valued the fact that we shared their goal of providing a decent Raya for their children. It was their goal and not one from a  social worker that they had to put up with.

Traditions and rituals are strengths of the people we serve. Harnessing on the spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation, we witnessed 2 sisters putting aside their bitter quarrels for family harmony; we heard compassion instead of contempt for a family member who was a 'working' girl and we arranged for a mother to check into a detoxification programme. On Wednesday, this mother celebrated  Hari Raya Adil Fitri with her children and in the company of supportive family members.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

The German word for hospitality is Gastfreundschft which means friendship for the guest.... It means the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy.
— Henri J. M. Nouwen

Dear Team
Jane, whom we met last week has just arrived at our Kids United Home and she is checking out her room and settling in.  She visited us on Tuesday and after 6 hours, decided that she wanted to be a part of our residential programme. She told us that our home felt peaceful and friendly and she felt safe.  Initially she was shy and quiet but after a while she started laughing at the antics of some of the other children who were trying to get her attention. She loosened up and was more of herself which meant that as she put her guard down she behaved just like the 11 year old she is. 

An 11 year old who wanted to make friends; an 11 year old who needed the protection of adults but also the affirmation of her peers. As  all the children were walking back after dinner at a nearby hawker centre, Jane followed a couple of other kids who wanted to tease the staff by walking in an opposite direction. We were very familiar with the teasing from our children but were a tat concerned that Jane went along with them.  For a split second it was tempting to think that all negative comments in those reports about Jane were going to materialise before our eyes.

We followed Jane and the other children for a short distance but as it turned out, they just took a slightly longer route to reach home. At the home, Jane spoke to us. She was actually very concerned that her little prank would mean that we would not accept her into the home. She apologised and explained that the other children wanted to show her that the staff did care and having a little fun with the staff was ok. She added that she followed them because she wanted to make friends.

She did not say it but we think she also wanted to check out how we would react to her little prank. When we asked her if she really wanted to join the home, she must have felt a little threatened and pleaded with us to allow her to do so.  It was  a little sad for us to see the vulnerable side of Jane but we are grateful that the incident reminded us that  'Children are not little adults; they are to be treated as children and not by adult standards.'

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard     

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.  - Aristotle

Dear Team
We have temporarily converted an activity room at our Sembawang premises into a dormitory to welcome and host a 24 strong children's choir from the Philippines. These children are from Tala which is  about
18 miles east of Manila City.  Tala is a community of 15,000 people who live with the stigma of once being a town that housed  people with leprosy.

Despite their difficult circumstances, these children have excelled as members of a choir and are here to perform at the MILK Dinner which will be held next Wednesday. These children are beneficiaries of MILK's food and education programmes in the Philippines but they will bring to Singapore, their Gift of Song. We will as a good host should, convey to them how grateful we are for their assistance at the dinner and how delighted we are with the pleasure of their company. The larders have been stocked up and the campbeds have been set up with pillows and blankets in coordinated colours and I must say that all who have been helping out have done a fantastic job. Thanks everyone.

The children in our Programmes are also looking forward to meeting our guests. Our children will welcome them when they arrive on Monday and several joint programmes have been lined up. This is also a rare and wonderful opportunity for our children to be interacting with peers from overseas. It looks like it is going to be a week of fun and it we are hoping that it could also be a week where all these children forget that they are beneficiaries of welfare programmes.

One of the loveliest things about our job is the opportunity to see hope when there is seemingly none. These children from Tala are performing at the Shangri-La because some people in the Philippines saw beyond their unfortunate circumstances and believed that like all of us, these children have potential.

Yesterday,  we met with one of the orphans that I spoke about last week. Prior to the meeting our picture of her was from reports that described her as defiant, aggressive, insecure, unwanted and basically other descriptions that made us a little apprehensive :) about the meeting. Thus, our pre-meeting strategy was  to establish contact and get out before we outgrew our welcome but we ended up having a lovely conversation with her for more than 2 hours. We even worked on an eco-map that listed all the important people in her life and we shared her pain when she instructed us to draw her father and mother in the map as well. Despite having passed away, mom and dad were an important part of her life whom she drew strength from. She also shared that she missed her sisters and described to us various important people in her life. 

