Dear Team
It seemed fitting that during this last week of the year, the children from our Healthy Start Child Development Centre harvested their herb and vegetable garden which they have been tending to as part of their school day. The "fruits" of  a year's labour included chilies, brinjals, star fruits, lady fingers, capsicums and cherry tomatoes.  The garden is a small patch measuring 15 ft by 15 ft outside the school which our Town Council has kindly allowed us to use.

Recently with the help of volunteers and a grant from JP Morgan, the garden was tidied up and it looks really organised with signage and a fence around it. My favourite part of this upgraded look is where our children embedded pebbles which they had painted into the cement kerb. This "imperfect" segment is my favourite as it reminds us of who this garden really is for. It is for the children and what children see to be beautiful and important may not always fit nicely into our adult standards of order and what is deem presentable.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength. - St Francis de Sales

Dear Team
As I was having lunch at the food court, a boy aged about 11 came to the table offering me 2 oranges. "It must be the red shirt" quipped Ranga who was with me. The boy did not speak and after a few seconds, his mother who was sitting behind me helped him out. "I have received from Beyond and I just wanted to say thank you." Ranga and I quickly thanked her for the oranges and we got on with our lunch. When  I looked over my shoulder a few moments later, mother and son had left.

Despite having little, this mother found it within her to give back. This is admirable. With 2 oranges she impressed on her son that no matter what, all of us have the ability to give.  However, often people who have been on welfare for extended periods very much prefer to keep a distance between the 'giver' and themselves.  This is understandable as it is not easy to wake up each day having to acknowledge that one's existence is dependent on the goodwill of others. In a sense, it is waking up each day acknowledging that one has failed in some way. For the children we serve, receiving from others is a constant reminder that their family is just not good enough. Hence, when receiving a gift, their response is often muted as anything else seems like a betrayal of their family on their part.

This morning our children in Kids United had a party and those moving on to secondary school received an individualized poster with photographs taken during their time in the programme. On the poster were reflections and words of encouragement from volunteers and the staff. The posters were an initiative of Gregor and Daniela, 2 interns from Potsdam University of Applied Sciences. A few days ago, I asked Daniela if she would be disappointed if the children were not exactly appreciative. She smiled and replied that after 3 months with our children, she was well aware that they take pains to hide their happiness but after observing them carefully, she realized that there are certain words they would use when they are happy. She assured me that the children are always appreciative of our efforts and despite them doing their best to hold back their feelings, she knows when they are happy.   

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

I do not teach children, I give them joy. - Isadora Duncan

Dear Team
With much festive giving in the air, perhaps the gift that matter most is simply knowing that one's family does care. Jasmine and her husband were getting more worried by the day as they were finding it increasingly difficult to put food on the table for their 3 children. With the youngest child still an infant, Jasmine remains a homemaker while they survive on her husband's salary as a cleaner.

Both Jasmine and her husband have not been in contact with their extended family for more than a year. Whenever they needed a little support, they would turn to the family service centre in their neigbourhood who would provide them with some food rations. The assistance from the family service centre was comforting but somehow Jasmine and her husband did not feel particularly good about themselves whenever they received the rations.

We realised that as long as this family depended solely on social services for support, they would remain pretty isolated from their families and their community.  Hence we suggested that they arranged a gathering of relatives with our support. Initially reluctant, Jasmine and her husband soon warmed up to the idea that they could share their concerns and worries with their extended family. As they made a list, 40 names came up and we assured them that we will facilitate their attendance by arranging transport from a  common pick-up point to the gathering.

Last Sunday, 25 family members turned up and it did not take any prodding for the children to play with each other or the adults to help out with the food preparation. When the food was ready, the adults got together to discuss how they could support Jasmine and her husband. As such Jasmine  will now get a weekly visit from a relative so that she has some respite from her mothering duties. From January she will also start on a contract to prepare cakes and pastries at home for a tea shop at the hawker centre near her home. Her husband will also be pursuing some leads for a better paying job that the relatives gave him.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. - Robert Frost

Dear Team
This is Day 10 for 11 youths on a 21 Day Programme at the Outward Bound School.  There were originally 13 but one has returned because of an injury and another because he had difficulty with the routine.  The mid-point of such a programme tends to be very stressful for  participants as they find it timely to consider if they want to go on. We have learnt that many are now coming up with all sorts of  reasons to leave the programme but such is the nature of our work. Our challenge is to provide a supportive environment for them to overcome their difficulties and to persevere with the programme.

From Day 1, our youth workers have been taking turns to support our youths at the Outward Bound School. Keeping together as a group with little personal space leads to abrasive exchanges and minor incidents  are amplified out of proportion.  Interestingly, lots of these disagreements happened during 'rest' time but seldom when the group was out on an expedition.  Perhaps, in an expedition the sense of purpose is clear and the  milestones are  well laid out. Participants then figure out that the wisest thing to do is to rally together to fulfill their common purpose.

Taking their situation as a metaphor for life, it appears that these youths are stronger and 'functioning' better when they part of a a group working towards a common goal. One goal of Outward Bound is to help them become more resilient individuals but perhaps strong individuals need to emerge out of a group. Perhaps youths being simply young people cannot really stand on their own and  by nature need support. The adage "We are only as strong as the people around us"  seems to hold true.

Our view is that for young people  to turn out right, they need to be part of a community that looks out for their well being. We are mindful that such a view  has implications on how resources are used to care for them.  Currently, there is a tendency to care for them by resourcing "social work type" of youth serving agencies like us to attend to a 'problem'. But really, while our expertise may be necessary for meeting a need, we cannot be the young people's community for the longer haul. Thus, resources must also be used to sustain formal and informal groups in the community who genuinely take an interest in the development of its young people. The value of sports, social and other interest groups that succeed in attracting young people is immense for the creation of a community that looks out for its young.

The "social work type" of youth serving agency like us must always be aware that part of our work is to activate and strengthen community structures for the youths. Our role is to get marginalized people better integrated into our  community and we need to nurture our community to do so.  This is not easy to do as often the community is reluctant to step forward as they see us as 'professionals' who will do a better job and sadly, too frequently we behave like we believe them as well.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Dear Team
This evening will be the 6th year we will be holding our Annual Graduation Ceremony in recognition of students who have succeeded in moving onto their next level of education. In all there will be 131 going onto stage at the SPRING Singapore Auditorium making their family proud but there are also a few who will miss the opportunity to do so despite having tried their best.

These were children who deeply believed that they will never make it but even though they were sadly right, today they have some hope because they know they have improved. For that, we thank the volunteers and colleagues who worked tireless with them; finding different ways to pass the walls these children built to block their inadequacies.

An aggressive and loud boy was given the space to do his work alone when we figured that he did not like the idea of showing his mistakes to others. When he got a little discouraged he would walk around the classroom trying to chat up the other students. Instead of forcefully getting him back to his seat, we followed him on his ‘quest’ giving him the most polite continual attention. Within minutes, he would be back in his seat working hard. This boy did not pass but he is proud of the progress he has made this year and tells us bravely that he will pass the next time round.

The behaviors that result from a sense of inadequacy often get in the way of children’s ability to learn.  Diverting this defensive energy into positive learning requires much patience, creativity and most of all much heart. Another boy who pushed us away with rough language was asked to help us as a leader for group activities and outings. Without much hesitation, he agreed and soon after, we noticed his interest in the board game Monopoly as well as Chess. Over Monopoly, his walls came down and we could work on his school work. Geri, our volunteer “headmaster” at our Whampoa Centre also got him to meet Garry Kasparov whom many consider as the greatest chess player of all time. I would say that meeting the Chess Master was a master stroke from a “heart master.”
 
The percentage of Primary School passes in 2007 was 93% but since we started reaching out to more children, our pass percentage for 2008 and 2009 was 67% and 70% respectively. This year, despite our learning programmes operating in 7 different locations we achieved a pass percentage of 73% for 49 students taking the Primary School Leaving Examinations.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

If you study to remember, you will forget, but, If you study to understand, you will remember. - Unknown

Dear Team
6 mothers will be attending a full-day substance-use recovery workshop tomorrow at our Admiralty premises. This psycho-educational programme is in collaboration with We Care Community Services who will be providing the 2 main facilitators. Through art therapy, games, discussions and mini-lectures, these women will look at issues facing  mothers and gain some basic skills to  address them.  They will also reflect on how they have been shaped by their unique experiences and  the world around them.  In a sense, it will be a journey within and a sober visit to a territory called addiction where they often lost their way.

The average age of the group is 30 and all 6 women are determined not to lose their way again. One of them who had to attend a court hearing for a minor offence got it postponed so that she could come.  This lady is 48 with 4 children and she told us that she never had the opportunity for such help  and did not want to miss it.

Another participant aged 30 was released from prison in January this year. As a single parent, she goes about caring for her 3 young children with a quiet determination. One of her children suffers from cerebral palsy but she gets by with the support of extended family and has asked us to help her get onto a retraining programme to upgrade herself. This lady also introduced her cell mate to the programme. She feels that her friend with 7 children could also do with some support and the programme would do her good. Both women only smiled when we asked them about their time together incarcerated and requested that we focus on their future.

Finally, I'd like to mention a 32 year old who had just been released from prison a week ago. Last Sunday, we  rallied  25 members of her extended family for a Family Group Conference at her flat.   Every member present took turns to share his or her concern and offered their support and encouragement. It was a homecoming filled with laughter, tears and hugs and this lady will come for tomorrow's workshop knowing that apart from her 4 children,  there are at least 25 others who fervently hope that she never loses her way again.

I suppose to find their way, these women need to find themselves and most importantly to love themselves. At the end of the workshop tomorrow evening, we are going to give them a little head start in self-care. We have arranged for all to either have a massage or to have their nails done. A restful treat after a long day journeying within.

Wishing you a restful weekend too.
Gerard

The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. – Woodrow Wilson

Dear Team
A young lady who is doing her studies in events management roped in friends and acquaintances to  put together "Let's Get Loud" a concert happening this Sunday from 6 to 9 pm at SCAPE, Singapore's youth activity hub at No. 2 Orchard Link. She had been planning this concert since April and after this Sunday, she can take much satisfaction that she has put her learning from school to good use. Her teachers will be proud of her. Her mother will be proud of her too but perhaps for the distance she has come since a personal crisis that brought them closer together. Deep down, this young lady will be proud that she has finally been able to give back to the programme that once helped her.

"Let's Get Loud" is a free admission concert that goes "Live and Loud for the Babes Helpline!"  Babes is our 24 hour SMS helpline for pregnant teenage girls. Sometime back we helped this young lady to raise the matter of her unplanned pregnancy to her mother. Frightened and confused, she could could not find the strength to face her mother. But as it turned out, it was the right thing to do as it was a load shared. Mother and daughter had long and supportive conversations as they weighed their options.

Last weekend, this young lady organized more than 30 youths to distribute more than 2400 flyers promoting "Let's Get Loud" to young people at various parts of town. On Monday, these young people also stood at their school gates after school handing out the flyers to their  school mates. On the flyers, there were discount coupons for purchases at various shops at SCAPE and most importantly, there was the Babes SMS Helpline 8111 3535.

Often when youth problems are reported in the press, the young people concerned are described as being way out of line. Discussions generated often centre on finding more ways to impose discipline. Curfews, deterrents and stronger laws are often cited as solutions. Perhaps, the next time a youth problem surfaces, the question to ask is not what has gone wrong with our young people but how have we as a society been looking out for them? Are we aware of their needs and how have we attended to them?

By organising "Lets' Get Loud" this young lady has taken on the responsibility to reach young people in a way she can.  I believe we will be part of the solution if we follow her lead.

