Dear friends,
About 3 weeks ago, we received the sad news that 2 brothers who come to our programmes lost their mother suddenly.
The social worker who is supporting them arranged for the 17-year-old to live with an aunt, and for his 11-year-old brother to stay with a friend of their late mother.
But the 11-year-old’s living arrangement was soon terminated. It was brought to the social worker’s attention that there were allegations that the boy had previously been abused by a member of that household. So, he tried to persuade the aunt to also take in the younger brother, but her husband was reluctant because of the added financial strain.
As such, the social worker was preparing for the possibility of the boys returning to live in their flat. He had discussed this possibility with the tenancy office, and his supervisors, and they agreed that the 17-year-old would be able to care for his younger brother and himself, should they have to spend the night at home in the absence of an adult. Thus, the plan was for the boys to be well supported and supervised during the day and to only return home for shelter in the evening. To this end, the social worker asked how we could help with the supervision of the 11-year-old in the day.
We learnt from the social worker that all these care arrangements and planning were necessary because the boys’ father had been served a domestic exclusion order and is not allowed to return to their household to care for his children. But technically, he could still meet his children elsewhere. Since the social worker was prepared to let the father meet the boys in a such a place, we offered our Beyond premises.
But we did have some reservations. We wondered how much of a risk the father currently poses to the wellbeing of his children. We wondered about the children’s view on the matter. And, we also pondered the possibility of some sort of healing for the family, considering the needs of the brothers. From what we gather, the father is trying to overturn the exclusion order so that he can fulfil his obligations as a parent.
We believe in this restorative approach – that the people best placed to resolve a conflict, or a problem are those directly involved.
Obviously, there will be no straightforward answers to our questions, but we felt strongly that we should at least create a context where the family gets an opportunity to talk about their current situation and perhaps have a say on what is best for them. Also, regardless of what may have happened in the past, we imagine that there is a need for some grieving to take place. This means, even if it is still deemed inappropriate for the brothers to be cared for by their father, they should still be given a decent opportunity to come to terms with a death in their immediate family.
We are heartened that the social worker concurred with our views, and we have now been given an opportunity to coordinate this family meeting, an opportunity that we will undertake with utmost respect and sensitivity.
We hope the boys and their father find their way home.
Wishing you good health and peace of mind.
Sincerely,
Gerard
“In time of test, family is best.” – Burmese Proverb