The reports we received about this orphan were factual and accurate but then like I said,  one of the loveliest things about our job is the opportunity to see hope when there is seemingly none.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. - Charles A Beard

Dear Team
We received 2 requests this week to admit  orphans in our Kids United Home. The parents of these children have passed away from illness and from what was presented to us, their situation looked rather bleak. We feel for these children and would certainly like to see how we can be of assistance. However, by simply rushing in to 'take over', we run the risk of further marginalising them from whatever support or resources within their extended family or natural support networks.

Natural support networks have to be the preferred longer-term solution for such children. Hence, I was very encouraged when I was reviewing the profiles of some children in our Daily Care Programme and came across 3 orphans from 2 families who were living with relatives. These children are coping in school and regard their care-givers as family.  Their care-givers have challenges of their own but yet it would be unthinkable for them to 'release' their ward when the going gets tough. One of these orphans is with a relative who has a disabled child of her own while the other 2 are living with an aunt and grandmother who have little financial resources.

There are bonds and a strong sense of responsibility within natural support networks. Our job is to enhance them and not to compete with them. If you think about it, we can never really compete. Often, children's homes and foster parents release the children under their care back to the State when they feel that they cannot cope with them.  "Sorry, these children are beyond us - let someone else try" may not be an easy thing to say but it is frequently said. I am not questioning the commitment or know-how of helping professionals like us but simply highlighting the limitations of a helping system.

Despite its limitations, the professional helping system is often perceived as the preferred solution for the problems of the people. In the context of children's homes, there are 3 scenarios:
1. The families delegate the care and guidance of their children to the professionals because they are 'helpless'. The professionals then take over believing that they can improve the situation;
2.  The families compete with the professionals and challenge their methods because they have been continually told that their efforts are not good enough or that they lack parenting know-how &
3. The families and professionals work collaboratively in the best interest of their children.

For us, we are mindful that scenario 3 offers the best possibility of facilitating a sustainable longer-term solution for the troubled children that come our way. Of course, it is easier said than done but we have started thinking about methods that reinstate and respect the role of the family in the children's lives especially when they are under our care. We need to find ways where parental rights are respected and family members assist professionals like us with their wisdom, practices and know-how with regards to the care of their children.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.  ~William D. Tammeus

Dear Team
Annabelle, Anees, Ethan, Lena and I facilitated a workshop on Talking Circles at a Professional Seminar on Group Work. The Talking Circle is a simple process that operates on the assumption that everyone has something important to contribute to a discussion and our responsibility as facilitators or Circle Keepers is to 'protect' the space that allows this.  As I was preparing for this workshop, I wondered if participants may leave the session feeling a little short-changed as we had no impressive 'tricks' to share and our emphasis on keeping the facilitator out of the limelight may not go down well with those accustomed to a more 'active' way of leading and running groups.

Anyway, we spent most of the session giving participants the experience of participating in a Talking Circle.  At the end of 2 1/2 hours, we were heartened to hear one participant say that she found the Talking Circles to be a powerful process for reflection. The process required her to speak only when it was her turn and she found  her views changing or enriched as she  listened to other members in her Circle.

This opportunity also got me thinking about the value of working with groups. I concluded that it was not so much about cost effectiveness or sending the same message to different people. Rather, it is about getting people to believe that they can make a difference if they work together with and for each other.  They do not necessarily have to work for their group facilitator. 

Facilitators like us are professionals who often have an agenda entrusted upon us by our organisations. We get  a group going because we feel its members need guidance of some sort. While we have the authority to get everyone into the same room, we seldom get anyone on the same page as us.  If we continually operate only on the basis of authority, we will find ourselves performing painful and meaningless work.

Group Work begins with humility. When we come face to face with 7 others, it makes not much sense to believe that we can be immediately accepted as their leader or that our views and agenda take precedence over theirs. The relationships these members form among themselves are also more important than the relationship they will form with us because we cannot serve them indefinitely.  If we do so, we will only be creating and encouraging dependency.  

It is ironical that young people are often referred to social services because their natural support networks are deemed to be dysfunctional. The experts like us shield them from their unfavourable situation by keeping them in all sorts of programmes that aim to 'heal' them. Then at some point in time, we deem that they are no longer our responsibility and we return them to their natural support networks where they are supposed to cope usually because they have 'come of age'. 