Join us this Sunday as we get "Live and Loud for the Babes Helpline!"
Gerard

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.  - George Bernard Shaw

Dear Team
A mother of 6 children aged from 11 years old to 2 months was fighting to keep her children in her care during a Family Group Conference yesterday. Before the conference started proper, she lamented that it is so unfair that all her children were deemed to be at-risk of neglect and nobody seems to trust her ability as a mother. One's heart tends to go out to someone like her but then in view of various risk indicators observed, the hospital alerted the child protection service immediately after she had delivered her latest child. Files were then opened for all 6 children.

In exercising our role to support this mother, we cannot deny that the hospital's concerns were valid and they did the right thing. Also, the Child Protection Service did the right thing. It would be a great disservice to the children and the mother if we simply supported her fight without acknowledging that there are real risks present Our job then is to  deescalate the risks for the children, the mother and even ourselves. It is a difficult job as we have to find a balance that does the least harm to the mother and her children without putting undue risks onto ourselves.

Yesterday, things did not start off on a promising note. Just before the conference started, several family members  of this mother called to inform that they could not make it. However, we decided to keep the faith with those that came for her. There was a sister, 2 neighbours and eventually a brother who showed up. There was also a teacher and  the school counsellor of her eldest child and the child protection officer.  This disappointing start got mother a little flustered and she started complaining about  her children but the conference co-ordinator stopped her and reminded her that the purpose was really to find a way of reducing the risks of neglect that her children were facing and to strengthen her ability to provide her children adequate care.

The school counsellor and the teacher then set a reassuring tone by informing her that although  her eldest daughter's attendance at school was irregular, they were pleased with her efforts and the progress she had made in her studies. They believed that the child was capable in her studies and she would certainly fair better if her attendance at school improved. As the mother calmed downed, the child protection officer voiced her concerns. In a respectful tone and she gently explained to the mother the importance of her children receiving child care and after-school care without imposing  such care arrangements on her. 

When this mother and her support people presented their plan after their first private discussion, the coordinator pointed out various points of concern. To their credit, they went back into another discussion to strengthen their plan. The conference started at 2 pm and at 9 pm, everyone in the room was convinced that the mother and her support people were not just fighting to keep the children in their care but to keep the children safe and well-cared for. Keeping children safe and well-cared for is the job and we must always help those we serve to see that this is really what they should be fighting for.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. - Plato

Dear Team
The primary mission of the social work profession is to enhance human well being and help meet the basic human needs of all people, with particular attention to the needs and empowerment of people who are vulnerable, oppressed, and living in poverty. This statement is taken from the website of the National Association of Social Workers based in Washington.

All of us probably decided to serve because we harboured such an aspiration in our hearts. However, often in our day to day administration of the professional helping system, it can be very easy to lose sight of this aspiration. Hence, I thought I will highlight some examples how the well-being of those we serve have been enhanced this week in small concrete ways.

Early Monday morning, a father with 2 bags of luggage and 2 young children in tow was relieved and happy when a colleague showed up at the ferry terminal as he had requested. He was taking his very young children to meet his wife who is denied entry into Singapore. By helping this man and his children make the trip, our colleague has given this family who has been separated for a while, a chance to function as one again.

Another colleague organized a group of volunteers to clear out and replace the bug-infested furniture from a one-room flat. He also arranged for the flat to be certified bug-free by pest-control folks. This family of one grandmother and 3 children have now decorated their flat in time for Deepavali today. Also, yesterday with our support, another single mother of 4 brought her elderly mother who is residing in a residential facility, back home for Deepavali celebrations.
Enhancing the well being of others is not always about doing something for others but also about giving them the space and opportunity to value themselves. It was indeed heartening to see a group of 5 children at LIFE-our learning support programme, confidently 'educating' our volunteers from an international school about local festivals, customs and traditions. Also, at Whampoa our children from Kids United were enthusiastically helping our neighbours the Friends of the Disabled Society put together handicraft for sale. Our children felt valued as they could be helpful. As they proudly worked side by side their newly found disabled friends, they have done their bit to to include the vulnerable among us.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Civilization is a method of living, an attitude of equal respect for all men - Jane  Addams, social worker and first American woman to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize

Dear Team
6 youths out of a team of 10 are now busy at our Admiralty Road East premises putting the finishing touches to a futsal court (football on a hard court)  they have been working on since August.  Field of Dreams they call it and they dream of using football to make their community a better place. They will be working for the next few hours and their effort is in preparation of welcoming 6 teams who will be there tomorrow morning to kick off the first games on their labour of love.

One of the teams will be from JP Morgan who has been providing the funds for this team of 10 boys to realise this project (AWB 1013). The project is part of a programme to identify and encourage leaders among the youths we serve; providing them the opportunity to contribute to the well being of their community. In the process they learn skills related to project planning.  This initiative is the brainchild of Albert C Santos, IB Ops Manager South East Asia and Korea RTC,  Asia IB Operations J.P. Morgan and I am sure our youths will be happy to see him again when he leads the JP Morgan team into the Field of Dreams.

During the last few months,  as our youths learnt to source for materials they were introduced to comparative shopping. They had to negotiate with shopkeepers and to keep within a budget.  They realised that having money was one thing but using it carefully was quite another. However, the one lesson they never thought that they would learn was the value of manual labour. To prevent the balls flying off to the main road, the youths decided to erect nets similar to that at a golf driving range. How difficult could it be to dig a few holes, put a pole in them and pour cement into them? Well, they found out that even with the 10 of them who would be considered athletic and fit, it was back-breaking work.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Fair Play means respect. Respect is part of our game. Everyone has the same rights, including the right to be respected. - taken from the FIFA Fair Play Code

Dear Team
We serve the children of several foreign women. Many of these women struggle tremendously when their husband falls ill, lose their jobs or for various other reasons are unable to provide for the family. When this happens, most of them do not have the legal status to seek employment and they depend on the goodwill of extended family and friends to keep their family together. Despite these challenges, Singapore is home and in their own way they battle on for their children's sake.

On Wednesday, we began a 9 session programme to help 5  such women acquire basic English conversational skills. It was something these women had requested from us, a couple of months ago. So, with the generosity of the Leng Kee Community Club, a volunteer trainer from Kaplan Singapore and a group of volunteer child-minders we made it possible for 5 of the most enthusiastic students we have seen in a while. They were at the Leng Kee Community Club with their children way before we got there to set up the classroom. After they handed their children to the volunteer child minders, they waited eagerly in the the classroom for the trainer with notebook and pen in hand.

The lesson went very well as mistakes were  good naturedly  laughed off and students were constantly encouraging each other. The trainer was most patient and he picked up some useful phrases of his students' native language too. These mothers were most grateful at the end of the lesson and they shared that they were so excited before the lesson. One of them shared that she had been here for 10 years but she could never understand the English conversations around her.  Also, although she had always wanted to, she was unable to have a conversation with her children's teachers in school. The rest of the mothers then added that they were always a little envious of their children's ability to speak English and now they looked forward to  having a little chat in English with them 

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mahatma Gandhi

Dear Team
20 of our children performed at the Istana this afternoon for His Excellency President SR Nathan. The event was the Grand Finale of the Singhealth-President's Challenge 2010. Our children danced the Charleston to the jazz standard of When the Saints Go Marching In and for the 3 minutes it lasted, they looked nothing but poised and polished. The Charleston was a dance craze in the 1920s but it was amazing how our children took to it and it did wonders in portraying our children in a very positive light.  If the children had moved to the music that usually came out of the boom box they carried with them, I am quite sure it would have got several in the audience associating them with the noise at void decks that bothered on being a public nuisance. However, this time they were talented dance enthusiasts stretching themselves.

Getting our children to do the Charleston was a master stroke from choreographer Sinclair Ang who was engaged by Singhealth. Training began in July and we are also grateful for the support from the Leng Kee Community Club who provided us the use of their dance studio gratis. During this period, volunteers from Singhealth also helped out with our learning programmes and took a special interest in making today's performance a meaningful learning experience as well. It was the little details that mattered. Our children were dressed in a white top and black pants but the tops incorporated Chinese, Malay and Indian designs. Although they were dancing to moves created by African-American communities, our children were reminded of their ethnicity and the importance of multi-ethnic harmony in Singapore's context.

For me, the nicest thing this afternoon was having 5 parents at the Istana beaming with pride as their children were doing their moves. It was the first time these parents were at the Istana. These parents help out at our learning programmes and getting them into the Istana was our way of valuing their contribution to our programmes and their children's well being.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

The President's Challenge is a constant reminder to all that those who are able must extend a helping hand to those who are less privileged. - His Excellency  SR Nathan, President of the Republic of Singapore

Dear Team
Caring for children who are not our own requires a generosity of heart beyond attending to the immediate physical well being of the child. It also requires much clarity of purpose and a heightened awareness that the child has a family and our efforts are not provided with a view of adoption.

A couple of years ago, Bill who was deeply in love with Bess was told by our Registry of Marriages that he could not marry her as the work permit for foreign domestic helpers carries a condition that disallows marriage during their period of employment.   That did not stop the couple as they registered their marriage at Bess' hometown. Upon returning to Singapore, Bess quit her job returned home and soon after came back to get the marriage validated here. They then had 2 children. About 3 months ago, as the family was returning from a routine trip from Bess' hometown, Bess was denied entry and was barred from re-entering Singapore for 2 years as it was discovered that she had infringed the conditions of her work permit.

Bill was a responsible provider but he simply could not cope with the care of 2  infants and so with the help of a friend he placed them with volunteer baby sitters. He needed time to get over the shock and to figure out his next step. This week, he decided that the best thing for his children would be for them to be reunited with their mother in her hometown. Over the past 3 months, he had set aside a reasonable sum of money that would enable his family to live in a small house at Bess' hometown. He would continue working hard in Singapore, provide for his loved ones and visit during the weekend.

Sounds like a determined and well thought through plan but the various people associated with the baby sitting arrangements have expressed their reservations and politely asked Bill to reconsider.  Understandably their well meaning gestures are in their view, for the best interest of the infants but Bill's definition of best interest is that the children must be with their mother.

Last weekend, we had a different experience with Baby Nat (AWB 1029). The family friend caring for him told his mother Joan that at 70 years old, she was finding it extremely difficult to continue caring for Nat. Thus, she arranged for Joan to meet a childless couple in their 40s. Joan was nervous but assertively told the couple that Nat was her "Singapore Idol" and while she appreciated their help she will never give him up. The couple reassured her that they were not there to adopt Nat but simply to give him a stable home environment until Joan could settle down. As their home was open to Nat, it was also open to her anytime. 

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.  - Nelson Henderson

Dear Team
I was introduced  to 2 mothers who were waiting for their sons and friends to return from a football game. They had just finished preparing lunch for these boys who were attending an overnight camp with us.  As I thanked them for helping out with the camp, they revealed that they really wanted to be there because they were deeply disturbed by the substance use behaviours of their sons and their friends. They told me that it was exasperating. They have used both 'soft' and 'hard' approaches but to no avail. Hence, they were really glad that this was going to be a camp to address their substance use behaviours.

A month ago, we facilitated a meeting for the parents and care-givers of these 10 boys to discuss their children's substance use.  7 of these boys are 10 to 12 years old while the other 3 are 18 years old. Also present were the family service centre and a couple of youth agencies  serving their neighbourhood. This camp was a suggestion put forth by the parents at that meeting. Our role was to pull together the appropriate resources for it to happen.

With the support of We Care Community Services, we had 2 mature volunteers with us who had overcome their struggles with substance dependency. Together, we worked out a non-confrontational approach that patiently waited for opportunities in the course of camp activities,  to have purposeful discussions about substance abuse. The first opportunity came quite quickly as after initial team building activities, the boys asked a volunteer to tell them about himself.  Upon learning about his background, they started sharing about their own experiences.

