Dear friends,
On Sunday evening at 8 pm, a colleague received a text from a mother of 3, I will refer to as Donna. Donna wrote that she was in pain, feeling extremely anxious and frightened. She was texting from the hospital and requested for my colleague to meet her there. A few minutes later, a nurse from the hospital called my colleague to inform that Donna was at the A & E department and had identified her as the person to call in the event of an emergency.
When my colleague arrived at the hospital slightly after 9 pm, she saw Donna crying and expressing that she had much difficulty breathing. She complained of intense pain on her left shoulder and abdominal area and lamented that she did not want to live with pain anymore. The statement alarmed my colleague as it sounded like Donna had lost her will to live. She sat with Donna as she waited for the doctor and when he was in attendance, my colleague discreetly informed him that Donna may be at risk of self-harm.
At 10.30 pm, Donna’s 13-year-old son called to say that he was at home with his younger siblings and their father. At my colleague’s request, the boy handed the phone to his ex-stepfather and arrangements were made for the younger children to be cared for by their maternal grandmother the following day. To enable the 13-year-old to attend school without being inconvenienced, he will stay over with the 13-year-old until Donna returned home. With the care of the children attended to, Donna seemed reassured, and my colleague left the hospital at 11.30 pm.
On Monday, my colleague was a little apprehensive as she updated her supervisor. She imagined that by attending to Donna outside working hours, she had “crossed professional boundaries” and was relieved when she was commended for her compassion and willingness to go beyond the call of duty. This colleague is training to be accredited as a social worker and so we asked her to elaborate on what she understood of professional boundaries. She said that they were meant to protect the professional caregiver and perhaps nudge people like Donna to become more self-reliant on their own support network. Boundaries prevent people from becoming over dependent on the social service system.
We pointed out that importantly, boundaries are also there to protect those seeking help as they are usually vulnerable and marginalised. Legal, ethical, and organisational frameworks define the lines, but they are not meant to suppress compassion, care, or commitment. She attended to Donna because she knew that her support network was weak and while strengthening this network would be an objective, not showing up that night would have done nothing in that light.
For now, the social service system plays an important role in the stability of Donna’s family and my colleague has alerted the social work agencies caring for them and offered to assist if needed. She has also arranged for neighbours to provide meals for the 13-year-old and his ex-stepfather this past week.
Sharifah is this young colleague of ours and we are really proud of her.
For peace, community, and compassion,
Sincerely,
Gerard
Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment. – Brené Brown