Professionals like us often believe that their families and natural support networks are the source of young people's problems. It is definitely more helpful to view families and natural support networks as part of the solution and to engage them from the onset so that they will allow us into their Life Worlds. Unless we can honestly appreciate and work with the resources in their Life Worlds, we will never be successful in facilitating sustainable change.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share our work at this Professional Seminar organised by Students Care Service as it provided me the opportunity to pause for a thought about the work we do.  I now encourage all of us to see Group Work whether structured or on the streets,  as a pathway into the Life Worlds of the young people we serve.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Ethics cannot be based upon our obligations toward [people], but they are complete and natural only when we feel this Reverence for Life and the desire to have compassion for and to help all creatures insofar as it is in our power. I think that this ethic will become more and more recognized because of its great naturalness and because it is the foundation of a true humanism toward which we must strive if our culture is to become truly ethical. - Albert Schweitzer

Dear Team
It is Teachers' Day weekend and with the help of Khairun and the other Community Workers at our Healthy Start  Programme I am sharing with you some of their efforts which have made a difference for our children and their families.

At a recent Parent Teacher Meeting, a mother was visibly touched as she browsed through her 5 year old child's portfolio. She was really happy to see her child accomplishing and expressed her gratefulness to Aida the teacher.  Gently, Aida reminded her that she played a big role in her child's success. Despite the family being evicted from their home, her child did not miss a day at school because she ensured her child got there. Aida stressed to this mother that her child's progress was due to her perseverance and reinforced the point by highlighting that she had to take 2 buses to get her child to school. Aida's comments meant a lot to this mother and in between tears of appreciation, she related how she also instructed her child's older siblings to read to her since she herself was illiterate.

I really liked the way Aida honoured the mother's role and efforts. Education of the child must be a home-school partnership and the lesson of a mother's love is not one that any of us could teach. Despite not having the 3 Rs, this mother played the role of being the first educator in her child's life.

Our teachers diligently ensure that the children are not sick or being troubled by minor ailments such as head lice. Illness disrupts both the child's schooling and their parent's  performance at work. Most of our children's parents hold daily-rated jobs and attending to their child during work hours would mean that their salary for the day will be affected. Hence, wherever possible, our teachers will attend to the child until alternative care arrangements have been sorted out.
 
Our teachers appreciate the difficulties the families of our children face and so support extends beyond the classroom and often into their homes.  One morning, Khairun was trying to help a mother of 6 to get 4 of her children to school.  The children aged 3 to 6 years old decided that Khairun would be a good referee for a water fight. They were splashing water everywhere and running around the flat happily. Khairun had to phone the teachers for help. Hui Huang arrived within minutes and the children left for school within 15 minutes.

Also, sometimes when the children cannot come to the classroom, the classroom goes to them. Meiyi conducted lessons for 2 brothers who were down with impetigo. Their parents were grateful and appreciative that their boys were still doing schoolwork despite not being physically in school. As for the boys, they thought that it was so cool that their teacher and parents were together in the same room fussing over them.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

“To learn and never be filled, is wisdom; to teach and never be weary, is love.”

Dear Team
Kaye. 13 years old was picked up by the police last night but has just been released because they felt that Kaye was a ‘social’ problem and not a ‘criminal’ one. We are really grateful that the police have taken such a view as it means we are given yet another opportunity to help Kaye steer away from institutional care and remained cared for in the community.

Recently, we arranged for Kaye to be cared for by a well meaning family who was concerned for Kaye’s well being. Kaye had been on the run for more than 2 months, loitering at parks and bunking in with friends, some of whom he had just met. He was picked up by the police more than once for various misdemeanours. Kaye’s father has been incarcerated and his natural family support arrangements have broken down. Thus, we arranged temporary foster care for Kaye so that we could have some time to reconnect him to his natural family network. Now that he is not fully co-operating with his foster family, the risk factors on the street remain high but perhaps the biggest risk for Kaye is the view that professionals like us are likely to take in such a situation. We will have the tendency to subscribe to the view that it would be in Kaye’s best interest to be institutionalised so that his self-destructive behaviours can be managed.

This week, we were introduced to Systemic Constellation Work as a way of widening our perspective of ‘dead-end’ situations like Kaye’s. After identifying the key players in Kaye’s life world, the caseworker sought the assistance of his team-mates to represent each of these key players. The case worker then placed or ‘constellated’ these players around the room according to his view of the relationship distance between Kaye and them. Thus, the system of relationships in Kaye’s life world became immediately visual for the caseworker.