Over the course of the camp, we gained a better appreciation of the boys' situation with regards to their substance use. It seemed like these boys were relieved that they could talk openly and honestly about an activity that they had to keep secret. At 1 am Sunday morning, while we were resting after a long cycling trip, these boys asked us how we could help them steer away from their substance use.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

As we grow better, we meet better people - Elbert Hubbard

Dear Team
We met up with the Fei Yue Family Resource Centre which supports the families of prisoners during their incarceration. One of the things they do is to help prisoners maintain contact with their families; with a view of  family reintegration upon their release. This direction towards family reintegration is similar to that of  our Restorative Care Programme for youths undergoing reformative training.  However, Fei Yue does not only work with youths but inmates of all ages. Hence, one of their challenges is to place babies born in prison back to the care and love of their families. Family reintegration is work we are familiar with and by working together with Fei Yue, we facilitate and increase the possibility of these babies being discharged to their families.

Rose is 27 and gave birth to her 4th child a month ago. 2 of her children were put up for adoption upon birth but she has a 6 year old child living with her mother.  She refused to disclose any information about her extended family and only after much persuasion, did she give permission for her mother to be contacted. We  found out later that it was her extended family who had persuaded her to put her children up for adoption. Rose speaks in a soft gentle way that comes across pleasantly but she is also naively frank and that does not always win the confidence of people in authority who have to assess her competency as a mother. "I really want to look after my baby but you know, I don't know how to be a mother. I have never looked after babies before." she says matter of fact. 
A simple enough solution would be for Rose to live with her mother upon her release. Her mother  can then guide and support her as she takes on mothering responsibilities for the first time. But Rose believes that her mother no longer cares for her as her mother has not visited her in prison even once. When we checked with Rose's mother, she explained that she did not visit because she wanted to let Rose realize the importance of family ties. Mother would be happy to welcome Rose home but then Rose's brother feels that in time Rose will only hurt and disappoint their mother again and refuses to let Rose come home.

Such is the situation to date and what is it that we need to do?  Well, before we even start thinking about possible action steps, we need to ask ourselves, who can we be to Rose, her mother, her brother and family members that we will eventually meet?  Can we be someone who is genuinely concerned, patient and understanding? Can we be someone who stays calm in the face of conflict? Can we be someone who can see beyond hurtful words or actions? Can we see the care and love within Rose and her family? Otherwise, we will never be able to place babies born in prison back to the care and love of their families.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

A baby in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men -  Martin Farquhar Tupper

Dear Team
I have just come back from a briefing organized by the newly formed Central Youth Guidance Office and it is heartening to note that they will be working towards an  integrated approach for youths-at-risk that is in the direction of diverting them away from court proceedings.  It was good to hear that diversion efforts will also be targeted at  those in their late teens as currently, every one above 16 years old will  be charged in  an "adult' court and upon conviction, will carry a criminal record.
 
Richard, 15 years old was charged with Section 379 read with Section 34 of the Penal Code (Chapter 224). He recently  took  a Malaysian registered motor cycle from a public car park for a joy ride. The police agreed that if Richard and his family were able to put together a credible plan how they would put things right, they would forward the plan together with their recommendations to the Attorney General's Office for consideration. The police could not say how this would turn out but felt that it may go some way in mitigating for Richard.
 
Hence, we helped to convene a family group conference for Richard who has been living with his mother after his parents divorced. Initially when we approached his father to take part in the conference, he was very unhappy that his ex-wife had not been able to look after Richard well and was extremely distrustful of our presence and the intentions of his ex-wife.  He only decided to come after we clarified that the conference will focus on ensuring the well being of his son and  it was not to rake up the unhappiness between his current family and that of his ex-wife. There was also a condition that the conference took place at a neutral place and so we held it at our Family Learning Centre.
 
The conference was attended by the current family members of Richard's father and mother. In all there were 10 family members present together with Richard's school counsellor, teacher and our colleagues who were attending to him. Despite our efforts at creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere, the conference begun on a note of distrust and impatience. When the co-ordinator asked if both families wanted to begin the meeting with a prayer for wisdom and guidance, they both cut him off with a curt 'No need. Let's get on with it!"
However, at the end of the conference, both families agreed on a list of preventive measures and support for Richard.  Richard besides making a commitment to  apologize to the victim, will volunteer at his school's thrift shop and share his learning from this experience with his school mates. All present were pleased with Richard's sincerity to put things right and when the conference ended, family members hugged each other and posed for an extended family photo.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

We can intervene in families' lives but we do not control that family's life - that is not our job and can never be our job. - Shannon Pakura, Chief Social Worker, NZ Department of Child, Youth & Family Services (2005)

Dear Team
Today, 120 families will be in their new traditional clothes as they celebrate Adil Fitri, the festival that follows the end of the fasting month. This was made possible by the generosity of the recreation club of the Government of Singapore Investment Corporation. During the fasting month, the club had arranged for the  Second Chance & First Lady boutiques in Geylang to welcome our families as they dropped by to pick outfits of their choice.  The boutique then did the necessary adjustments, packed the clothes and sent them to our family service centre while the bill went to the club.

The club's gesture meant a lot to the families. It was a gift that recognized culture and tradition as strengths and today these families will display their unity as they visit their relatives  dressed up   in matching outfits. Encouraging such visits are very much in line with our restorative social work approach as the visits are aimed at making peace with those whom one is at odds with and to strengthen ties with family and friends.

One mother told us that it was the first time her family had new clothes for the festival.    Despite feeling rather weak after a stint at a hospital, she was determined to collect the clothes when the club was giving them out 2 weeks ago at our family service centre.    She lived 2 roads away and what would have been a 15 minute walk took her an hour as she had to stop to rest several times.    When a member of the club realized this,  he made sure that she got home safely and swiftly by driving her home in his car after she had collected her family's clothes.

The strength of the culture and tradition also shone through when the families on their own initiative decorated our family service centre with home-made greeting cards and decorative ketupats (rice dumplings) to welcome the members of the club.    At the end of event, they presented the club with 2 hampers of home made cookies and other festive treats.    These families had asked everyone who was baking at home to set aside a small portion for the hamper.    As it turned out, there was more than enough for 2 hampers.

Culture and traditions are strengths that are often overlooked but often they are treasures that give people a sense of wealth,  pride and dignity.    By honouring their culture and traditions, our families found it within themselves to mirror the goodwill and generosity around them.  On Wednesday, we also had the privilege of witnessing the strength of 3 children aged 12, 10 and 9 years old as they spent a day with their mother at our Family Learning Centre.    It was a rare occasion as mother does not have custody and so the children decided among themselves to be on their best behaviour for mother.    In the sprit of Ramadan, they refrained from the little fights they would usually have among themselves and found much joy in helping mother with some baking.  It seemed like their fasting brought about an awareness that one can find joy in relationships and simple things. They were chatting and laughing all the way as they took a walk to the nearby park.  

At 7 pm that day, after preparing the table for dinner, mother and the children sat down waiting for the call to prayer from a radio. The children finished their prayers and respectfully sought their mother's permission to start eating when they were done. It was a picture of  a harmonious and well functioning family and this picture, we must put into their file which currently only has a referral form marked "dysfunctional family".

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognises your disabilities but emphasises your possibilities. - William Arthur Ward

Dear Team
For an hour on Thursday, our teachers at the Healthy Start Child Development Centre had a break as Mister Maker from CBeebies of the BBC worked with the children to create a pair of Alien Eyes.   Mister Maker was a blast and our kids had a wonderful time to say the least. Our teachers encourage such interactive play as they believe that children learn when they play; play is children's work and how they find out about the world.

That hour was a well deserved break for our teachers who are constantly conducting their activities and themselves according to the teaching principles they hold dear. A teacher does not just deliver a lesson or simply carry out a list of routine tasks. Very often, their day throws them different challenges and they respond guided by principles. At our school, regardless of their background, our teachers firmly believe that families are the children's first educators. Here are some examples how their work guided by this principle looked like.

When our teachers learnt that the parents of a student were picked up by the police last Saturday,  a teacher assured the child's grandmother that support for the child will continue. She also affirmed the grandmother for stepping up to the task of care-giving and added that despite the  indiscretions of both parents, they were obviously doing something right as the child is doing well in school. This teacher believed that as the parents will be absent for a while, it is even more important that the child remains in the care of a family member.

When Anne, a 4 year old found loitering was brought to the school by a community worker, the teachers got into action immediately even though it was closing time. Anne looked like she had not cleaned for days but within half an hour, Anne was spick and span. The teachers then accompanied the community worker as she searched for Anne's care givers in the nearby housing estate. As the community worker knocked on doors, the teachers continually reassured Anne that she will soon be reunited with her family. That evening, Anne returned to family. 

Sometimes. it is just trusting that there is a logical explanation for everything. It was 8.30 pm before a mother showed up at school for her child. This mother was deeply apologetic and explained that she was held up at a police station. Instead of listening to mother's elaborated explanation, the teacher told her that it was best that she comforted her child first. The explanations could wait for another day as the mother-child relationship was priority. Earlier on, when the teacher was waiting with the child, she continually reassured the child that mummy had a good reason to be late but she will show.

Our community workers who were with the teachers during the above incidents have nothing but deep appreciation for their good sense, dedication and most importantly, their reverence for the principle that families are the children's first educators. 

Enjoy your Teacher's Day weekend.
Gerard

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. - Aristotle

Dear Team
We are supporting a grandmother who is requesting to care for her grandchild who has been in hospital since June because she was born pre-maturely. The baby's young parents are awaiting incarceration as they have been charged for assisting with loansharking activities. Having lost their jobs, both parents decided to be loan shark runners and very quickly, they ran into the arms of the law.

This baby has 3 older siblings aged 5, 3 and 2 years old and the family live with grandmother. Grandmother is a widow in her early fifites and is a cancer survivor who needs periodic visits to the hospital. She works as a coffee shop assistant and has decided to leave her job to care for the children once both parents begin their prison term.

Right now the children are not in iminent danger, and the key issue is grandmother's financial status. The situation seems bleak but not beyond hope. If one wants to resolve it in a pragmatic way that is efficient, neat and "risk-free", then options like foster care and residential programmes for the children need to be put in place immediately. However, substitute care does little in helping people help themselves, a key tenet of our work. Helping people to help themselves requires our actions to be guided by principles that honour and preserve the roles and responsibilities of families. When we do so, we will find ways to help this grandmother (who wants to care for her grandchildren despite her difficulties) use her personal resources  to care for her grandchildren in a responsible way.

Grandmother realises that without a job, caring for the grandchildren will soon deplete her finances. Hence, she is grateful that we will be helping her contact her extended family to come together for a family group conference. This is a planning meeting where family members work at finding a way of supporting her will to care for her grandchildren.

As much as we endeavour to empower familites, some situations are beyond us. Yesterday, we called the police when we could not get a visual of a young child who was reportedly locked in the toilet of her flat. We were alerted to the situation by neighbours as there was no adult present in the flat. We made the call on the basis of the child's safety. The child was taken to the hospital but I imagine her parents had the scare of their lives when they reached home to an empty flat. They will spend the next few days in and out of the hospital and in and out of interview rooms of the authorities.

Whatever the reasons may be, we do not condone young children being locked at home alone. However, we could not help wondering if the immediate community could have reached out to these parents who obvously needed some support in caring for their young child. It is a good thing that the neighbours cared enough to alert someone, it would be great if they cared enough to reach out to these parents way before as friendly neighbours. Perhaps, such a situation could have been prevented as they could have babysitted the child. Our helping should endeavour to foster such caring communities so that people with problems can be helped within their natural networks.

We hope that when the dust settles and the child is returned to the parents, these parents will find it within themselves to see that their neighbours were not busy bodies who had passed a judgement on them but caring people who had the best interest of their child at heart. If they can do that, there is hope that they will experience the empowerment that comes with living among friends that care.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life. - E. M. Forster, British novelist (1879-1970)

Dear Team
After a year of  preparation 22 youths from more than 250 finally made it to the Youth Olympic Village as Community Project Facilitators in-charge of Circus Arts. Dressed in an official purple polo tee and smart khaki pants, these youths conducted themselves respectably as Singapore's ambassadors to their peers from the rest of the world. We could not help feeling really proud of them as they stretched out their hands to introduce themselves followed by "Where are you from and what's your sport?"  They mingled confidently with the crowd and not for a moment would anyone realize  that they are youths-at-risk who had once gotten into trouble of sorts.

