Zee had nowhere to go after one of our regular kids’ programme. His family was out and he did not have keys to his flat. At his request, we had an early dinner at the nearby prata shop.
I knew Zee had stuff on his mind. His stepdad recently went to prison and I wanted to know how Zee was feeling. Instead, he chose to speak about safer topics and his interactions outside his family.
He spoke about things that took me by surprise – social anxiety and issues of sexual orientation.
Is this what eleven-year-olds talk about?
When he said “I’m still developing as a young person”, it hit me how fast children actually grow up in the age of social media.
In comparison, my primary school days were spent mulling over simpler things; being a “gold, silver or bronze” friend in someone’s autograph book or wondering what fancy drinks I could buy so the reusing of those cheap plastic bottles could be a cool statement of envy at school. I cared about being different and belonging to the “cool” crowd. My worldview was limited to immediate day-to-day interactions with my parents, teachers, peers, and whatever books I could get my hands on.
My fascination with engaging Zee on a more intellectual level slowly gave way to a quiet sadness. There was a certain loss of innocence from him having to grow up so fast. Social media and his challenging family circumstances informed his view of the world.
I gently probed deeper to see what other thoughts preoccupied him?
“Marriages are meant to be broken.”
“I can’t burden Mummy with my need for food when she has no money.”
“Adult male figures are untrustworthy people who hit women.”
This is a lot for an adult to handle, let alone a kid.
Zee quietly shared how his “friends “called him names and ostracised him. My heart went out to him. I wanted to protect him from the pain of rejection but I could only listen in silence.
He said wistfully “I don’t know why they don’t like me. I already tried to say sorry, but I have forgiven them because all good Muslims must forgive others… even my stepfather. On Hari Raya, we must especially forgive others.”
I was humbled by this child. For all the difficulties he faced, he still found it in his heart to forgive.
We began our meal with me – the adult – wanting to help him, the child, sort out some of his troubles. Instead, he became my teacher.
He underscored to me the immense power of forgiveness.
At Beyond, we champion the use of the Restorative Justice modality as a means to achieve Social Justice. Forgiveness is a key component in the process.