With Professor Heiko’s facilitation, each of these player’s elaborated on what they were experiencing standing in their position. Their perceptions, feelings or comments challenged the caseworker to embrace views that the caseworker had not heard before or had not been sensitive to. With each new piece of information, new ideas for action emerged and slowly it no longer seemed like a dead end. Of course, the pieces of information from the team-mates in role were only their construction of reality i.e. their truth and not the truth but they provoked positive action that would reduce the risk of Kaye being institutionalised.

As helping professionals, our logic no matter how well intentioned is not the logic of those we served. For example, it would not be uncommon for us to assess that Kaye’s problem is the bad company he keeps. His so-called friends with all their unhealthy habits will be the ruin of him. In the constellation assessment, the team-mate playing one of Kaye’s friend actually described how he saw Kaye being neglected or bullied by the adults who claimed to care for him and he felt compelled to pull Kaye away from all of them. He wanted to protect Kaye.

Hmm…didn’t I hear the case worker say that as well?

Enjoy your weekend!
Gerard

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Robert McCloskey

Dear Team
Many of us would like to think that ‘compassion’ is our driving force as we go about serving those in need. This week, on Day One of our 2 week Certificate in Case Management Programme conducted in association with the Potsdam University of Applied Sciences Germany, 60 of us were challenged to reflect deeply on ‘What is Help, why we do it and what are the ill-effects of our efforts?’ In the process, we differentiated between help that is professionally organized and help that is inherent among the natural support networks of those we serve or what we call their Life Worlds. We received a huge helpful dose of humility as we realized how compassion can be lost within a professionally organized helping system of which we are a part of.

Professional Helping Systems are organized with the best of intentions and they are an expression of society’s concern for its less fortunate members. People like us are employed to fulfil various helpful roles within the system but over time, there is a tendency for us to be concerned only with the specific role or task we play and to stop thinking about how the system or our approaches could be creating problems for the very person we seek to help. Perhaps, we feel it is not within our power to change things but then such a stance perpetuates an unhelpful situation.

I guess if we want to fulfil our role as members of a professional helping system with integrity, we must be brave enough to look squarely at the paradoxes and ill-effects of our efforts. There are no straightforward solutions and easy answers but it starts with an awareness of our limitations, it starts with the humility that we strive to do ‘good’ we inevitably do ‘harm’ too.

When we impress the little children in our homes with our polite and democratic ways of dealing with them, they may start to devalue the ways of their family. The failures of their parents or care-givers become obvious and the efforts of their parents are devalued.

Another example is when someone concludes that social workers are a dependable bunch, they start building a support network of helping professionals to replace their relatives, friends and neighbours. This weakens his natural support network. Finally, sheltered programmes that are created to nurture those with special needs will exclude its participants from mainstream society if they remain sheltered for too long.

These examples show that even professional efforts have drawbacks and we as professionals could perhaps be a whole lot more understanding and accepting of the inadequacies we see in those who we aim to help. Life just ain’t that neat!

Enjoy your weekend!
Gerard

Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it. - Albert Schweitzer

Dear Team
Baby G will remain in hospital for another 3 weeks but the good news is that his condition is stable and a brain scan has showed that all is well. Thanks everyone who sent their best wishes and expressed their concern. We are now helping  his grandmother as she makes preparations to welcome him to her home. This also means  ensuring that the well being of the other children she is looking after is not compromised.

Over the past 6 months or so, we have been assisting the Child Protection and Child Welfare with children who no longer need State supervision. Our job is to reintegrate these children back to their families or their natural support network. These children are no longer deemed to be at risk of abuse or neglect but they hardly have any ties with their family or natural support networks.

It saddens me when I hear about an 11 year old who does not realise that his care-giver is a foster parent and he has never met his mother or family even though they are around. The child's natural support network is no longer deemed to be neglectful but it is obviously quite a task to re-establish family ties.

As we endeavour to protect children, we have to value the family’s role and say with regards to the safety and care of their children and work at involving them right from the start and as often as possible. Otherwise, in the longer run children run the risk of being estranged from their families. Hence, we are grateful that where Baby G is concerned, we have been given the opportunity to work at strengthening the abilities of family members and others in his support network. By doing so, we will be enhancing the protective factors necessary for his well-being in the longer run.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

"Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently."
-- Chinese Proverb

Dear Team
Let us all fervently wish Baby G who is 3 weeks old and down with meningitis  a speedy recovery. He was fine yesterday and would have returned home to his aunt and grandparents today if the bug did not strike. Baby G has not left the hospital since his birthday because he was suffering from drug withdrawal symptoms. The symptoms cleared after a few days and he was an average 3kg baby waiting for his family to take him home.