Over the last year, we have been offering  students and youths from residential settings the opportunity to serve as a Community Project Facilitator for the Youth Olympics. Eventually, these 22 gathered from a couple of schools, the Bukit Ho Swee neighbourhood and the Muhammadiyah Welfare Home stuck to the regular training where they reached a level of competency that enables them to instruct others. At the village, they  showed the athletes how to juggle, spin a plate, throw a diablo, lift  devil sticks and swing a poi. In the process they were to reinforce the Olympic values of excellence, respect and friendship.

The idea of reinforcing the Olympic values sounds real nice but can it really be done?  Here are a couple of exchanges between the athletes and our youths and you decide if the idea succeeded. A  16 year old Israeli basketball player got our youths thinking what it means to persevere for excellence when he shared that he had lived through 2 wars. When asked how he did it, this 16 year old simply shrugged his shoulders and said that he just focused on what he had control over and that was basketball. Our Muslim youths listened respectfully while encouraging him as he fiddled with the diablo. The basketball player was definitely comfortable in the company of our youths and soon they were laughing and gently teasing each other like a bunch of teenagers hanging out.

Another athlete from Yemen could not speak a word of English but she enthusiastically wanted to try out every skill we were imparting. While enthusiastic she was rather self-conscious about her inability to verbally communicate with our youths but she eased up immediately when one of our youths greeted her with the traditional Muslim greeting  Assalamu Alilkum or may god's peace, mercy and blessings be with you.  Somehow, despite the differences, our youths found a way to find something similar to reach out to these athletes from different lands. Amidst the falling plates and juggling balls rolling all over the place, excellence, respect and friendship stood their ground.

Perhaps being in the company of champions brought out the champion in our youths. Working alongside them, greeting and speaking with the athletes was Yumilka Ruiz Luaces, a 4 time Olympian who has won 2 gold medals and 1 bronze as the Captain of the Cuban women's volleyball team. Whatever it was, The Youth Olympics has won over these 22 youths whom a year ago could not imagine playing a role in an international event. They are now glad that they hung on and are now eagerly looking forward to their final round of duty this Sunday. 

You will learn the difference between winning and being a champion. To win, you merely have to cross the finish line first. To be a champion, you have to inspire admiration for your character, as well as for your physical talent. - Jacques Rogge, President, Internal Olympic Committee at the YOG Opening Ceremony

Dear Team
Every helping professional will readily say that they aim to empower those they serve but this is easier said than done. When problem-solving, a skilled helping professional will inevitably guide the service–user toward a solution or a plan that the professional deems acceptable.    As such, it is often the professional’s plan or a compromise disguised as the service-user’s solution. Our service-users are not stupid; they know that but go along with it because a professional said so. Honestly, how empowering can that be?

Today, some of our team-mates concluded 12 days of Family Group Conferencing training as partial fulfillment to be recognized as a certified Family Group Conferencing Co-ordinator. The final examinations won’t be till next February and till then, they will have to co-ordinate Family Group Conferences.

In a nutshell the Family Group Conference is a planning meeting but it is structured in a way where all information/evidence about the presenting problem is transparent to the family and the family will be given private time  to come up with a plan to address the problem. Professionals are not involved in these discussions unless invited by the family. Even then, they should only serve as resource people or information-givers but not guides.

The private family time is really a gift of empowerment as families have to utilize the resources and strengths within their family group to resolve their problem. A research in Holland revealed that these family plans were as sustainable as that made by helping professionals. After 9 months, these families reported that they feel better supported and confident about their abilities and the strength of their natural support network. In another study by the University of Sheffield examined 80 families from England and Wales, 74 produced plans that were fully acceptable to the professionals as to be in the best interest of children.

It is encouraging to know that given the opportunity, people can and will help themselves. As professionals, our role is to find a way for them to do so. The Family Group Conference is one way of doing so and although it originates from the Maoris in New Zealand, it resonates with others halfway round the globe.  Over the past 2 weeks, we have had the privilege to learn from Allan MacRae, a practice advisor in New Zealand, Dr Frank Früchtel a Professor for Restorative Social Work in Germany and Rob van Pagée, the CEO of Eigen Kracht who trains and co-ordinates Family Group Conferences across the Netherlands. The Dutch believe that a Family Group Conference is a citizen’s right and their coordinators are citizens who are not helping professionals. 

The Inaugural Youth Olympics kicked off yesterday evening with the girls’ football tournament. The Singapore girls’ team will not be playing but this afternoon Elly, a youth who made it to our National Team will be a torch bearer. Last Saturday, several of us braved the rain to support Teck Ghee (AWB 0936) who held the torch. It was a short distance of 2 lamp posts but it was a most empowering experience for him. When the bus dropped him off at the point where he was to receive the torch, the first thing he said was “Wah! They treated me like VIP!”  The big smile on his face and the flush of pride on Teck Ghee’s face will always remain with us as a picture of empowerment.

The Singapore 2010 Youth Olympics Games has touched several of our young people in a positive way and we are proud to be an Official Partner for the Culture and Education Programme.

You can catch the live coverage of the Opening Ceremony tomorrow on Channel 5 at 8 pm.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

We see the brightness of a new page where everything yet can happen. - Rainer Maria Rilke

Dear Team
Last Tuesday, at the  Ministry of Home Affair's National Day Observance Ceremony, Deputy Prime Minister Wong Kan Seng  announced the setting up of a new central Youth Guidance Office to address the issue of youth offenders. This office will coordinate different programmes run by the government and community partners.  

Mr. Wong said: "Breaking the cycle of offending and re-offending early can help to prevent the situation of a growing social underclass and increasing numbers trapped at the margins of society over time. If left unaddressed, the social costs can be high. The repeated imprisonment not only alienates the offender from society, it also puts his family and children in a crisis and raises the risk of inter-generational crime." 

Florence is  36 years old and lives in a rental flat with her husband and a 2 year old child. Over the past 3 weeks, we have been going on MRT rides with Florence and showing her how to get around. We also showed her what a blue-tooth headset was and taught her how to surf the net for available work opportunities. This week, a cafe agreed to see her for a waitressing job and we have been coaching her for the interview which took place just a few hours ago.  Florence starts work on Tuesday :).

Florence's mother passed away when she was 7 and she lived mainly with her grandmother. At 15, she was admitted into the Singapore Girls Home for substance abuse. Soon after she was released, she was caught and sent to a drug rehabilitation centre.  She remembers the 6 years from 17 to 22 as the best in her life as she was able to care for her grandmother. She was putting aside money to take grandmother on a holiday when she was imprisoned for drug related offences at 23.  Florence tells us that she has 2 regrets. One, she never took her grandmother for a holiday. She remembers being furious, the day she learnt that her grandmother had died. Grandmother's death felt like a betrayal and she was  angry at herself for having such feelings. The other regret was having her first child taken away from her after 6 months of caring for him in prison. She swears that the baby was clinging to her and did not want to let go.  After than, Florence decided that the only way to survive prison was to harden herself and keep away from any unnecessary contact with her warders. Hence, she refused any of the rehabilitation programmes offered and joked that it wasn't so bad because when she got too 'crazy', she would get her fair share of medication. 

Florence was released in 2008. Got married, had a child and seldom ventured beyond her neighbourhood. After joining the  Hope Ownership Plus Education (HOPE)Scheme http://app1.mcys.gov.sg/Assistance/HomeOwnershipPlusEducationHOPEScheme.aspx she found  a dream.  Her father is a taxi driver and Florence dreams of being his  relief driver and eventually taking over the car so that her father can retire. Hence, she would like to use the training grant from the HOPE Scheme to get a driving license.

As our DPM Mr. Wong has pointed out, imprisonment alienates the offender and Florence will be trapped at the margins of society if her challenges cannot be overcome. The responsibility for doing so is ours a much as it is hers. As we fly our flags this National Day, let's fervently wish that the Florences among us can live their dreams.

Happy 45th Birthday Singapore!
Gerard

So come and sing,  Sing a Song for Singapore, You are my brother, you are my sister, I am thankful for my Singapore.
-from Song for Singapore, this year's National Day Theme Song  by Corrinne May

Dear Team
Over the past month  the Singapore Cybersports & Online Gaming Association has been offering their care, concern and wisdom to a 12 year old girl (AWB - 1026) who has been spending a huge amount of time on the computer. The association arranged for Monster, Singapore's most decorated gamer in a related game, to have a chat with the girl. Monster is doing his national service but gave his precious 'book-out time" away from camp to meet the girl. After watching Monster for a few minutes on the computer, this girl realised that she was in the presence of class, a master from the highest league.
 
Impressed, the 12 year old listened as Monster shared about life as a professional gamer and how he decided to retire as he felt he needed to stop deferring from National Service and to build a career after that. Having 'been there and done that', Monster's stories of the glory and dirt in professional gaming were believable and had the girl pondering. The girl has included Monster onto her Facebook and we are glad that she now has a link with a trustworthy adult friend.
 
Today the girl is reportedly co-operating with her house rules regarding computer usage and has spent a few days volunteering with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals where its people only had wonderful things to say about her. Progress is slow but perhaps the support from the community and has helped move things along. I am deeply appreciative of how both organisations went out of their way to reach out to this 12 year old. One has to be at least 17 years old to volunteer at SPCA but they took her in and SCOGA met the girl at her home. Such can only be genuine care and concern on their part and such gives us a sense of belonging to our community.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community. - M. Scott Peck  

Dear Team
We were asked by a medical social worker  to support a 17 year old who had just informed her family that she was 7 months pregnant. The social worker was concerned that the family would be overwhelmed by the situation and some professional assistance would be needed. As we walked into the girl's home, we were greeted by a roomful of family and extended family members. The parents and other adults were discussing options such as marriage, single- parenthood and adoption in a most thoughtful way as the girl  and the father of her child listened attentively.
 
While we were a little concerned if it was stressful for the 17 year old mom-to-be, it certainly did not look like they were a family that was overwhelmed by the situation.  In fact, the care, concern, love and resources present within the family could never be replicated by a professional service. Hence, it is our task to provide families with the space and autonomy to utilize their resources. This is empowerment and in the process they enlarge their social capital. The enlargement of social capital is as important as actually finding a solution to the problem. Basically all of us have our problems but even when our problems don't go away, we get by with a little help from family and friends. Often those we serve feel marginalized and isolated and so, they tend to be weighed down by their problems.
 
We also attended to a grandmother who was demanding that the hospital release her new-born grand-daughter to her care. The baby's mother will be incarcerated till August next year and besides the hospital, the other professional involved was the Family Resource Centre, a service for prison inmates run by FeiYue Community Services.  Understandably, the hospital was reluctant to release the baby because grandmother was known to the Child Protection Services 20 years ago. However, the Family Resource Centre had assessed that grandmother's current situation did not appear to pose any safety risk to the baby. So when we agreed to register the baby in our early intervention programmes and to continue monitoring the situation, the baby went home.
Grandmother was most grateful as she explained why she was fighting so hard to have the baby with her. She is now living in a 5 room flat with a daughter but 20 years ago, she was homeless. With 3 children in her arms, she ran away from an abusive situation and was picked up by the authorities for putting up in a bin centre. She had 6 children but 3 were adopted at birth while the other 3 spent most of their formative years in institutions. Out of these 3 children, 2 are currently incarcerated.
This grandmother believes that her children went astray as they never had the love of a family and she is determined that this does not happen to any of her grandchildren.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

The sun at home warms better than the sun elsewhere. - An Albanian Proverb

Dear Team
We are always filled with mixed feelings when someone whom we have once helped comes back to seek our help again. We always say that as a non-profit social service organisation; we are not a business and unlike a business, we do not seek repeat business.  On the other hand, the challenges life throws up are unpredictable and in times of difficulty, people seek those whom they trust . Thus, the over-arching objective of our work is to always re-integrate our service-users back to their support networks and community where they can give and receive support. 

