Another Week Beyond – 1835

Dear Friends

A mother told the court that she no longer wanted to file a Beyond Parental Control immediately after her daughter received a 2-year care and supervision order in an institution. At that point, she realised that utilising the court to win back her child had backfired as she would instead be losing her for 2 years. She endured a harsh reprimand for wasting State resources but although she was red-faced and shaken, she found much comfort in being able to bring her 15-year-old daughter home.

On several occasions since June, we have been impressing on this mother not to utilise the legal system for the welfare of her daughter. The law can be a blunt instrument and a Beyond Parental Control Order amounts to parents abdicating their child-rearing responsibility to the State because they admittedly can no longer guide their child. In her mind, she believed that the court will only order her daughter to listen to her and nothing more. Even though we told her that no one could guarantee that, she proceeded to file the order.

This mother had spent most of her childhood growing up in an institution as her family could not care for her. In moments of frustration she would insist that children like her daughter needed to be disciplined in an institution. She would also insist that she turned out fine and so she cannot see any cause for alarm. In more placid moments, she would tell us that being raised in an institution and a family are two very different experiences. We concur with her as we have observed that those who were raised in institutions tend to be rather harsh in their parenting approach and easily regard institutions as a viable solution for their parenting challenges.

Her daughter tells us that she ran away because mom could never listen and only did things her way. She disliked having to clean offices with mom during weekends. The pay was okay, but mom would insist that every cent is saved for a rainy day. Also, she wished that she could spend weekends hanging out with friends. Now, mom grants her a little more time with friends after school, but she is not to leave the neighbourhood. Mom believes that when she remains in the neighbourhood she is less likely to get into trouble because neighbours care about her. Mom’s biggest fear is that she gets pregnant.

Having missed school for about a month, she is now being isolated from her class and given work to catch up. “My teacher tells me that I can join my class when I have caught up with my lessons. It is not fun studying alone and I think they consider me a bad girl since I have been in remand. They think I will be bad influence for my classmates.”

There is an uneasy peace between mother and daughter now, but both realise that family problems are best resolved within the family. At this point, the one thing they both agree is that an institution is not a home and they need to find a better way to manage their disagreements.

Enjoy your weekend.

Gerard

Society needs both justice and compassion, a head and a heart, if it is to be civilised. – Julian Baggini

PAST AWB POSTS

2506 – Collective Wisdom, Community Building

Written by Wilson, Community Worker As is our practice at Beyond, we start every new year by sharing the goals we hope to achieve as a community. We gather young and old, have discussions and plot the journey ahead together. We call these sessions Community Conversations. Typically, everyone present introduces themselves and shares their experience volunteering in the community, and what “community” means to them. We then wrap up with a Beyond staff talking about the value of community development. That, however, was not how a session held in the Bukit Ho Swee neighbourhood went. The Beyond team just sat

Read More »

2505 – Saving Together, Growing Together

One of the most pervasive problems encountered by lower-income communities is building financial reserves. The daily demands for every cent, when you have little, usually takes priority. However, there is still a value of building such reserves, even if in small amounts. This is why we created the Community Tabung Programme. Loosely translated, “Tabung” means “money box” in Malay – an apt name for an initiative to help our members grow their savings in support of their children’s health and educational needs. It is a means to help our members achieve their aspirations and save for those rainy days. And

Read More »

2504 – Growth On The Sidelines

Amir* wasn’t always the calm, composed young man people look up to today. Not so long ago, he his fiery temper put him in the midst of a heated argument. So to witness him play the peacemaker recently was pleasantly astonishing. That moment could have shaped how others saw him — and how he saw himself — but instead, it became a lesson that helped him grow. Amir was playing at a futsal tournament. Two boys – Danial* and Josh* – got into an altercation. Danial accused Josh of “showboating” and not being a team player…costing them the game. Josh,

Read More »