Understandably, the Child Welfare Department was of the view that his mother would be unable to care for him and arranged for him to be with his aunt and grandparents who live in a 2 room rental flat near our office. However, when they visited the household, they found 4 other children below 4 years old living there and these children were not in any early childhood education programme. Thus, aunt and grans were told that Baby G could only come home when these children were placed in a programme.

Child Welfare had the best interest of Baby G and these 4 children at heart. Unfortunately, the family felt slighted and kicked up a fuss which made them appear resistant and uncooperative. Such situations are not about who is right or wrong but about facilitating mutual trust, understanding and respect among all stakeholders.

When we visited the family we learnt that they already had plans to register the oldest child in Kindergarten and they had intentionally kept all children at home because there were 3 adult givers who took turns to inculcate in them the values and customs of their culture. It was important for the family that these children were familiar with their traditional rituals as well as the stories that conveyed values such as respect, co-operation, kindness and family love. They firmly believed that value education was the bedrock of all learning. The adult care-givers also shared their household budget with us and revealed how they intended to provide and care for Baby G.

We were convinced that Baby G will be well cared for in this family and so we arranged for Child Welfare to visit the family again and facilitated a conversation. We also presented our views  to their management and eventually all stakeholders agreed that Baby G's best interest would be served by being with this family.

Now, we can only hope that Baby G leaves the hospital fully recovered. It will be a 'long' weekend for Baby G's family and our colleagues on this case. Wish them strength.

Gerard

"Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last” - Charles Dickens

Dear Team
As you would have noticed, we receive lots of donations in kind regularly. Furniture, food, household appliances, books and so forth. Without asking, these donations come to us on an ongoing basis and we had our regular supply this week. These items are then either used at our facilities or redistributed to the families we serve. We also have some volunteers who are in touch with needy families and neighbourhoods and they help us get these donations to them.

Some amount of effort and resources are needed for such arrangements and sometimes some of us wonder if such efforts are the best use of resources. With the bargains offered at the Great Singapore Sale, are hand-me-downs or pre-loved items relevant?

This week we had a generous offer from  well-intentioned members of the public to replace the furniture at one of our facilities. I am not sure if they have been shopping at the Great Singapore Sale but they were giving us really nice furniture they no longer needed as they really wanted to give the children we serve something nice. This is really commendable on their part.

These people went about their task very enthusiastically and although we were very grateful for their initiative, we had to slow them down when they wanted to throw out some of our existing furniture. These included a sofa that did not blend in and some tables which we had made from scrap wood. No, we were not sentimental about these items but tactfully we shared with them how such an action would go against the values and lessons we have been trying to get our children to catch on to.

Firstly, the table top which was once a door is a lesson in possibilities. What was not needed or no longer functional can be still useful and functional if we are able to accept its imperfections and to shower it with some love in a different direction. Hmmm....come to think of it, isn't it very much the same with people? 

Next, we are always encouraging our children and families to accept hand-me-downs as long as they find them useful and not to waste resources. It would seem rather hypocritical of us then to discard stuff that is still useful and simply because they no longer seem pretty.

I mentioned that the effort of these well-wishers were commendable because they wanted 'the best' for our children. They did not treat our children or us as 'beggars who have no right of choice' but went out of their way to give us choice items.  However, I am very glad we honestly discussed our concerns with them as it strengthened the partnership between us. After our conversation, they were very mindful that a glass table they wanted to give us may not be appropriate for children's use and they also tried to see how our existing furniture could blend in with theirs. Most importantly, they reassured us that as they help us improve our facility they will remind our children to always give away what they do not need to someone else who may need them more.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

We are not to throw away those things which can benefit our neighbour. Goods are called good because they can be used for good: they are instruments for good, in the hands of those who use them properly.
-- Clement of Alexandria (150-216)

Dear Team
We facilitated a dialogue between teachers and 20 students who came from 4 different schools. These students were undergoing a 10 day 'Time-out' programme where they reported to the community centre instead of school. These 4 schools pooled their resources to help these students pick up study skills and to build their self-confidence. It was a commendable effort from the schools for attempting different ways of engaging and motivating these students who were deemed to be having difficulty coping with school.