So with mixed feelings we attended to Joan (AWB - 0631) who returned with baby Nat who of course is no longer a baby but a lively 4 year old who is in pre-school. A few weeks ago, Nat refused to step into school and simply stood at the door. When a  teacher came up to speak to him, he pushed her away with both hands. The school then sent him home.

Home over the past 7 months has been that of a family friend who had offered to care for Nat as Joan could not find accommodation that enabled Nat to be with her. Joan who works as a waitress  found it hard to visit as the only time she had available was from 3 pm to 6 pm when the restaurant closed its doors. Weekends were busiest and so visits to Nat were far and between and Nat was not happy. Besides trouble at school, he would be biting and scratching himself at home and over the last month, he would be having a mild fever in the evening that usually went away in the mornings.

When Nat's care-giver insisted that Joan spent more time with her child, she came to us and we arranged for her to spend a weekend with Nat at our premises. Despite being mostly apart the last 7 months, the mother-child bond never disappeared. From the moment they met, both of them began making up for lost time. After spending the day at a playground, mother and child sat at a table to put together a collage depicting their family. From a pile of magazines, Joan and Nat cut out pictures, text and blended them with the photographs of the day.

Nat's reading ability was of course limited but he waited for his mother's instructions eagerly and enthusiastically cut, pasted and coloured as told. Mother and child worked well as a team and when we saw the completed piece, we figured that mom was trying to explain herself to Nat. The piece was entitled "Confessions of a single mother."  Perhaps in time, Nat will have a different view of what his mother was trying to say to him through the collage but for now, he only saw the happiness they shared that day.

This week Nat's care-giver reported that he has been most cooperative at home and they have had no complaints from his school. He is sleeping well and no longer complains of a mild fever. Nat's care-givers are convinced that the weekend with his mother had made all the difference.  I guess we can never be sure about such things but  mom concurs with Nat's caregivers and has promised to come back with Nat to our premises during her next day off. 

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

A mother's heart is the child's schoolroom. - H. W. Beecher

Dear Team
Little Sasha, 4 years old started off enthusiastically when the Community Run flagged off but after a good 10 minutes, she  stopped and got her mom to carry her. However, every time our cheerleaders were in view, she asked mom to put her down and she ran past them energetically receiving their applause. Sasha did the same at the  finishing line where a crowd gathered to welcome back every runner. Covering 4 km with a  4 year old in one's arms was not exactly easy and mom must have wished that we had more cheerleaders along the route. Little Sasha has reminded us just how important and powerful  a little encouragement can be.

As a group of youths were gathering to leave for the event, Frank's step-mother came by to inform that she could not wake him up. The group went over to Frank's home and within half an hour, Frank was on the bus with his friends. Again, how a little support made all the difference. Running may be simple but it is not easy and as such, the Streetwise Run has been a metaphor for the giving and receiving of support.

Families, teachers and friends were there to support each other and to support the event. We were touched when several youths who have moved on, came back to join the event. Ronnie was one of them who only managed to arrive close to the flag off of the competitive race. He had been caught up with work and could not come by to get his runner tag. Although he did not have a number tag and a timing chip, he decided to race ahead when the horn blared. He was among the first at the finishing line but he told us that his prize was the satisfaction of having supported the event of an organisation that had previously given him so much support.

Roy,11 years old arrived at the run with his mother and younger sister to the delight of his friends who had not seen him for the past 4 months. Roy is currently in a residential programme and he too was very happy to see his friends. When he completed his run, he hung around the finishing line waiting for his younger sister who was doing the  Community Run. When he spotted her, he ran towards her, lifted her into his arms and gave her a big hug. After putting her down, they crossed the finishing line together hand in hand. It was a proud moment for their mother who was cheering wildly together with the other parents. Our colleague who has been supporting this family through their ups and downs described this mother's beaming face as a priceless sight. I guess we too need encouraging moments like that to assure us that we are on the right track.

Finally, I must put on record that the child who was the last runner last year was not the last this year. He was grinning from ear to ear as he was approaching the finishing line to loud applause.  As we congratulated him, we commented to his mother that he had improved tremendously. Her smile said it all.

For the record, there were 4450 participants and to date, $223K in donations have come in of which $100K is from PSA the main sponsor. We estimate that we will eventually reach $300K. Our most grateful thanks to everyone who had contributed to this year's success.
Gerard

We need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes and encourage them in their pursuits. When we help one another, everybody wins. - Jim Stovall

Dear Team
Firstly, much thanks to  those who helped me seek out a resource person in the online gaming sector.  We have hooked up with the Singapore Cybersports & Online Gaming Association who has been most helpful.

This Sunday will be Singapore's National Youth Day and we will be celebrating at our Streetwise Run for the 10th year running. Over the years, we have joked that the Streetwise Run was the Youth Day Celebration for those who were not be a part of the mainstream celebrations. The cynical may even say that it is a celebration for those who have nothing much to celebrate. How wrong they are!  Life always gives us something to celebrate and the Streetwise Run continues to be an important opportunity for our youths to find something good within themselves that is worth celebrating.

Though only 16 years old, Wendy appears a little tired and pessimistic. 4 years ago, she was the best floor ball player in her school who caught the attention of the national team selectors but that promise fizzled out when she dropped out of school. After leaving our residential facility, she fell out with family and friends who had offered to care for her. She ended up living by her wits and eventually got caught by the police for a minor offence. The police placed her on the Guidance Programme and she returned to our doorstep. It was a challenge for us to help her complete the programme successfully. Not having a permanent address or a  guardian  meant that we were never sure when she would show up. How do we run a programme for someone who is not physically with us?  Nonetheless, after several months and with the support of the police, we eventually graduated Wendy and she was not charged in court.

In the light of her lack of a permanent address and adult supervision, Wendy never thought that she could complete the Guidance Programme successfully and had already braced herself for long term institutional care. So, she took the chance to remain in the community with both hands. After moving around a couple more times, she eventually got back with her family.

A couple of months ago, she told us that she will join the run. Knowing that her fitness level was nowhere near the time she was a floor ball player, her target was simply to beat our colleague who was her Guidance Programme officer. Wendy was positive that this colleague being on the plump side would be no match for her.

At our trial run 3 weeks ago, Wendy was outpaced by our colleague.  "Well at least I beat a few boys!" she defended herself trying to keep her pride in tact but moments later, Wendy and us had a good laugh about  how she had underestimated our colleague. However, we pointed out to Wendy that completing 8.4 km after not doing any sports for 4 years was something worth celebrating. Also, by putting on her running shoes as a way of doing her part for the organisation was another thing worth celebrating.

Since the trial run, Wendy seems to have a renewed zest for life. With lots of free time on her hands, she took up our suggestion to get involved with Civic Life: Tiong Bahru who is producing a short film  by UK filmmakers Joe Lawlor and Christine Molloy tentatively entitled The Market. The film will take part in the Encounters Short Film Festival this November in the UK.  Wendy plays a young girl living with a foster mother coming to terms with a tension she is experiencing within herself. Her foster mom provides her with a life more comfortable than anything she has known but yet she yearns for a harmony within that seems to evade her simply because her current residence is not her home.

We were with Wendy when she got the script a day before filming and were a little taken aback how closely art reflected life...Wendy's life. The filmmakers had no clue about her background and it was a story put together through various conversations they had with residents at the Tiong Bahru Community Centre. Hence, we were a tad concerned that it was too close for comfort for Wendy. We spoke to her briefly about it but the next day when the cameras started rolling,  Wendy was a natural who charmed fellow actors and  the 35 strong crew. When shooting after 2 days ended, the crew warmly congratulated Wendy and the other youths for the fine work they had put in.

The glow on the faces of  Wendy and the other youths, their pride for a job well done and their improved self-esteem are just some the things we will be celebrating this Sunday.

Happy Youth Day and may your day be filled with many reasons worth celebrating!
Gerard

Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living! - Amanda Bradley

Dear Team
A 12 year old girl who is really competent in Sudden Attack, an online game came to our attention because her life now revolves around her passion. She has stopped attending school, she games into the wee hours of the morning and she leaves her home in a huff and sometimes not returning for a few days whenever her parents try to redirect her back to her studies.  Needless to say, her parents are worried sick and feeling really lousy about their parenting ability.

Helping agencies tend to approach such a situation in 3 ways. Firstly, we see the 12 year as being way out of line and need to be disciplined for her own safety and well being. So we would recommend taking a court order to place the girl on mandatory guidance programme which may eventually include institutionalization. Secondly, we see her as having an illness such as an addiction or a conduct disorder and we recommend appropriate treatment. Thirdly,we see the girl and her parents needing some kind of "family life education." 

Now there is a time and place for all 3 approaches but problem solving cannot only be limited to them. This would be akin to explaining  complex social challenges  by blaming the people we serve for being 'bad', 'sick' or 'uneducated.' In any case if the people we serve realized that this is how we think of them, we are not going to be on friendly terms let alone get very far in developing a helping relationship.

The helping sector has been operating within the parameters of these 3 approaches for a long time and implicitly we believe that the solutions lie within us - the helping professional. You know, we cannot be more arrogant or wrong if we really believe this. We can be a part of the solution but social ills require a societal effort. An important part of our job is to  keep society engaged in a way  that it takes an active interest in our work and finds ways where it can contribute.

Take this 12 year old girl for instance. She will definitely not talk to anyone who considers her "bad", "sick" or "uneducated" but perhaps she may be more open to someone who sees her as one who has taken a different path from her peers. The next time we visit her, we would like to bring a volunteer who makes a living from gaming to come with us or someone who represents our nation in the World Cyber Games. Let me know if you are in contact with someone like that.

So if asked what is the one thing that would make our work easier? It would have to be a concerned society that seeks to understand the challenges faced by those among us who are marginalized. I would think that with understanding comes compassion and generosity of heart. This is not a request to society but a request to the helping sector to realize that we can only make headway into complex social issues such as child protection, teen delinquency, illiteracy, homeless families and so forth if we are able to inform, inspire and involve our society to contribute to solutions for our challenges.

With the Streetwise Run coming up, this is our fund-raising period but besides looking for funds, we are also looking for time, expertise and I guess understanding and support for our work. Thus, I thank you for being on this weekly mailer which I hope has gone some way in giving you an idea of our challenges and that of fellow members of our community who find it hard to live among us.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

"The time is always right to do right"
Nelson Mandela

Dear Team
Our Streetwise Run is 3 Sundays away and  we  could certainly do with more runners. As of today, we have 2310 runners of which 537  are running competitively. Do pass the word around and get more to join us. 

Yesterday, more than 60 youths from different estates we work in came together for a joint training session. To their credit, these young people did not stick to their cliques and mingled well with each other. After the run proper, these young people gathered themselves into different teams for a kick about and it was heartening to see that the teams were not representative of the estate they came from. Later, when refreshments were served, these young people worked together on our manual ice-kachang machines to ensure that every one of them enjoyed a cold syrupy ice-ball. Tomorrow, all our runners will be going on a trial run at 9.00 am and I am glad to note that those of us who are not caught up with work will be there to support our young people. 

Support is something all of us could have a little more off. However, helping professionals are often weary about the amount of support to render fearing that we will be cultivating dependency. So we create protocols and guidelines to ensure we remain objective and stay true to "getting  people to learn to fish." Such efforts are well intended but the resultant effect often is that helping becomes something that is done from a distance. At best this type of professional distance removes the human touch and ironically, it hinders authentic problem solving that helping professionals believe we are attempting. However, support is also not just about us jumping into a problem quickly but also about keeping a respectful distance.

Brenda's (AWB- 1021) 2 young children were with us when we received a call that their mother's condition at the hospital was critical. While it would have been easy for us to send them to the hospital, we contacted their father to do so. It was a very difficult and confusing time for the family but we were mindful that the  most helpful and respectful support we could give was simply to let the family work through the difficult period in their own way and in their own time. We watched respectfully from a distance as the father guided the children to bid goodbye to their mother in accordance to their cultural traditions. 

After the funeral, father contacted us to ask for support. As someone who was working long hours at the port, he wondered how he could adequately care for his children. We then accompanied him as he approached 3 of his neighbours for their assistance. To his relief, none of his neighbours turned him down. Even an elderly couple with one spouse who needed to move around on a wheelchair,  opened their home to his children. These neighbours were expecting nothing in return except for the satisfaction of knowing that the children were cared for. Such unconditional goodwill can never be replicated by a professional helping system. 

Standing with  father as he spoke to the neighbours, we heard these neighbours speaking fondly of Brenda and reminiscing about her generosity. One neighbour related how Brenda would bring her favourite "squid cooked in black ink" whenever she noticed that she was having a rough day. They had also noticed how Brenda had offered her home to others in need and felt that they were now duty bound to do whatever they could for her children.

It is going to be going to trying for the family as they learn to cope without Brenda but the outpouring of support from people around them has given father strength. He has asked us to let him organize a surprise birthday party for his son at our premises next weekend. The children remember our  premises as the last time they had a very happy time with their mother. We now have to support father as he builds on this happy memory. 

Wishing you a restful weekend.
Gerard

We can work together for a better world with men and women of goodwill, those who radiate the intrinsic goodness of humankind - Wangari Maathai

Dear Team
20 participants from 12 different organizations (including ourselves)  completed a Social Circus Trainer Workshop conducted by Andrea Ousley from the National Institute of Circus Arts, Melbourne today. With the support of Cirque du Soleil, a partner-in-service, we had the honour of hosting this rewarding learning experience which began on Monday.  The new friendships that fellow participants have found are now a potential resource for further mutual learning and inter-agency collaboration. Most importantly, they are an important resource for the well being of the young people and families we serve as the skills acquired from this workshop are meant to serve a social purpose.

By hosting this workshop, opportunities were created for parents and young people to showcase their strengths and to give back to the community. Refreshments for the entire workshop were prepared by the parents of the young people we serve. In the spirit of inclusiveness, these parents contributed to a different cuisine each day that reflects Singapore's multi-ethic culture. Participants were also waited upon by our children and youths who made sure that tables were cleared and the cutlery was spick and span. These parents and young people can stand tall as participants had nothing but praise for the pride they took in their work. 

While participants were exposed to circus arts, this was not a circus skills workshop. It was a workshops aimed at getting participants skilled and confident in managing a group of youths and facilitating important conversations among them. Learning was not just the taking in of new information but also the processing of the experience from within. One participant shared that  the exercises got him thinking that be needed to be communicating better with the people in his life. He had a nagging feeling that others had a lot to tell him about himself but he had avoided listening.

Another related how he was just about to let go during a pyramid building exercise. He was part of a team attempting a circular pyramid when participants opposite him fell. His immediate reaction was to stop supporting his side of the the pyramid and start all over again but because the others around him did not let go, he continued to hold steady with much effort. Soon he found himself joining others who were encouraging those who fell to reorganize themselves. Realising that their team-mates were holding on for them, those who fell acted with urgency and the pyramid stood.

After the pyramid building exercise, it hit this participant that his experience summed up an aspect of social work quite nicely. Serving others is sometimes disappointing and there will be many a time we feel really weak but if we perservere in reaching out to strengthen others, we will eventually regain our strength. We should always be grateful to those we serve because by strengthening others, we strengthen ourselves.

For the record the organizations represented at the workshop were the Association of Muslim Professionals, Beyond, Canossaville Children's Home, Care Community Service, Children At Risk Empowerment Association, Club Bilya, Muhammadiyah Welfare Home, Pertapis Bukit Batok Boys' Hostel, Teen Challenge, We Care Community Services, Yayasan Mendaki and Youth Guidance Outreach Services.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dear Team
Ida is a 29 year old single parent awaiting a 2 year prison sentence for consumption of a controlled drug. Ida is also a foreigner who has very little support from Singaporean friends or relatives.   The one thing she desperately wants to put in place before beginning her prison sentence is the long-term care and supervision of her 3 young Singaporean children. She was worried that if they were placed in care, the chances or her ever seeing them again would be slim as she will be barred from re-entering Singapore for 5 years upon completing her sentence.

The situation looked bleak as her husband was also recently incarcerated and she had difficulty contacting his side of the family. Placing the children with her husband's extended family remains an option but in view of her reparation we advised her to appoint a trustworthy person to be the legal guardian for her children. We will be helping her with this arrangement.

Ida found it difficult to focus as we explored with her a possible trustworthy person whom she could appoint as a guardian for her children. Eventually, she mentioned her parents who came into Singapore every now and then to help care for her children . However, it would mean that her children's education will be disrupted as her parents will not be able to remain in Singapore on a long term basis.  We then suggested the names of other mothers whom we knew that were also from  her country.  That was helpful as she remembered the generosity, one mother had previously extended to her children.

After hearing Ida out, this mother agreed to be appointed the children's legal guardian. Together with Ida, they have come up with a care and supervision plan that involves regular visits from Ida's parents. We are also helping Ida to reestablish contact with her husband's side of the family and most importantly for now,  supporting her children and her as they bid each other goodbye.

Despite a bleak situation, much can still be done to bring meaning, purpose, relief and a sense of peace to those we serve.

Have a good weekend!
Gerard

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. - Mother Teresa

Dear Team
Brenda who is in her 40s is a proud mother of 2 young children who attend our learning programmes. Despite not having very much, she opens her home and her heart to 3 other children who have no accommodation. She constantly reminds her children that no matter what their circumstance, they always have it in them to share.  As such, all the children in her household are firm friends.

Recently, Brenda was hospitalised and so as respite from her day to day routine, we invited her and all 5 children to spend a weekend with us. We told her that she will get a chance to rest while we occupied the children with activities. When she accepted our invitation, we told her that the weekend will also allow us to show our appreciation for her generosity towards the 3 children.

Many of the people we serve actually serve as important resources for our work. We must honour their efforts and thank them in the same way we recognise volunteers who are not service users. For many of them, their circumstances would require them to be associated with social services for a long time as their file needs to remain open for their children to remain on educational assistance schemes. So moving beyond social services would also mean their efforts in serving others; their giving in spite of their receiving.

Brenda was visibly weak and tired but she managed a smile when she received her welcome gift of soap and hand cream. The choice of the welcome gift was an important part of our intervention. Brenda because of her past had fiercely prevented us from contacting her family. She believed that her family despised her for the choices she had made and having a social worker visit would only reinforce her family’s perception that she was deeply troubled. However, once she did pass us the phone number of her sister but she had forgotten.

We were concerned about Brenda’s health and wanted to see if we could get her family to offer her some support. With the welcome gift we prepared a foot bath and offered to give her a hand massage. She was surprised by our offer but gamely rested her feet in the warm water and allowed our colleague to gently proceed with the massage.  The physical touch brought about an openness that our colleague had never experienced of Brenda.  Brenda shared how she was brought up by her father, her love for swimming and bicycles when she was growing up and also the difficulties her siblings and her had to overcome.  When the footbath had cooled, our colleague took out a piece of paper and together with Brenda drew her family tree or what we call a genogram.

From our conversation, we learnt that Brenda felt closest to the sister whom we were in contact with. We were glad as we had earlier arranged for this sister to visit Brenda at our premises. So when this sister stepped into our premises an hour later, Brenda took her first steps back to her family.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts. – Charles Dickens

Dear Team
Ellyn (her real name) is 15 years old and she was featured in a television programme called “Little Great Givers’ that initially ran on Channel Okto in February. Last Sunday, her episode was aired on Channel 5. The TV programme told the stories of 7 young Singaporeans aged between 10 to 18 years old who gave their time and energy to help others despite their own difficulties.  Ellyn is a young volunteer who supervises younger children with their school work. She is also a patient listener for her peers wherever they need to unload their heavy hearts.  For us, Ellyn is a partner in our work and an important resource for her community.

On TV, Ellyn related how she ran to Kids United whenever her world got her down. She especially enjoyed the football sessions as they gave her the opportunity to kick her frustrations away.  She is grateful that help was all around when she needed it and believes that it is only right for her to be helpful whenever she can.  By the way, Ellyn was named this year’s Most Outstanding Player for the National ‘C’ Girls Football Competition for schools.  She has come some way and we always share a smile with her whenever we reminisce about the ‘fierce’ advocacy we did to get her onto the boy’s football team in her primary school.

Giving is now in Ellyn’s nature. From the TV programme, the Singapore Turf Club noticed Ellyn’s efforts and asked her how they could help. Without any hesitation, she asked them to improve the Hangout where her friends frequent and to get as many of our children and youths possible into the newly opened Universal Studios. Yesterday, Ellyn also visited one of our colleagues who is on hospitalisation leave.

Ellyn’s success reminds us that youth work is about youth development. Serving youths-at-risk is not only about ‘removing’ the risks but it is about preparing them to live a purposeful life. Perhaps, there is a tendency for our sector to think that unless the risks are removed; it is not possible to move onto developmental work. Actually, this thinking limits our interventions and it is not really true because risks are always inherent in life and it is about managing them so that we can get busy living.

14 youths squeezed into a meeting room at JP Morgan together with 40 of their friends who were there to offer their support. These youths were there to pitch their ideas for community service to a team from the bank who will then decide if they could offer their support in terms of adult mentors, funds and other resources.  Although visibly uncomfortable in a Board room setting, these young people explained why they were passionate about their proposal. Only a few were eloquent but all were earnest.

Watching from the side, I felt nothing but pride for their efforts. These young people did not have to do this but they welcomed the responsibility and ran the risk of looking foolish simply because they found the idea of doing something that benefits others rather attractive.  Their projects included organising a football tournament, publicity materials and events for our teen pregnancy helpline, dance classes for their neighbours, cooking for the elderly and so forth.  With time, probably not every project will be realised but these youths would have picked up useful skills for purposeful living along the way. As a parting shot, the staff from JP Morgan put it to the youths most encouragingly, “you may not succeed but life is really about trying to.”

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Dear Team
3 young men who had just been released form reformative training spent a day with their families at our premises. In all we hosted 22 persons comprising grandmothers, uncles, aunts, parents, siblings and 1 girlfriend. The purpose of the event was for each family to celebrate a homecoming and for us to assure all of them of our continued support. As it turned out is was also a good way for each family to become more aware of how the return of their young men will impact their lives.

Johnny was shouting out instructions to his family in a commanding manner during a problem solving exercise which required them to balance a ball as a group over a distance. After several years in an institution, Johnny had no trouble looking the part of an officer in command. To his peers looking on, they would have concluded that he was trying to impress his girlfriend who was also participating but perhaps Johnny was also trying to show his family that he has matured. “Hey mom, leave sis alone and let her do it her own way’ he commanded as his mother held his sister’s arm when she expressed anxiety that she would not be able to keep the ball up. “Was that also a veiled message to his mother that Johnny needs his independence?”  We thought to ourselves.

Johnny’s family members who participated in the exercise were his mother, an uncle, a younger sister and his girlfriend. His grandmother chose to stay out of it but she was involved alright. When the exercise began, she mumbled to anyone who cared to hear that it would only be sooner if not later that the family will start fighting. True enough, as the ball fell and the other families started making headway, Johnny lost his composure. He kept repeating the same instructions even though it was obvious that his mother’s problem-solving ideas were more plausible. Suddenly, Johnny and mother found themselves in a familiar territory where the fight was more important than the reason why they were fighting or rather the reason why they were fighting was only known to both of them. It was definitely not about the ball that fell but perhaps how they have fallen out with each other over the years.

