“Oh no, more bee hoon,” a mother uttered half embarrassed. “We need to coordinate better the next time,” she added. Our colleague who was present at this children’s birthday party organized by neighbours quickly responded, “Hey, we are having a been hoon feast prepared in 3 different ways and it’s great to have 3 flavours!” The generosity, hospitality and ownership displayed by the organizers were the indicators of success that we sought, and these were already in abundance.
For example, a young man appeared in his military uniform to check that the cake his mother had baked on his behalf was delivered. As a baker, he would usually prepare the cake but because he was on reservist training, he explained the recipe to his mom. We were impressed by how invested he was in ensuring that the children had cake to eat.
The monthly birthday parties in this neighbourhood began in January this year. They were initiated by 2 residents who signed up as our community fellows to address their concern for latch-key children in their neighbourhood. While they initially envisioned the parties to build rapport with the children, they now see that the monthly events bring these children and their parents together.
So, the party was attended by more than 80 people and as our colleague mingled, several young parents told her that they showed up out of respect for the community fellows. They elaborated that they had lived in the neighbourhood since they were children, and they knew our community fellows as “aunties” who were always friendly to them. In their minds, if they imagined their neighbourhood as a village, these aunties would be the village heads.
As our colleague spoke to more people, she got a sense that people valued coming together and the cordiality they accorded each other contributed to a sense of belonging and community that was comforting. She also saw that when people take the time to engage and understand each other, relationships are transformed.
One of our fellows shared that when she first encountered the latch-key children, she was furious with their parents. She believed that they were neglectful but after getting to know them better, she realised that she had judged them before understanding their efforts in caring for their children. She added that as she learnt of the challenges these parents faced, she found herself appreciating the importance of kindness and gratitude. Finally, she said that these parents are good listeners too and have been a listening ear when she needed one.
Community is where one gives and receives support It is mutuality and even its leaders who give, receive.
Relationships cannot be effective if they serve only one party, or if they fail to have mutuality and reciprocity, from the point of view of all the participants. – Peter Block