The programme included classroom activities, workshops and experiential learning such as rock climbing. It was heartening to see such effort from schools and so we agreed to support their initiative when they invited us to help with one session. We were asked to be there on the 1st day and so we thought that it would be appropriate to create a context for mutual understanding. We were also careful that such a dialogue did not turn into a 'complaining' session and so to set participants in a more 'pro-active' frame of mind, we named the session the Co-operation Cafe.

We got participants into tables of 4 persons and served them refreshments as we got them to ponder and discuss the following questions:

1. Why do people lose interest in schools?
2. What can schools do to help people stay interested?
3. What can students do to make schools more interesting places?

The questions were tackled one at a time and participants had different discussion partners for each question. When we were 'harvesting' the different discussions that took place,  many admitted that question 3 was the most difficult question to answer. We highlighted that perhaps when we are stuck in a problematic situation, we seldom see ourselves as part of the solution or part of the problem. I am not sure how many of the students fully understood the comment but the adults were nodding in agreement. In any case regardless of how old we are, problem solving and cooperation requires us to be the adult.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

We can be wise only together - Margaret J. Wheatley

Dear Team
So the run is finally here. After last Saturday's story of our runner Khai in the newspapers, another thousand odd runners signed up. Khai did remarkably well in last year's run and his story about how running got his life back on track is inspiring. More importantly, Khai has been a positive role model to the other young people in his neighbourhood and 2 of his younger siblings. His siblings have started training with him and started going back to school. Khai is their hero and they are doing their best not to disappoint him.

Sometimes we do not really notice how important our activities are to these young people. We have been getting this run going for 8 years now and run training is just another activity on our calendar.  When we visited Khai at home last week we noticed the name tags from last year's run being laid out to dry in the kitchen. After a while, we realised that they belonged to his siblings who participated in our trial run. They were drying them out for keepsake.

As part of our preparations for this Sunday's event, we organised 2 trial runs to familiarise our runners with the route and for our race officials to get some practice. For realism, last year's name tags were given out to participants. For us it was just a logical and useful way of  clearing out the 'junk' in our store but apparently the tag meant a lot to Khai's siblings. It represented an achievement, a happy memory and perhaps it marked a personal milestone.

When I heard about this, I was reminded of a tourist who signed up for our very first Run at Sentosa. It was early in the morning and he was standing near me waiting for the flag off. As I thanked him for his support, he told me that he was really happy to be collecting a runner tag on his short holiday in Singapore. He told me he has been collecting the runner  tag  of every run he has been involved in and he would be keeping ours too.  I joked that our cloth tag wound stink at the end of the race but he quipped that cloth is good as it is washable. Anyway, in line with other major runs, our tags have been printed on tear-proof paper since 2002.

As of now we have more than 7000 runners and together with the paraders and officials, there will be a 10 000 strong crowd. To date we have raised some $800K.

It is a very long weekend for all of us. Whether you are in camp with our runners, setting up on the site or along the route, manning the office and the MILK Run Hotline, distributing tags and goodies bags to the 7000 runners who have been streaming in since noon today, you have my deepest appreciation. Let's make this another Youth Day to remember!
Gerard

Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.
-Oprah Winfrey

Dear Team
At least 10,053 persons were at the MILK Run and I want to thank our friends, sponsors and all other supporters for contributing to another successful Youth Day Celebration. We made some mistakes which we will have to put right but on the whole, feedback from participants was positive. Many felt that it was well organised and commented that volunteers did their jobs responsibly and enthusiastically.  Through the eyes of  participants and members of the public the event was a success and this is important. What is just as important is that it was also a success through the eyes of community workers.

Last Sunday, I met Fino for the first time. Fino is a  13 year old whose photograph we used for this year's publicity poster and I was quite surprised that he was rather small for his age. He was introduced to me as 'Mighty Mouse' and I guess the poster made him look larger than life.  Fino came in first in the VWO Boys Category and he told me he really wanted to win as a birthday present for his mother who would be 33 the following day. He elaborated that mom was always encouraging him and it was his way of showing his appreciation. Mom was really proud and it was a special moment for the family when we guided her on stage to have her picture taken with Fino and Ms Lee Phui Fong from adidas who was giving away the prizes for his category. This definitely was one success from a community worker's point of view.