Grandmother started feeling a little embarrassed and loudly commented “This group is the worst! Others have already finished and we can’t even talk to each other.” This led the uncle to put his foot down and he told Johnny firmly to back off and listen to him. To everyone’s surprise, Johnny did as he was told and within minutes the family finished the exercise successfully in full view of the rest who gave them a round of applause. During the debrief,  Johnny could not give a clear answer why he decided to cooperate with his uncle but during the day we had observed uncle putting in much effort to engage Johnny. These things may have looked insignificant - taking a few shots together at the pool table, praising Johnny for his skills at the barbeque pit, asking if he had enough to eat during lunch, making small talk with his girlfriend and leaving the premises together after lunch for a smoke break. However, these things were significant efforts at relationship building and Johnny felt them even though he could not verbalise how he felt about his uncle.

To the family’s credit, Johnny’s grandmother and mother laughed about their family’s mistakes during the exercise and grandmother told us she enjoyed it tremendously even though she was just watching. Mother also commented that Johnny and she had much catching up to do. As for Johnny, we saw a young man trying his best to prove himself to his family but needs support to find ways of doing so. We must be mindful that it is indeed one of life’s most cruel ironies that we discount or even criticise the efforts our children make to please us.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul. – Thomas Moore

Dear Team
A grandmother sought medical treatment for her 8 year old grandchild for bruises on her arms. Grandma explained that the bruises were caused by the child’s mother who pinched the girl. When grandma added that mother had a mental health condition, she was immediately advised to help the child file a Personal Protection Order (PPO) against her mother.

Grandma was still furious with the child’s mother for her harsh discipline methods and was inclined to do so but she had a nagging feeling that it was not quite the right thing to do. Grandma then asked us to explain to the child’s father and herself how a PPO works. We explained that mom would most probably be mandated for anger management counselling and if she breaches the order by ‘hurting’ her child again, the police could intervene. Grandma and father reflected on what we said and realised that mom had never intended to hurt her child. She probably could not cope with the stress of managing her 3 children on that particular day as no other adult family member happened to be home with her. They also reckoned that such an order will drive a wedge between grandma and mom as well as mom and her 8 year old child. “Why do we have to stab ourselves?’ they asked rhetorically. “Of course not but you have to find a way to support mom and to protect her children” we responded.

They listened as we described the support in the community they could tap on and after some discussion among themselves; they decided that mom should go back to work immediately. They had observed that her mental health condition was less of a problem when she had a job. As for the care of the children, they asked for our assistance to place them in appropriate day care programmes and father will pick them up in the evening for dinner with mom and grandma.

Grandma then informed the medical centre of her family’s care and supervision efforts and they let the matter rest as there was enough community support around the 8 year old and her family. A personal protection order is for life unless withdrawn and while it is a protective factor for the child, it may have destroyed the child’s family which is also a protective factor as wisely perceived by grandma and father.  In working with families, we need to be constantly aware that what we do will always have an impact on a child’s future.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

You ask me what it the most important thing in the world and I will answer you. It is people! It is people! It is people!  –
 A Maori oral narrative

Dear Team
The mother of a 13 year old who was punched in the face was on her way to the police station when a colleague incidentally met her. After listening to her story, our colleague persuaded her to return home. He promised her that he will immediately visit the homes of the 2 boys who had punched her son and arrange for all 3 families to discuss the matter at our office. Our colleague felt that a peacemaking circle would be beneficial for all.

About 2 hours later, the victim was here with his mother and an aunt while one boy came with his grandmother and the other with his mother and sister. The “perpetrators” were surprised by the presence of each other’s family members and when the meeting started, they did not deny their involvement. They explained that they had wanted the victim to join them in a game of catching (tag) but when he refused they punched him.

Although the victim corroborated with their account, his mother questioned the boys for their ‘real’ intentions. She could not believe that anyone would punch her son simply because he did not want to play a game. Then one of the boys said that he was displeased with her son because “he played very rough” during a soccer game the day before.  He had a few bruises and thought that it was a good chance to get back.  The other boy explained that he was angry with the victim because he had told his mother that he was glue sniffing.

This led to a discussion between he boys and the family members whether the glue sniffing actually happened. The family members present discussed the issue animatedly and when it was established that it was hearsay, they asked all the boys to exchange apologies for hurting each other.  The victim’s mother then explained that her son had an asthmatic condition that seems to be triggered every time he experiences undue stress. Hence, she initially ran to the police because she was very angry and not because she had wanted to get the other 2 boys into trouble as she did not even know who it was that punched her son.

The family members then advised the boys on how they should be solving problems. They told the boys that if problems got too much for them, they should approach their family and not try to take things in their own hands. The meeting ended with family members exchanging phone numbers and pledging to look out for each other’s children.  As for the boys, they are still playing soccer together and one of them noted that he was grateful that their little problem did not make their families enemies of other.

We would say it helped their families become friends of each other and these boys now have more adults looking out for them.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

‘Justice’ is a funny word. When you live in a place where that word is used all the time, it can mean many things.  Mostly I think it means “us versus them” someone wins and someone loses; justice as domination.  We think of justice as “just us.”
– Vichey, a Peacemaking Circle Keeper with Urban Youth

Dear Team
Teck Ghee (AWB 0936) has been coping very well in school for the past 6 months. Unfortunately, in a moment of anger, he was deemed defiant and is now suspended. During, a computer lesson, he vented his frustration with the lesson by typing offensive comments about the teacher in the PowerPoint presentation he was tasked to do. It was just meant for his eyes but he did not realise that his teacher was looking over his shoulder as he was doing so.  This led to an exchange of angry words between them and Teck Ghee was suspended for being disrespectful to the teacher.

While we were informed of Teck Ghee’s suspension by the school, it was an agency in his neighbourhood that provided Teck Ghee with the necessary support. Teck Ghee was feeling really disappointed with himself and was extremely anxious how his grandmother would take the news. It is still the Chinese New Year period and his grandmother would be cross with him as she would view the suspension as most inauspicious. So the staff of a Seniors Activity Centre run by the Asian Women’s Welfare Association (AWWA) arranged for his grandmother to meet Teck Ghee at their office, broke the news of the suspension in front of them and facilitated a healing conversation between them.

We are really appreciative of AWWA’s efforts and gratified that Teck Ghee is finding and giving support within his own neighbourhood. Early this year, we tried to interest Teck Ghee’s grandmother to spend her free time at the AWWA Seniors Activity Centre but she preferred to remain at home. Instead, it was Teck Ghee who decided to check out the Activity Centre. Within a few days, Teck Ghee found himself a hit with the elderly and the staff at the Centre.   The staff appreciated the extra pair of hands and the elderly found him most friendly and amusing. His loud voice and manner of speech that often got him into trouble in school became an asset when the elderly voted for him to be the Bingo Master.

Teck Ghee’s contribution at the Activity Centre earned him a warm welcome there and when the people at the Centre learnt of his current brush with his school, they immediately wanted to help.  Teck Ghee is now being supported by the people in his neighbourhood, a neighbourhood where he has found a sense of purpose caring for the elderly; a neighbourhood he calls home.  

In sum, our work is not only about the eradication of problems because humility and reason tell us that we have no control over the many variables that cause problems.  Problems are inevitable but people continue to thrive when they have a sense of purpose and supportive people around them.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

“An absence of problems is not sufficient for a purposeful fulfilled life.” – William Damon

Dear Team
Our children were thrilled when we opened a parcel from the Office of the President of Singapore in front of them.  In it were photographs they had taken with the President during a visit to the Istana last December. The Istana or ‘palace’ in Malay is the official residence of the President of Singapore, Mr S R Nathan.  Our children had the privilege of visiting the Istana as part of the President’s Challenge, an annual series of community-based activities aimed at encouraging the community to help the less fortunate and to raise funds for the social service sector.  Each photograph had a handwritten greeting from the President and our children wanted the group photograph to be hung on the wall immediately. One 12 year old whom we shall call Bobby received a personal photograph of himself presenting a souvenir to the President. We are absolutely sure he will value it considering what Bobby ‘learnt’ from the experience. 

That December afternoon as everyone was preparing to leave for the Istana, Bobby sniggered to himself and wondered what the fuss was all about. When we asked him if he had brought a pair of shoes, he shot back with a defiant ‘No and so what?” adding sarcastically that the President and him were not acquainted.  We intentionally ignored Bobby’s remark as making it an issue would have spoiled the occasion for the other children.  At the Istana, the volunteers who were getting the event going noticed that Bobby was wearing a pair of slippers and felt that it was obviously inappropriate for the occasion.  Thankfully, before chiding him, one of them raised the issue with our colleague who spontaneously defended Bobby as she did not want him being excluded from the event. Tactfully, she apologised for not getting Booby better dressed and alluded that perhaps Bobby only had one pair of shoes but it could have been wet as it had been raining heavily the past days.

This volunteer nodded and walked away. A few minutes later, he asked us if he could get Bobby to participate in a ‘million dollar smile’ audition they were holding to choose the child that was to present the President with a souvenir. “Bobby smiling? Never quite seen that!” we thought to ourselves but we agreed as we were just grateful that Bobby was not getting into more trouble.  As for Bobby, he just shrugged his shoulders and went along with the volunteers. Not sure how these volunteers treated Bobby but obviously in a manner that brought out Bobby’s million dollar smile.

The President had nothing but kind words for Bobby who was still in his slippers. Bobby left the event in a much better mood than when he got there but the significance of the day only hit him the following day when his father showed up at our Centre. In front of his friends, his father told us that he was filled with pride when he saw Bobby with the President on the evening news. His friends and relatives who watched the news started reaching him on the phone to ask what Bobby had done to deserve such an honour. Bobby's father had dropped by to thank us for guiding his son all this while and giving him the honour of meeting the President.

Like Bobby, we had no idea that the event meant so much to his family but by seeing how proud his father was, Bobby 'learnt' that he really mattered to his family. He 'learnt' that his father was always waiting for a moment or a reason to be proud of him. On reflection, he admitted to us that those moments and reasons were far in between and perhaps he had a duty to make them happen more often.

These couple of months we have had the pleasure of having a more cheerful and cooperative Bobby in our Centre. Perhaps, when all of us do our best to walk with the "Bobbies with Slippers" among us, somewhere down the road, these "Bobbies" will realise that putting on a pair of shoes will enable them to walk further.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Every man must wear out at least one pair of fools’ shoes. - Earl Derr Biggers

Dear Team
Hurt relationships are difficult to heal.  A common advice we tend to render is to "talk it out, get it out of our system and move on."  While communication is obviously the key, this piece of advice is easier said than done as 'talking' in a way that heals is not an ability inherent in everyone.  This will always be a reality despite the numerous communication workshops available J

Why then do we place such a premium on 'talking' as a medium of communication?  Our professional training has made us aware that we are constantly communicating regardless of whether we open our mouths to speak or not. This is reality. The moment we meet someone, we form an impression. Of course we can't fully understand someone simply from his or her appearance just like we can't judge a book by its cover. But, when we look at the cover of a book, it is already speaking to us. 

A mother was deeply hurt by the vulgar language her 15 year old son let fly when she confronted him about his late nights away from home. She could not fathom how the respectful and dutiful boy she loved could show such disrespect. She wanted to talk it out with him and invited us to join her for a family campout last weekend.

The boy smelled a rat immediately and warned us that he would run off the moment he had to talk or participate in some programme. Reluctantly, he came along when mom told him that he could go fishing. “Maybe I can learn to fish too” mom added.  The family comprising mom, an elder sister and the boy was a gracious host. They worked together to make sure we had enough to eat but otherwise each member did their own thing.  It was also obvious that the boy kept a distance from his mother.

Mom kept herself busy in the kitchen and we joked that her children's stomachs' are filled with the love she puts into meal preparation. She smiled but was anxious that her son would not talk to her. We reminded her that action speaks louder than words and encouraged her to join her son for fishing as she had planned. She eventually did but the only thing they caught was 4 hours of private family time. We learnt from mom that she did not talk about her son’s vulgar language but spent most of the time learning about hooks, weights and baits.

2 days after the campout, mom called us at the office. "You know, we did not catch any fish during the camp so I allowed my son to go fishing yesterday evening. He came back with 2 large squids and 2 big fishes for me. I am so happy as it is the first time he has done this." 

Mom told us that her 15 year old loves squid and wanted her to cook them but he did not quite fancy fish. Hmmm… so what could he have wanted to communicate with the fish?  I don’t know about him but fish served whole is a Chinese symbol of prosperity because the Chinese word for fish, yu, sounds like the word for riches or abundance, and it is believed that eating fish will help your wishes come true.

So, as we welcome the Tiger this weekend, I wish you ‘Nian Nian You Yu”. May your year be filled with abundant blessings.
Gerard

If you break a rule that values are best communicated through actions; not through words, employees will punish you. –
 T.J Larkin & Sandra Larkin in the Harvard Business Review on Effective Communication

Dear Team
Our youths had a very pleasant surprise this afternoon when 4 members of Cuesports Singapore visited. The National Youth Coach, a Manager and 2 national youth players dropped in for a game of pool.  It was not just a social visit as our visitors came by to share a message. They told our chaps that if they could stay focused on making something out of their lives and keep out of trouble, they could go far in the sport and perhaps even get onto the National Team. It was a generous gesture from our national billiards association who believed that it was the least they could do to encourage young people who are often discouraged by their social challenges.  

The young people we serve often believe that they are not welcomed by formal groups in our community. Hence, they form their own informal groups or gain membership into a gang which makes them feel a part of something, provides a structure and opportunities to prove themselves. However, youths found to be in teen gangs will be sent for a rehabilitative programme and are expected to stay away from ‘gang associates’ who may be the only people who have offered them friendship.  The helping system has framed the problem of gang membership as the youth’s immaturity and indiscretion; and the solution lies with him or her because an ‘offender’ needs to change, an immature person needs to grow up.

Actually, putting the onus of responsibility solely on the individual is not fair. These individuals were looking for a community and providing them with one must be the responsibility of our community.   We need to really ask ourselves if we, the formal and informal groups of people who make up the community have done enough to help such young people believe that they have family and friends?   People who always accept them simply for who they are   Do we value the formal and informal groups in our community enough to encourage their existence? Do these formal groups see that they are not just a part of the community but the community that many young people need? We can’t simply tell them not to join a gang when we have nothing better to offer.

I am optimistic that our community cares. Cuesports Singapore coming by today is one example but an important part of our job is to continually find ways to build a community around those we serve. We should not just see community organisations simply for who they say they are which could be limiting their potential and the possibility for collaboration.  For instance I am inspired by the Girl Scouts of America who run a programme called Beyond Bars.  Here, the Girl Scouts regularly escort children to visit their mothers who are behind bars. During the visits, they facilitate the bonding between mother and child through various scouting games. Now, that’s quite a valuable community service carried out by teenagers. Our work in the prison could do with similar supportJ

Anyway, just something to think about as you enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community. – Albert Einstein

Dear Team
I had the privilege of attending a baby shower. Family and friends came together to celebrate the baby’s first month and to show their support for the mother.  As more than 80 guests were expected, the shower was held at a community facility.  Guests tucked into a sumptuous buffet spread that included the traditional red hard boiled eggs as well as ang ku kueh, a red sticky pastry with a sweet bean filling. These delicacies are customary food used to mark an auspicious birth.

The baby’s mother was all smiles as family and friends came by to adore the baby she was holding in her arms.  Love was all around as baby and mom were continually heaped with compliments and well wishes.  After a while, mother’s mother offered to hold the baby so that mother could have something to eat.  I later learnt that grandmother played a significant role in caring for the baby especially during the school week where mother’s priority is to finish her secondary school education. The family had worked out a duty roster that enabled mother to have adequate study and rest time during the school week but on weekends, she had to take up the lion’s share of caring for her baby.

The mother’s father explained to me that as grand-parents they were always willing to help out but ultimately baby and mother must bond. He had discussed this in much depth with his wife and they concluded that for their grandchild to grow into a well adjusted person, the mother-child relationship must take precedence over other relationships.  When I mentioned that a teenager will find parenting quite overwhelming, he reassured me that family support was strong and after all, he will always have his daughter’s best interest at heart.  He assured me that he was mindful of his daughter’s needs as a teenager and a student but he did not feel that it would be in her best interest if he simply allowed her to abdicate her responsibilities as a mother.

I told this father that I was immensely impressed by the way his family has responded to an unexpected addition to the family which they had only become aware of 8 weeks ago.  I then thanked him for inviting me and some other colleagues who had attended to them.  Being at the baby shower reinforced our belief that the people we serve are indeed experts of their own lifeworld.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard
There is no better investment for any community than putting milk into babies. – Winston Churchill

Dear Team
Farizah was potting balls at the pool table when we walked in. She looked up and with a big smile greeted us by our names.  Farizah made our day as she would usually just look up, nod and if we were lucky, she would grunt a little too.  Soon after we learnt that she was in a very good mood because she was part of our girls’ soccer team that was declared Champions at a soccer tournament organised by the Central Narcotics Bureau over the weekend. Was is just that winning feeling that got Farizah behaving like a champ?  Perhaps - but that winning feeling did not just come from winning the tournament. It was the cheering support from family and friends, the admiration of peers and the recognition from authorities. It was being recognised but not for all the wrong reasons that would have ended up in her experiencing some pain.  It was being ‘someone’ in the community.

Sometimes, as helping professionals we focus too much on the treatment of the individual that we no longer see that the normalcy we aspire for our clients is in their family and their community. Their families and their communities are the nurturing factors that protect and develop them positively. Today, I was at a networking meeting for youth serving agencies organised by the National Council of Social Services and I was tasked with suggesting ways to empower youths-at-risk. As the cases were presented, it hit me that if the youths concerned were listening to the way we were describing them; they will punch us in our face. Our descriptions of their situations, their character and their families were just downright humiliating.

I think the problem we end up doing this is because we regard ourselves as experts who need to help these people set their lives straight. We may be experts in our own disciplines but we can never be experts of other people’s lives simply because there is more to people’s lives than the perspectives offered in the disciplines we have been trained in. It is not that our perspectives are irrelevant but our perspective is still just one perspective among many others and we have no right to impose it.

If one looks at the helping sector, one will find helping professionals with different life experiences and at different life stages. Often, I hear beginning professionals voicing a discomfort engaging parents and parents openly doubting the credibility of a young professional that is before them. Well, I would say that we can get around this if we can see ourselves as servants that support these people who are experts of their own lives. Servants who genuinely aim to serve are usually quite helpful.  We are in the service of others and these people have given us a sense of purpose, a sense of competency and a living. Let’s always remember this the next time we are talking about them.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard
In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind there are few. – Shunryu Suzuki

Dear Team
30 fellow professionals from 7 schools, 6 voluntary welfare organisations and the National Council of Social Service joined 31 of us for our first Good Company networking meeting on Wednesday. There was a presentation on Inhalant Abuse, Addiction and Co-dependency by Margery Nixon and Prem Kumar Shanmugam of WE Care Community Services and in the audience, there were also 2 parents and an uncle who wanted to better equip themselves to help the young person under their care.

It was really very encouraging to see so many colleagues from the sector coming together in the spirit of sharing and learning. Although one swallow does not make a summer, it was a good start for Good Company, a loose affiliation of voluntary welfare organisations that pools resources to better serve troubled students and their families. For me, it was also wonderful to see 3 family members feeling empowered enough to sit in a room of helping professionals figuring out how they can help themselves instead of simply leaving it to the professionals. Thus, I was really glad that the speakers stressed that while their programmes could abate the disruptions associated with addiction, it was the family and the other significant people who are concerned with the well being of the young person that mattered for the longer run.

The other reassuring thing from the speakers was that it is really not appropriate to consider young people who have been ‘caught’ for substance abuse as addicts. People seek pacifiers when they want to avoid pain or when they lack the skills to deal with the pain they are experiencing.  Many young people lack the maturity and the life skills to deal with the range of challenges that confront them and they need supportive and caring adults around them. As Marge put it, we are one of these caring adults.

A parent whom we spoke to this week related how counsellors for her child usually kept her informed of the type of coping skills they imparted to help him cope with his anger. However, when the child was at home he would still throw an anger fit and she wished that the counsellors would have also taught her what to do when that happens.

To manage problems, sometimes we break them into smaller parts that are relevant to our expertise but we cannot turn a blind eye to the other parts. Hence, Good Company, an alliance of social service providers, pools resources and works together because it recognises that problems are complex and no one agency can adequately respond in a manner that resolves these situations with a satisfactory outcome.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard
Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds. I may be given credit for having blazed the trail, but when I look at the subsequent developments I feel the credit is due to others rather than myself.’ — Alexandar Graham Bell

Dear Team
The supervisor of a student care centre was furious with a child that we had placed there. In no uncertain terms, she requested a meeting with us and it sounded like she was going to hand the child back to us.  We anticipated a shelling from her, so we were thinking hard how to rescue the situation as we made our way down to her office. As we were getting an earful of how disruptive our child had been, we also got a sense that perhaps the supervisor was not furious because she had no patience for such children but because she was feeling helpless. Perceiving that people actually care but perhaps lack the resources or support to do so, was an important first step towards problem solving.

We apologised for not anticipating that this child would have trouble fitting into the routine of the centre and asked for an elaboration of his disruptive behaviours. As the discussion continued, we put ourselves in the child’s shoes and we gathered that he was feeling isolated and disconnected from the Centre. We realised that this child had no friends within the centre and many of his antics were clumsy attempts at befriending.

We then shared a little about restorative practices and the supervisor requested that we work with her teachers to run a series of exercises aimed at helping the children in her Centre develop relationships and build friendships. So next week we will be working at this student care centre, and perhaps the lesson learnt is that with some patience and empathy, confrontations can turn out to be collaborations.

Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard

Dear Team
Today, Alan Boy will be one 7 year old who is fervently wishing that this is going to be a Happy New Year.  2 days ago, together with a colleague he cleaned up his little flat to welcome his father home. Yesterday morning, together with his younger sister and a grassroots leader who has been caring for him, he stood at the gates of Changi Prison waiting for his father to step out. The grassroots leader then brought the entire family for a roti prata lunch which is the favourite food of the father.
Over the last 4 months, we facilitated Alan Boy’s monthly visits to his father. We recall that during the first visit, Alan Boy was very quiet and hardly spoke a word.  Only on the journey home did he confide in us that he was extremely angry with his father for getting himself incarcerated.  Nonetheless, we continued with the visits and had conversations with him about his father whenever appropriate. The grassroots leader who was caring for him also constantly reminded him that despite his flaws, his father genuinely loved him.
This week, Alan Boy has been telling us that he is really looking forward to being with his father once again.  Despite the disappointments he has experienced in the father-son relationship, there is no doubt that Alan Boy values and honours his father. This loyalty to his father is a strength and quality within Alan Boy which we must be very careful not to dampen in our attempts to attend to his well being.
Perhaps for Alan Boy, "happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember."  As long as he remembers things, events and people that have brought him happiness, he's happy. On this note, I wish you a Happy New Year. May you always have a happy thought each and every day of the year!
Enjoy your weekend.
Gerard
"Happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember." - Oscar Levant