2503 – How Roblox Helped James Minimize Screen Time

10-year-old James is like many of the children who attend our learning programmes. He has an unhealthy attachment to his phone with little interest in academics. When asked to focus on his schoolwork, he would often throw tantrums. Rather than play board games with Beyond volunteers, he’d stick to games on his phone. Still, James would voluntarily show up at our sessions, where he was always welcomed. Our approach isn’t about forcing change but about creating a space for it. We set a clear boundary — schoolwork first, then fun and games.  But getting through to James wasn’t easy. We

Read More »

2502 – Community wasn’t built in a day

Written by Shariffah, Community Worker What is community? This is a question that shapes much of what we do at Beyond. Building a thriving community isn’t just about solving problems or organizing activities — it’s about creating spaces where people can connect meaningfully, share ideas, and take ownership of their collective future. Community development often begins with small, intentional steps. Our “Community Day” is one such step. This isn’t just a celebration, but part of a process — a chance for residents to collaborate, discover their strengths, and build something meaningful together. Our last Community Day of 2024 was held

Read More »

2452 – A Fire, A Friend, A Community

When a fire broke out in a Jalan Bukit Merah flat last year, the damage wasn’t confined to just the one unit. Smoke engulfed neighbouring homes, leaving behind physical damage and disruption. One of the worst affected residents was Madam Tan*, an elderly woman whose flat directly above the burning apartment. While her story didn’t make the headlines, her struggles were very real. She clearly needed help. This is where H comes in. The 28-year-old coach and former educator was no stranger to helping others, but this experience would touch him on a personal level. “I didn’t initially think about

Read More »

2451 – The Grace to Give

I joined Beyond in 2005 as a community worker reaching out to children under 6 years old to get them registered for early childhood education and after a couple of years, I was seconded to support our main grant maker. After which, I left social services but rejoined Beyond in 2016.  I came back and rejoined the sector to meet my needs for meaning, connection and well-being. Last Friday, I was supporting a corporate volunteer group to distribute care packs comprising necessities for the new school year to children in a neighbourhood where we work. This group engaged youth from

Read More »

AWB 2449 – When LIFE Happens

Nelson Mandela famously said, “Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world.” We at Beyond, wholeheartedly believe this. So we’ve made it one of our missions to bring education to life for the kids in the neighbourhoods we serve. So, it is no coincidence that we call one of our education programme, LIFE! or Learning is Fun and Exciting! LIFE is a child-centric initiative that’s designed to make learning enjoyable and meaningful. Activities are tailored to children’s individual strengths, interests, and learning styles. At every turn, we nurture them to become independent, self-motivated learners. We

Read More »

PAST AWB POSTS

2506 – Collective Wisdom, Community Building

Written by Wilson, Community Worker As is our practice at Beyond, we start every new year by sharing the goals we hope to achieve as a community. We gather young and old, have discussions and plot the journey ahead together. We call these sessions Community Conversations. Typically, everyone present introduces themselves and shares their experience volunteering in the community, and what “community” means to them. We then wrap up with a Beyond staff talking about the value of community development. That, however, was not how a session held in the Bukit Ho Swee neighbourhood went. The Beyond team just sat

Read more >

2505 – Saving Together, Growing Together

One of the most pervasive problems encountered by lower-income communities is building financial reserves. The daily demands for every cent, when you have little, usually takes priority. However, there is still a value of building such reserves, even if in small amounts. This is why we created the Community Tabung Programme. Loosely translated, “Tabung” means “money box” in Malay – an apt name for an initiative to help our members grow their savings in support of their children’s health and educational needs. It is a means to help our members achieve their aspirations and save for those rainy days. And

Read more >

2504 – Growth On The Sidelines

Amir* wasn’t always the calm, composed young man people look up to today. Not so long ago, he his fiery temper put him in the midst of a heated argument. So to witness him play the peacemaker recently was pleasantly astonishing. That moment could have shaped how others saw him — and how he saw himself — but instead, it became a lesson that helped him grow. Amir was playing at a futsal tournament. Two boys – Danial* and Josh* – got into an altercation. Danial accused Josh of “showboating” and not being a team player…costing them the game. Josh,

Read more >