Another Week Beyond – 1911

Dear Friends

Perhaps it was the name of the event as 15 boys showed up when we would have been happy with 8 to 10. “Bros and Burgers,” was a boys’ night we held this week for an honest and open conversation about relationships, sex, pornography, gender roles, peer pressure and teenage pregnancy. Two weeks ago, there was a girls’ night in similar vein and such work is not just about healthy youth development but is part of a holistic attempt at supporting communities to reflect on family planning and the role of the family in guiding its young and caring for all its members.

The game “Blow Wind Blow!” was introduced to surface beliefs and values among the group. Seated in a circle, participants had to stand up and change seats if they agreed with the game master’s instructions. “Blow wind blow. Blow all who believe that boys and girls are equal,” only had half the group moving.  When “Blow all who agree that when dating, a man must always pay,” almost everyone moved.  “So, these boys have been socialised to behave chivalrously toward women?” we thought but when half did not believe that they needed to ask their partner permission for sex, we realised that chivalry did not die, it just wasn’t in the room.

Credit to the boys though for their blatant honesty. We learnt that only two among them would use a condom, and this led another seeking advice for a friend who had gotten his girlfriend pregnant.  The boys did not shy away from the agenda and were earnest in engaging with it. They were thoughtful when we asked them, “What makes a man?” On the whiteboard, they made a list of qualities; each of which, a useful talking point to take the conversation forward meaningfully.

Much ground was covered and while we would have preferred more in-depth discussions, it was also important to get a feel of the different issues that were on their minds.  Lust, pornography, the pressure to act like a man and the role of the woman in the household were issues on their mind.  They wondered what being married would be like.  Would they want their wives to work or should they even allow her to do so?  If girls and boys are not equal, how are decisions in a family going to be made?

Our role was to help questions surface and ensuring that when answers cannot be questioned, we must know why. Many   beliefs, attitudes and values that can potentially harm others are never questioned, and we often justify this by claiming that it is not culturally appropriate or offensive to do so.  I suspect we do not question because we don’t know how or are uncomfortable doing so.   People usually find it helpful and comforting being able to discuss issues that affect their well-being and the boys present knew exactly how such conversations should be conducted.

Before the session ended, they reflected that it was a meaningful discussion because everyone’s point of view was listened to and no one felt that they would be criticised after doing so.  They reckoned that it happened because of the mutual respect and humility everyone brought to the room.  They   saw value in such a conversation and were also optimistic that   it could continue in their neighbourhoods. One declared, “If we can do this at the Beyond office, we should be able to keep talking in the community too.”   Well, we certainly hope he is right.

Enjoy your week.

Gerard

If we are going to talk, then let’s talk. Forget about what is polite or proper and delve right into what is sincere and honest. – Beau Taplin

PAST AWB POSTS

2443 – Why Do You Work?

I was visiting Meelah, a resident who has led food drives and many social activities to enhance the wellbeing of her neighbours.   I listened intently, as she expressed her concern for families that would require assistance. I was   touched that she continued to keep track of so many lives in spite of her own declining health. She donned on the new spectacles she had recently afforded and checked her reflection using her phone before looking at me expectantly for a response. “How? I look like a teacher or not?” She exclaimed while tucking some strands of hair behind her ears.

Read More »

2442 – It Starts with “Hello”

Every morning, like clockwork, four-year-old Lisa (not her real name) stops by her neighbour’s flat on her way to preschool. She stands at the gate, waiting patiently to say “Hello” to the elderly man who lived there. Known for his stern demeanour and habit of scolding noisy children, this Uncle wasn’t someone most would approach. At first, he ignored her. Undeterred, she stands there, day after day, offering her simple greeting. Then one day, something changed. The Uncle returned her greeting. Soon after, they began sharing quiet moments – sitting together, eating biscuits, and watching TV —always under the watchful

Read More »

2441 – Looking for Treasure not Dirt

As a community worker, I knock on doors to introduce myself and to explore how residents may contribute toward the wellbeing of their neighbourhood.  By chatting with them, I discover their talents, aspirations and values. Of course, not everyone talks to me when I knock but it is always so rewarding when they do. Last week, I met 98-year-old Madam Wong and her son who is in his 70s. I learnt that Madam Wong shares her art and craft skills with the older residents in her community.  What she enjoys doing most and is really good at is “weaving” together