Fino's family and friends were cheering loudly when he went on stage and again when he was having his picture taken with his mom. The MILK Run did not just bring Fino's family together but the families of other children who contributed in other ways. Our littlelest ones from the Healthy Start Child Development Centre did their parents proud when they went on stage to do a dance. For the audience it was 'good value' as not only did they see the kids dancing, they also saw their parents and teachers standing below the stage doing the same moves. The adults were reminding the children of their moves but through the eyes of community workers, it was a moment when parents visibly wanted their kids to succeed. 

The stage also provided us the opportunity for our community workers to develop a rapport with a group of youths whom we had lost touch with. This group no longer felt that they needed the daily care and guidance they were receiving and were usually hanging out late into the night and putting themselves into risky situations. By getting them to show their dance moves on stage, we re-established contact and put ourselves back into a position to offer them guidance.

A 16 year old who lacked confidence because he dropped out of school at 8 years old was a stabilising peer leader for the children at Kids United Home. Initially he was very reluctant to be with these children who were aiming to put together a circus routine for the stage in 4 weeks. However, he gained in confidence when we repeatedly told him that we needed his assistance to be the 'adult' in the group so that he could help us model 'appropriate' behaviour for the children. It was the first time he had ever gone on stage or had a leadership role. We are proud of him.

Success was also having a group of girls taking the initiative to contribute to the fund raising by setting up a Henna Tattoo stall at the bazaar and having the family members of our colleagues and volunteers chipping in for the big day. It was one for all and all for one and this was again evident when our runners waited at the finishing line after they had crossed it, to clap for their friends who came in after them. Some of  these friends they had only met 2 days ago at our Race Day preparation camp. 

I am very grateful for these little successes which are the result of  your hard work. These successes are also important reasons for celebrating Singapore's National Youth Day.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard
Share our similarities, celebrate our differences. -  M. Scott Peck

Dear Team
Currently, we have 6 interns from different University Programmes who have been with us for different lengths of time and they have certainly contributed to our work. During group activities, they play a big part in encouraging active participation from the young people we serve. Our young people usually determine the 'cool' factor of the activity by watching the enthusiasm of the interns who are closer in age to them.  I used to think that I could still be a pretty effective youth worker at 40 but now I can also understand that I need to harness the persuasive charm of younger colleagues : ).

During the school holidays, a mother came by on the verge of filing a Beyond Parental Control order for her 2 daughters aged 14 & 12. Her girls were out till late and did not return home at times. As an older colleague attended to her while an intern got to the girls and immediately she entered into their  world of boyfriends, night thrills and rites of passage. More importantly, a helping relationship was formed as a result and these girls have been attending school since the school term began.  She persuaded the girls to be more receptive to their parents' efforts and the weekend  before school resumed, the entire family left their one room rental flat for a cosy chalet at East Coast.

Not all our interns are closer in age to our young people but they bring much to our work too. They bring a sense of passion and can-do that remind those of us who have been at it for a while to ensure that our fire is still burning bright. Neighbourhood organisations tend to feel more comfortable dealing with a more mature person and these interns have ensured that study facilities in the community remain available for us to run study assistance programmes at least twice a week.

So thank you Cumar, Jinny, Marilene, Pearlning, Ranjana & Sila for choosing to learn with us at Beyond and contributing to the well-being of those we serve.

This week we continued to use circus arts to help families. It enabled a mother to spend an hour playing with 3 of her young children. This family was recovering from much hurt (AWB 0819) and the session enabled the children to experience the nurturing, protective and fun side of their mother. This mother asked Andrea if she had children and when Andrea replied "Yes, I have one and it is difficult", she emphasised that she had 4 and it was difficult.

The issues troubling this family have been dealt with somewhat and their situation is stable. However their need for support and strengthening will continue. While we will run a few more similar sessions for them, we need to link them with other support that will be sustainable in the longer run. Hence, it is good that the SafeKids team have arranged for a volunteer to visit their home weekly to help the children with their school work.

Finally, it is 2 weekends away to the Citi-MilkRun and we certainly could do with more runners. Online registration has been extended to 30 June for all categories so do get your friends online or have them call 1800-MILKRUN on Monday.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.... A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren