Dear friend, 20 months ago, a colleague was knocking on doors to meet students taking their “N” Level examinations and to wish them well. It was her way of establishing a relationship with young people in the neighbourhood that she had not met and reconnecting with those already on our database.
Amy, 16 years old, was not at home but she was already in our database and a day later, my colleague sent her a short message asking if she was well. “I am coping but it is not a good day!” was her short reply and the conversation ended after a brief exchange of pleasantries as both were strangers to each other.
My colleague found Amy’s answer concerning and she made a note to text Amy at least once a month. Gradually over the next 4 months, Amy responded to our messages a little more warmly, dropping bits of information about school, friends, and home. Then one morning, we received a message from Amy’s phone asking, “Who are you?”
Upon verifying our identity, Amy’s mother informed us that she was hospitalized at the Institute of Mental Health and enquired if we would be able to help her daughter after she was discharged. So, on the day Amy was to be discharged, my colleague accompanied her mother to pick her up. That was the first time both Amy and my colleague met face to face.
The hospital co-created a safety plan with Amy against self-harming behaviors and linked her to relevant therapeutic programmes. However, stabilizing Amy’s situation would take time and Amy was readmitted a few more times.
Last week, my colleague received a call from Amy that she wanted to return to IMH because she needed to feel safe. It was not clear what was the “danger,” but it sounded like she wanted space away from her mother.
Amy was calling from a public place where there were people around her and she told us that she was going to cut herself. Despite our best efforts to keep her calm, she proceeded as informed. She sent a photo of where she was and assured us that it was a minor cut and she would clean and dress it up. A few minutes later, she told us that she was in an ambulance on the way to IMH. She elaborated that besides talking to us, she was also in touch with a friend who had called for the ambulance to pick her up.
We have been in touch with Amy and her mother these past days and Amy told us that she no longer thinks that getting into an ambulance and ending up at IMH is a good way to regulate her emotions. Mother seemed tired and expressed that maybe Amy would not be having such problems if she had been able to provide the family with a bigger flat because “when mother and daughter need some personal space, we can still be under the same roof.”
Hearing this, it seems timely to offer Amy and her mother an opportunity to restore their relationship and to invite them to consider how they may rally the support of relatives and friends to help them both live well despite their personal and relationship challenges. We hope they take up our offer.
For peace, family, and community,Â
Gerard
We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community. – Dorothy Day