Read More »

2440 – Leading the Charge for Change

For years, the residents of a public rental block in Yishun struggled with unsanitary rubbish disposal, bird-feeding, and littering from open windows. As tensions mounted, frustration could have easily divided the community. But instead, a group of proactive volunteers decided to address the issue themselves, determined to improve their living environment—not just for themselves, but for everyone in the neighbourhood. These volunteers initiated a series of conversations with their neighbours where residents openly expressed their frustrations and shared personal stories. “It doesn’t feel good to come home from work after a long day to a living environment that is unhygienic,”

Read More »

2439 – The Strength of Community

“One of the marvelous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn’t as individuals.” – Jean Vanier Our work is grounded in an approach known as Asset-Based Community Development (ABCD). ABCD is a relationship-driven, strengths-based approach that focuses on identifying and mobilizing often overlooked community assets for sustainable development. During this year’s Youth Appreciation Day, we experienced firsthand the power of Gifts, Relationships, and Care (GRC), core principles of ABCD. GRC reminds us that everyone holds unique gifts — skills, strengths, and lived experiences. When shared within the framework of

Read More »

2438 – A Game Changer

A Game Changer Submitted by: Adrian, Community Worker During a community gathering in April, along with the spread of food on the table, a robust serving of soccer talk was served up. This is a topic that energized the youth who were present. Their excitement wasn’t just about the game; they were eager to form a proper soccer team. So enthusiastic were they, that that very evening, the Bukit Ho Swee Soccer programme was born. Our first training session took place at an outdoor court that was well-maintained and ideal for practice, but it was too far away. The commute

Read More »

2437 – A House is not a Home

By Pei Ling, Community Worker What is a home to you? Is it just a place filled with your stuff? Where you store your sofa, TV, bed, clothes?   These are questions we ask ourselves as we walk along the corridors of the small flats in the neighbourhoods we serve. We catch glimpses of everyday life along these corridors – mismatched footwear, potted plants, toys scattered about, and front doors of various colours – some freshly painted, some faded. Inside, some of these flats have varying degrees of stuff, but they most certainly hold more than that. For each is Home

Read More »

2436 – Small Fortune, Big Friends

By Jie Min & Marlina, Community Workers We were in conversation with 9 mothers who dreamed of having their own home-based business to alleviate their financial challenges. 3 of them had already started baking, cooking and catering from home for small events while the rest were just very interested in exploring how they could get started. Hence, we thought that inviting them to manage a booth at Parking Day, an upcoming community event on Saturday, 14 September 2024, would be a good hands-on learning experience especially for those who have never hawked their wares.  There was much excitement and enthusiasm

Read More »

PAST AWB POSTS

2443 – Why Do You Work?

I was visiting Meelah, a resident who has led food drives and many social activities to enhance the wellbeing of her neighbours.   I listened intently, as she expressed her concern for families that would require assistance. I was   touched that she continued to keep track of so many lives in spite of her own declining health. She donned on the new spectacles she had recently afforded and checked her reflection using her phone before looking at me expectantly for a response. “How? I look like a teacher or not?” She exclaimed while tucking some strands of hair behind her ears.

Read more >

2442 – It Starts with “Hello”

Every morning, like clockwork, four-year-old Lisa (not her real name) stops by her neighbour’s flat on her way to preschool. She stands at the gate, waiting patiently to say “Hello” to the elderly man who lived there. Known for his stern demeanour and habit of scolding noisy children, this Uncle wasn’t someone most would approach. At first, he ignored her. Undeterred, she stands there, day after day, offering her simple greeting. Then one day, something changed. The Uncle returned her greeting. Soon after, they began sharing quiet moments – sitting together, eating biscuits, and watching TV —always under the watchful

Read more >

2441 – Looking for Treasure not Dirt

As a community worker, I knock on doors to introduce myself and to explore how residents may contribute toward the wellbeing of their neighbourhood.  By chatting with them, I discover their talents, aspirations and values. Of course, not everyone talks to me when I knock but it is always so rewarding when they do. Last week, I met 98-year-old Madam Wong and her son who is in his 70s. I learnt that Madam Wong shares her art and craft skills with the older residents in her community.  What she enjoys doing most and is really good at is “weaving” together

Read more >